TOTAL DREAM ISLAND
BOLD IS FOR THE CONFESSIONAL
Episode 1-Cliff Divers
SPEAKER: Hello. Yes, it's me, your friendly neighborhood speaker box, and this is Episode 1 of Total. Dream. Island.
Here is what is going to happen. The original twenty BFDI contestants are coming right now on yachts. They'll be spending a fair amount of time right here at Camp Wawanakwa. I rented it from Chris McLean while he takes his stupid show over to an abandoned film lot or whatever. Stupid, huh. Anyway, these twenty contestants will not be twenty contestants for long, because after every challenge, the losing team will come to the campfire ceremony where they will vote one of their own to be sent to the Tiny Loser Chamber.
It will be disgustingly romantically evilly annoyingly lyly amazing, and you get a front row seat right now on Total. Dream. Island.
So yes. Here come our contestants now.
<Ice Cube arrives on the island>
ICE CUBE: Whoa. I can't believe I'm here. Really.
SPEAKER: Neither can I.
ICE CUBE: >:( So, where is everybody?
SPEAKER: They're coming. In fact, here's Woody right now.
<Woody arrives on the island>
WOODY: Eh? Ah.
ICE CUBE: Hi, Woody.
<Teardrop arrives on the island>
ICE CUBE: Hi, Teardrop.
WOODY: <leaning towards her> Eeeh, eeeeelh...
<Firey arrives on the island>
FIREY: Oh, YES!
ICE CUBE: Wha?
FIREY: Don't you know, Icy? Coiny isn't here! :D
<Bubble arrives on the island>
BUBBLE: YOYLECAKE! I'm so hoippy to be hoire!
ICE CUBE: Bubble!
<They hug, accidentally popping Bubble>
BUBBLE: <Comes out of BRC> :|
ICE CUBE: Oops. Sorry.
<Pin arrives on the island>
PIN: Hi everybody!
BUBBLE: Oh noio!
PIN: What? >:(
<Blocky arrives on the island, brandishing huge battleaxe>
BLOCKY: Well, well, well. Looks like my four favorite victims are already here!
ICE CUBE, BUBBLE, FIREY, and SPEAKER BOX: 8-O
PIN: Blocky! Not nice!
<Eraser arrives on the island>
ERASER: What's going on here?
BLOCKY: Hey Eraser. I'm just planning brutal ways to murder these people >:)
ERASER: Oh. Whatever.
<Tennis Ball arrives on the island>
TENNIS BALL: Wow, speaker thingy. This place is so...
TENNIS BALL: <hastily, before acid can be shed> Wonderful, wonderful. I was going to say wonderful.
<Pen arrives on the island>
PEN: Whoa. It's so...rustic. Kewl!
<Leafy arrives on the island>
ICE CUBE, WOODY, TEARDROP, FIREY, BUBBLE, PIN, BLOCKY, TENNIS BALL, and PEN: :D
LEAFY: Hi guys! What's up?
PIN: Oh, nothing much.
FIREY: Yeah, just horrible torturous stuff <saying this while suspended over the lake by Blocky on a fishing rod>
BLOCKY: Ha ha.
<Needle arrives on the island>
SPEAKER: Welcome to Total Dream Island, Needy.
NEEDLE: <Slaps Speaker Box> Don't call me Needy! D:<
SPEAKER: Oops. Please accept my apology, Needy.
NEEDLE: <Slaps Speaker Box> Don't call me Needy! D:<<
SPEAKER: Oops. Please accept my apology again, Needy.
NEEDLE: <Slaps Speaker Box> Don't call me Needy! D:<<<
<Pencil and Match arrive on the island>
MATCH: OMG Pence-Pence! We're, like, here!
PENCIL: I like, know! This is going to be so awe..aw <looking at Pen, who is just standing there>
MATCH: Hey Pencil, what's, like, up?
PENCIL: Uh, nothing <has Salt Face on>
<Coiny arrives on the island>
COINY: Oh, no. <To Speaker> You could have TOLD me Firey was going to be here! D:<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
<Rocky arrives on the island>
ROCKY: Bleh! <Barfs on Speaker Box>
ROCKY: Bleh! <Barfs on Coiny>
FIREY: Ha ha.
LEAFY: Firey! Not nice!
ERASER: And what are you gonna do about it?
<Flower arrives on the island, causing Coiny, Eraser, Firey, and Leafy to look up from fighting>
FLOWER: Hey, Speaker Announcer Thingy! Just so you know, I'm only spending all this time here to WIN! <makes deranged face>
SPEAKER: I'll keep that in mind.
FLOWER: Grr! <Kicks Speaker Announcer into water>
BUBBLE: Hey! That could servoirely oinjure the Speaker Thoing!
FLOWER: Whatever. <Pops Bubble>
ROCKY: Bleh! <Barfs on Flower>
EVERYONE ELSE: <laughs>
<Pen retrieves wet Speaker>
<Spongy arrives on the island>
SPONGY: Haai, Spehkay Bohks. <Gives Speaker a hug with his foot>
SPEAKER: <freaked and more than a little squished> …
<Golf Ball arrives on the island>
GOLF BALL: Finellee here. I hahd to wait like, ferever. I just hope I wetted for semthing good.
ERASER: Hate to burst your bubble-
ERASER: -But this place is a dump.
GOLF BALL: WHAT?
<Snowball arrives on the island>
SNOWBALL: Yeah! Arrived first!
EVERYBODY ELSE: …
SPEAKER: Anyway, now that we're all here, come with me to the campfire, where I'll be splitting you up into teams and I'll explain our first challenge.
SPEAKER: So, Team 1 will be called the Screaming Cherries, and will consist of Blocky, Coiny, Firey, Golf Ball, Leafy, Needle, Pencil, Rocky, Spongy and Tennis Ball, and Team 2 will be called the Squashy Bass-
ERASER: Aw, come ON!
SPEAKER: -and will consist of Bubble, Eraser, Flower, Ice Cube, Match, Pen, Pin, Snowball, Teardrop and Woody.
MATCH: Wait, what? No, like, way.
ICE CUBE: What's wrong?
MATCH: Don't you, like, know, stupid? You're a Bass, Bubble's a Bass, and I'm, like, a Bass, but Pence-Pence is a, like, Cherry! Our alliance has been, like, separated! OMG!
ICE CUBE: Oh no! That's a disaster!
BUBBLE: It's okoi, guys. If we oill make it to the moirge, our alloiance will be togoither agoin!
MATCH: <screaming> OMG, I can't wait that long! Pencil and I are BFFs! We have to stick, like, together!
<on the Screaming Cherries>
PENCIL: <still has Salt Face> Pen's hot.
SPEAKER: OMG. I am totally remixing that and posting it on YouTube. Anyway, it's time for your first challenge, contestants. Follow me.
LEAFY: But what IS the challenge?
SPEAKER: Um, you'll all find out when we get there.
LEAFY: That speaker. UGH!
<At the 1000 foot cliff>
FIREY: Oh no! It's not a jumping challenge, is it?
SPEAKER: It's a diving contest.
SPEAKER: The first team to go will be the Squashy Bass. Your dives will all be rated on a scale of 1 to 5. If you don't dive, you get a 0. Go.
PEN: <dives> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH <hits water>
SPEAKER BOX: Hmm. I'll say 3.
PEN: Aw, seriously? <David appears out of nowhere and slaps him, then disappears again>
FLOWER: Stop being such a baby and just go already! <pushes him>
WOODY: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH <hits water>
PIN: <to Flower> Grr!
FLOWER: <pushes Pin>
PIN: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH <hits water>
SPEAKER: Another 1. You guys need form. Seriously.
MATCH: Form, huh? Okeydoke. <dives> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH <hits water>
MATCH: >:( I totally, like, deserve a 5!
BUBBLE: Okay, oi'll go. <dives> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH <hits water and pops>
SPEAKER: Another 3. Your team's current score is 12 out of a possible 25.
<Eraser, Flower, Ice Cube, Snowball, and Teardrop look at each other>
SNOWBALL: Fine, I'll go. Whatever. <dives> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH <hits water>
SPEAKER: 2. 14/30.
TEARDROP: … <dives> <hits water with perfect form>
SPEAKER: Wow! I'll say 5.
FLOWER: Well? MOVE IT, SLOWPOKES! <pushes Eraser>
ERASER: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH <hits water, but manages a pretty epic backflip>
SPEAKER: 4. 23/40.
FLOWER: Hurry up, Icy, before I crush you!
ICE CUBE: <dives> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH <hits water>
SPEAKER: Another 4.
ICE CUBE: ALL RIGHT!
FLOWER: OK, here I go. <dives> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH <hits water>
SPEAKER: Lame. 2.
SPEAKER: So your final score is 29. That isn't too good. Now we'll see if the Cherries can beat that score.
<Cherries make scared faces>
TENNIS BALL: I'm scared!
GOLF BALL: Well, dun't be. It's eazy! <dives> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH <hits water>
GOLF BALL: >:(
TENNIS BALL: Well, if GB can do it, so can I! <dives> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH <hits water>
TENNIS BALL: <shrugs>
FIREY: I can't dive. Sorry, guys. <walks sadly down cliff>
SPEAKER: And Firey gets 0.
BLOCKY: Aww. I wanted to see Firey die! At least he might've SCORED that way!
BLOCKY: Well, at least we know who gets kicked off if we lose! <dives> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH <hits water>
SPEAKER: 4. 9/20 so far, Cherries. The Bass' score was exactly the same at this point, so you might still have a chance.
NEEDLE: Kay, I'll go. <dives> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH <hits water>
SPEAKER: 4 again. 13/25, better than the Bass.
SPONGY: Yaaaaaaaaaaay! <dives> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH <hits water>
SPEAKER: 3. Pencil, Coiny, Leafy, and Rocky have yet to jump.
LEAFY: Hey guys!
LEAFY: Why don't we all jump together? We have a better chance of winning that way!
COINY: Yeah, OK.
LEAFY: You coming, Rocky?
ROCKY: C: <walks toward Leafy and Coiny>
LEAFY: How about you, Pencil?
PENCIL: OMZ GO AWAY! I'm having, like, issues here!
LEAFY: Guess that's a no, then.
<Leafy, Coiny, and Rocky dive at the same time>
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH <they hit the water, Rocky still smiling benignly>
SPEAKER: A collective 9. 25/45. To beat the Bass, Pencil must get a perfect score.
MATCH: Come on, Pence-Pence! You can like, do it!
PENCIL: Well, okay. But only for you, Match. <dives> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH <hits water in a belly flop>
SPEAKER: Spectacular belly flop, Pencil. I'll give you a...............................................................................5. Thus the Cherries end up with 30/50.
SCREAMING CHERRIES: YAAAAAAAAAAAY!
ERASER: What was that for, Match?
MATCH: Like, what?
ERASER: If you hadn't cheered Pencil on, she might not have even jumped! You made us lose!
MATCH: What? No way. I, like, do not believe what you're, like, saying.
PIN: Actually, the pink one has a point.
MATCH: OMY NO! You're not, like, going to vote me, like, off for cheering on my, like, BFF, are you?
FLOWER: I don't see why not.
MATCH: Oh no. They're going to, like, vote me out! I barely even, like did anything! OMSD, what is, like, wrong with them?
Wait a sec. They'd never, like, vote off me over Flower! I can wave buh-bye to Flower <waves>, work extra, like, hard to, like, win the next contest, and thereby get, like, back in the others' favor. OMK, this is the perfect, like, plan!
ERASER: No way we'd vote off Flower over Match after what she did. Match is going down!
PIN: Well, I was going to vote Match, but you actually have to consider, ya know? Match may have cost us the win, but she did get a 4, and Flower pushed like one billion of us off the cliff! I know who I'm voting off.
SPEAKER: Hey guys. We're going to have a Campfire Ceremony now, so would the Squashy Bass follow me.
<at the Campfire Ceremony>
SPEAKER: I have on this plate nine amazingly delicious marshmallows. If you are safe, you get a marshmallow. The contestant with no marshmallow will be eliminated and have to leave on the Boat of Losers.
The first marshmallow goes to.....PEN.
Only Flower and Match left.
The last marshmallow goes to
MATCH: OMPTX NO WAY!
SPEAKER: OMPTX yes way.
BUBBLE: Oh noio! Moitch has been eloiminated!
FLOWER: Ha ha.
MATCH: Sigh. I guess I better like, leave, then. <sadly walks to Dock of Shame>
PENCIL: <runs up> Match has been WHAT? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
MATCH: Pencil, like, listen to me. I know it's, like, super, like, hard, but you like, have the, like like, power. You can, like like like like like, win this. Do it for, like like like like like like like like <looks a little insane by now>, us!
<Match leaves on Boat of Losers>
Elimination 1 votes
Match: Eraser, Flower, Pen, Snowball, Woody
Flower: Bubble, Ice Cube, Match, Pin
Episode 2-Speedy Paintin'
SPEAKER: OMYG. Would you stop? I have to recap last episode.
PENCIL: NO! Where was I? Oh yeah. -OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
<Pen walks by>
SPEAKER: Pen, make her stop.
PEN: <sighs> Pencil, would you please stop screaming?
PENCIL: <immediately stops and puts creepy Saltesque Face on> OK.
PEN: Good. <creeped out> Can I go now?
SPEAKER: Sure. Anyway, last time on Total Dream Island <starts showing clips>, the twenty BFDI contestants arrived and were split into teams as per usual. Their first challenge was to dive beautifully off the 1,000-foot cliff. Some people had different strategies than others. <shows clips of Flower pushing people off of cliff> But they all jumped. Well, all except Firey. At the elimination, it was either Flower for her strategies <shows clips of Flower pushing people off of cliff again> or Match for, um, cheering on her bestest friend. Surprisingly, Match became the first contestant to leave via Boat of Losers, much to Pencil's dismay. Will Flower continue to be evil? What's going on with Pencil and Pen? And why are my sentences not being ended with a period. That's better. Anyway, find out now on Total. Dream. Island.
<at Bass cabin, guy's side>
ERASER: <comes out whooping in joy> YES! The annoying Pencil stopped screaming!
PEN: Actually, that was me. I told her to stop and she did.
ERASER: <hops on fence> Weird. Maybe she likes you, dude.
PEN: <does the same> Pencil? No way.
ERASER: Yes way.
PEN: Ah, maybe, I guess so. I'm going inside. <hops down>
ERASER: You don't wanna. Snowball snapped and is now trying to murder Woody.
PEN: What for?
ERASER: Ya know, all that panaphobic stuff.
PEN: Oh, OK then.
<from inside the cabin>
SNOWBALL: ME KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL YOU!
PEN: That is snappish.
ERASER: I know, right?
SPEAKER <through loudspeaker>: Hey there, campers. Listen to me. I am a speaker talking through a speaker. Anyway, report to the main lodge, where I'll explain Challenge 2.
<Later, at main lodge>
<Screaming Cherries table>
FIREY: Ohmigosh I'm so happy we won our challenge!
BLOCKY: No offense, but you kinda failed our team. YOU have nothing to be happy about. In fact, I'm surprised you even showed up at lunch.
LEAFY: Blocky Minecraft!
LEAFY: Lay off of him rutabaga!
LEAFY: He's made of fire rhododendron. If he jumped, he would have died Evel Knievel!
BLOCKY: Are you ok?
LEAFY: Perfectly fine lacrosse. Why do you ask jellyfish?
BLOCKY: <slides away from Leafy>
LEAFY: <shakes herself> Was it something I said?
<other side of Screaming Cherries table>
FIREY and COINY: slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap
<Squashy Bass table>
FLOWER: Where's Woody and SB?
ERASER: Back at the cabin.
FLOWER: Oh, OK then.
FLOWER, PEN, BUBBLE, ICE CUBE, ERASER: What?
PIN: We need to call a team meeting. We have to win this next challenge, or one of us gets kicked off!
FLOWER: It's pretty obvious she's worried about her own safety. I may be able to exploit that...<evil grin>
BUBBLE: But we stoill don't know whoit the choilloinge is! How oire we suppoised to-
SPEAKER: <comes in> The second challenge is a speed-painting contest.
SPEAKER: But since I inexplicably hate paintbrushes-
PAINTBRUSH: <randomly appears> GASP! <disappears>
SPEAKER: -You may not use them during the contest.
TENNIS BALL: But paintbrushes are my friend!
PAINTBRUSH: <randomly appears> YAY! <disappears>
SPEAKER: I don't care what you think, Tennis Ball Tennis Ball.
TENNIS BALL: You just said my name twice.
SPEAKER: Whatever. Anyway, go outside, where I have easels and paint.
FIREY: No lunch?
ROCKY: Bleh! <barfs up delicious feast>
<everyone digs in, except some such as Flower, who look disgusted>
SPEAKER: Well, OK. When you are finished, go outside, where I have easels and paint.
<Pen and Eraser have dragged SB and Woody to the painting site>
SPEAKER: So yes. You have 60 seconds for each member of your team to paint or draw a picture. Each picture will be scored out of 10 when time is up. Team with the most points wins. Go.
COINY: Ahh! How do I do this?
FIREY: Hey Coiny! Bet you wish you were fire now, huh? Look at all the bee-yew-ti-ful scorch marks on my easel!
SNOWBALL: <Drawing crude picture of Pin destroying America, using Pencil>
PENCIL: Put me down!
SNOWBALL: No. <goes back to drawing>
Pencil: Screw you.
ICE CUBE: Why'd you say that?
PENCIL: Why do you, like, THINK?
PEN: What are you painting, Eraser?
ERASER: Them alliance. <is painting crude picture, with his toothbrush, of Bubble, Pencil and Match. Bubble is prominent, making her weird face>
ERASER: Because I want to, duh!
PIN: Flower! Why aren't you making a picture?
FLOWER: Because drawing is for babies!
PIN: But don't you want to win the challenge?
FLOWER: Shut up or I'll stretch you.
PIN: <shuts up>
TENNIS BALL: Yaaaaayao! Finished ahead of schedule!
GOLF BALL: Well then could ya giv meh a hand?
TENNIS BALL: Wouldn't that be against the rules?
GOLF BALL: I suppose yer right...
SPEAKER: Time's up. Now I will go around and judge your works of art. If they are unfinished, 3 points will be deducted from the score. First up, the Screaming Cherries.
<Looks at Coiny's, which is a picture of Firey, dead>
SPEAKER: I will give it a 6.
COINY: What? I did way better than that!
SPEAKER: Be quiet, Coiny. 6/10 so far.
<looks at Spongy's, which is a toe-painted drawing of the Speaker>
SPEAKER: It may not be a perfect likeness, but it deserves a 7. 13/20.
SPEAKER: I know it is yay, Spongy Sponge.
<looks at Golf Ball's, which is an unfinished crude mathematical formula. However, it is expertly made>
SPEAKER: 4, with a penalty, so 1. 14/30.
GOLF BALL: Grr!
SPEAKER: <looks at Needle's, which is a drawing of Needle's Cake from BFDI 4 and 5> I'll give it a Six. 20/40. <Looks at Rocky's, which is barf on a canvas. His jaw, if he had had one, drops> This speaks to me. It is beautiful. It should be in a museum. I give it a 10. 30/50.
ROCKY: Bleh! <Barfs on Bubble for no reason. She pops and comes out of BRC>
SPEAKER: <Looks at Firey's, which is a picture of Coiny, dead, made entirely out of scorch marks>
I will give it an 8 for a creative medium. 38/60.
FIREY: <to Coiny> Ha ha.
SPEAKER: <looks at Tennis Ball's, which is a regular landscape> 5. 43/70. <looks at Leafy's, which is nothing but a tiny purple dot> Er, 1. 44/80. Wait. It is finished, is it not?
SPEAKER: Well then, minus 3. 41/80.
FIREY: Oh, great. What was that for? Why didn't you draw something more, Leafy?
LEAFY: <just like in Bowling, Now with Explosions!> Wha-aa-aat-eee-vve-er.
SPEAKER: <looks at Blocky's, which is not a drawing, but a wood carving created with a machete, of Blocky and his friends>
I'll give it an 8. 49/90. <Looks at Pencil's, which is a huge picture of Pen but is unfinished on account of her having been used by Snowball> I'll say 7, minus 3, so 4. The Screaming Cherries' final score is 53 out of a possible 100. That's fair, I suppose. Now for the Squashy Bass.
COINY: A six? A SIX?!? I have issues with that metal rectangle. And how could he give FIREY an 8? Grr.
FIREY: ♪ I got an ei-eight, I got an ei-eight...
SPEAKER: <looks at Snowball's, which, as stated earlier, is a pencil drawing of Pin destroying America> Er, it is nice but crude, so you may have a 5. 5/10. <looks at Teardrop's, which is the Mona Lisa, except there is a teardop in place of the usual woman> Wow! You get a 9. 14/20. <looks at Pen's, which is an abstract swirlie> I do not understand modern art, so you get a 4. 18/30, four more than the Cherries.
SPEAKER: Simmer down. <looks at Flower's, which is blank> 0 with a penalty, so minus three. 15/40, five less than the Cherries.
PIN: <to Flower> Grr!
FLOWER: <kicks Pin>
SPEAKER: <looks at Pin's, which is a drawing of all the contestants. There's a huge red X over Match> I'll give it a 7 for 22/50, EIGHT less than the Cherries. <looks at Eraser's drawing of the alliance> 6. 28/60, TEN less than the cherries. <Looks at Woody's, which is a finger painting of Teardrop falcon kicking Evil Leafy> You will receive an 8. 36/70. Your team is catching up on the Cherries, with five less than them. <Looks at Ice Cube's, which is the word REVENGE> 3. 39/80, only 2 behind. <Looks at Bubble's drawing of a yoylepie> I say 7, for 46/90. However, in the end, mainly because of your smaller number (9 players to the Cherries' 10), that means the Cherries win again.
SCREAMING CHERRIES: YAAAAAAAAAAAY!
SQUASHY BASS: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
PIN: Not again! I'm supposed to be a heroic leader! Whyyy?
FLOWER: Shut up. <kicks Pin in the face>
PIN: Ow! What was that for, you jerk?
FLOWER: Because I felt like it.
PIN: Well, I feel like this! <karate-chops Flower in half. Flower is recovered by the FRC>
SNOWBALL: Way to go, Pin!
PIN: Thank you.
TEARDROP: <thumbs up>
PEN: So anyway, who do we eliminate tonight?
PIN: I've got a pretty good idea who I'm voting off.
FLOWER: I would have gone for Pin, but she may be useful later..........nah, I'll vote her off. She is nothing but a nuisance!
SPEAKER: All Squashy Bass must now proceed to the campfire, because one of you must leave the game forever.
<at the Campfire Ceremony>
SPEAKER: I hold before you eight really cool marsh-e-mallows. One of you will not get one.
ERASER: Why are they so cool? Are they pink?
SPEAKER: Um, no.
ERASER: <makes his sadface>
SPEAKER: They are purple, because they are grape marsh-e-mallows.
PIN: Just get on with it.
Only Flower and Snowball left.
The last marshmallow goes to
FLOWER: Wait, what? NO!
WOODY: AIIIIIIEEE! <looks at Snowball in abject terror>
SNOWBALL: <grins evilly at Woody>
FLOWER: You can't eliminate me! I'm the only drama you are ever going to get!
SPEAKER: Alas, it is not my decision. Goodbye Flower.
SPEAKER: Evil Spongy? Would you come out here please?
BUBBLE: Oivil Spoingy? Who oin the woid woid world of Shiboia is that?
<Evil Spongy stomps up>
EVIL SPONGY: RAAAAAAAAAAR! <tosses Flower down Dock of Shame, into Boat of Losers. The boat drives away by itself, Flower screaming all the way>
SPEAKER: Yes, Evil Spongy is my assistant. He arrived while the challenge was being judged this afternoon. He will serve meals from now on.
PEN: But Rocky's been barfing up great food ever since we got here! I'd rather have him.
EVIL SPONGY: <in Pen's face> RAAAAAAAAAAR!
PEN: <weakly> Never mind.
Elimination 2 votes
Flower: Bubble, Eraser, Ice Cube, Pen, Pin, Teardrop
Episode 3-The Woods are Alive
SPEAKER: <on dock> Hello and welcome back to Total Dream Island. Last time, the contestants had to paint. What fun. However, paintbrushes were outlawed. What fun, for me that is. In the end, the Cherries scooped another win, meaning the Bass had to vote a player out. It was either Flower, for refusing to paint, or Snowball, for antagonizing Woody and generally just being Snowball. In the end, that source of drama, Flower, became the second contestant to leave, to nobody’s dismay but mine. Whatevs. Anyway, find out what evil challenges I have planned and who will be the next to leave, right now on Total. Dream. Island.
<morning at Wawanakwa. Blocky and his friends are sparring at the amphitheater. Pencil is sitting in the stands watching Pen. Everyone else is asleep except Rocky, who seems to never sleep and is standing around in the Cherry cabin drooling>
ERASER: <punches Snowball in the gut> I can't believe that we lost two times in a row! That's pitiful!
BLOCKY: Well, shucks. It's great for me. <kicks Pen in the face>
SNOWBALL: <judo throws Eraser to the ground> Yeah, but it's not great for me!
PEN: <knees Blocky in the you-know-where. He screams like a little girl> And me and Eraser too!
ERASER: <headbutts Snowball in the stomach> Yeah, Blocky. You're not the only one who matters.
PENCIL: <screaming from the stands> GO, PEN! HIT 'EM WHERE IT, LIKE, HURTS! <to herself> I lurve you, Pen-Pen.
BLOCKY: Guys, I honestly don't see your big issues with your losing streak. <uppercuts Pen>
SNOWBALL: WHADDAYA MEAN YOU DON'T SEE THE BIG ISSUES? <gives Eraser a black eye>
PEN: <jumps up and down on Blocky's head> I think he means we're in no danger of being eliminated since we're so awesome.
ERASER: Oh, OK then. <is about to snap Snowball's pinkie off when->
SPEAKER: <through loudspeaker> WAKE UP CONTES-EE-TANTS, TODAY IS A DAY OF INTERESTINGNESS.
<Screaming Cherries cabin, guy's side>
FIREY: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! I burned the stupid bed again!
COINY: Oh, I don't think it was you.
COINY: Well, I mean, it's so obvious.
COINY: The bed committed suicide because you were sleeping on it! AAHAHHAHAHHAAHAHAAH!
FIREY and COINY: <at super speed> slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap
ROCKY: Bleh! <barfs on them>
TENNIS BALL: <wakes up> What's going on?
COINY: Rocky barfed on me!
TENNIS BALL: Rocky?!
ROCKY: <apolegetic face>
<Squashy Bass cabin, girl's side>
BUBBLE: <to Ice Cube> It sure is soid that Moitch is eloiminated and Poincil is on the other team. Oill we have is oich other.
ICE CUBE: I know, right? It's so depressing. Who voted for Match? I want REVENGE!
BUBBLE: Er... Oi dunno.
ICE CUBE: :(
BUBBLE: But oif it moiks you foil boitter, we can form a voting oilloiance to goit rid oif those poiple!
ICE CUBE: ALL RIGHT!
PIN: <wakes up> Wow! It sure is a beautiful day now that Flower is eliminated.
BUBBLE: Oivry day is a beoitifoil day now that Floiwer is eliminatoid!
TEARDROP: <wakes up and nods>
<Cherries cabin, girls' side>
GOLF BALL: Leafy!
GOLF BALL: Do ya know where Pencil iz?
GOLF BALL: Wut?
LEAFY: I mean no.
NEEDLE: I think Pencil's at the amphithingy.
GOLF BALL: Thenk ya far the info, Needy!
NEEDLE: <slaps GB> Don't call me-
GOLF BALL: Yeah, we know. <imitates Needle> Don't call me Needy!
NEEDLE: <slaps GB> Don't call me Needy!
GOLF BALL: Why am I not saprised ya did that?
<later, at the amphitheater. Everyone is sitting on the benches>
SPEAKER: Okay. To start the challenge, everyone must enter their team hovercrafts.
<Everyone enters their team hovercrafts>
SPEAKER: Great job. Now good-bye.
TENNIS BALL: Wait, what?
<the doors of the hovercrafts close and lock>
SNOWBALL: SHUT YOUR MOUTH, PIECE OF BALSA!
<the hovercrafts zoom off to a random spot in the woods>
LEAFY: <onboard confessional> AAAAAAAAAGH! WHAT'S GOING ON? I WANT MY BLANKY!
BLANKY <a pink blanket with no limbs>: Dude, no way, bro.
<the hovercraft doors open and all the contestants run out>
BUBBLE: Whoire oir we?
SPEAKER: <appears> Guess what, contestants.
SPEAKER: Your challenge is to find your way back to camp. At least four members of your team must touch the side of the main lodge to win. But beware, the woods are filled with...surprises. <disappears>
SNOWBALL: HEY! GET OVER HERE, TOAST-LIKE THINGY! WE HAVE UNFINISHED BUSINESS, YOU AND I!
PIN: Snowball. Calm down. We can't have infighting. According to BFDI Tips and Tricks, it increases the chances of our team losing by 11.68375%!
SNOWBALL: THAT DUMB BOOK ALSO SAYS “DON'T BE SNOWBALL!”
PIN: Snowball, could you please stop speaking in all-caps?
PIN: Fine. But if we lose again, we'll eliminate you. Right, guys?
<Woody, Bubble, Ice Cube, and Teardrop nod>
PIN: Okay. Anyways, I think our best bet is splitting into four groups of two. That way, even if two groups get...er, surprised by those “surprises” the gray rectangle of doom was talking about, we might still have a chance! Besides, the buddy system is infinitely useful!
PIN: Okay then! Pen, go with Icy, I'll go with Woody, Snowball can go with Teardrop, and Eraser will go with Bubble. MOVE OUT!
<They split up and run into the woods>
<Meanwhile on the Cherry team>
GOLF BALL: Ok, does ennyone akchaly have a plan?
BLOCKY: Er, I have an idea.
GOLF BALL: Great! Let's heer it.
BLOCKY: Let's run as fast as we can!
GOLF BALL: Akchaly, that mite werk.
COINY: Okay then. Let's go, Cherries!
<the Cherries start running>
<meanwhile, Ice Cube and Pen are wandering through a particularly dense part of the forest>
ICE CUBE: Hey Pen, did you hear something?
ICE CUBE: Oh. Ok-AAAAAAAAAAAAGH!
<he looks up to see Ice Cube entangled in several vines>
ICE CUBE: HELP ME!
ICE CUBE: I don't know!
PEN: Aha! <he takes off his cap, clenches, and squirts ink all over the plants. He then faints>
<the plants recoil and drop Ice Cube on top of Pen>
ERASER: So, read any good books lately?
BUBBLE: Er, no. Was I suppoised to?
ERASER: Er...I don't know...
<suddenly a bear jumps out of the trees>
BEAR: GRR! ARG!
<runs through the woods at a furious pace, followed by the bear>
<Suddenly Eraser crashes into Pin and Woody>
PIN: <sees the bear> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!
<The three of them run screaming, coincidentally, in the direction of the main lodge>
BUBBLE: <comes out of BRC, back at the starting point> Oh no! Oh nooo! <starts running>
SNOWBALL: Oh forget it! <is holding a dead squirrel> This map stinks!
SNOWBALL: Don’t you DARE make that face at me!
TEARDROP: <falcon kicks him> >:)
<Snowball flies over the forest and crashes into the totem pole>
SPEAKER: Congrats, SB. One point for the Squashy Bass.
GOLF BALL: Pek up the pace, Cherriez!
BLOCKY: Bossy, bossy, bossy.
FIREY: GUYS! STOP! WHOOOOOOOOOOOAOOO- <falls into a dark hole full of acid>
<everyone else stops short, except for Spongy>
COINY: Quick, guys. Let’s bounce on Spongy’s dissolving body to get across! <does so>
BLOCKY: Can we stop with the memes and just jump across already?
COINY: Wait. I got one more.
<the Cherries jump across as Spongy dies>
ICE CUBE: <is dragging Pen with a foot through the woods> Please wake up. Now would be nice.
PEN: <wakes up> Huh-wha?
ICE CUBE: Thank you.
PEN: You’re welcome? For what exactly are you thanking me?
<Bubble runs up to them>
BUBBLE: Guys! Guys!
BUBBLE: I thought of a coinning ploin!
ICE CUBE: Yay! Tell me!
BUBBLE: Okay, hoire’s what we’ll do...
<a few minutes later>
<the Cherries are trekking through the forest when they hear Bubble from not too far off>
BUBBLE: YOU SOIY YOU FOIND A MAP TO THE MOIN LODGE, OICY?
BUBBLE: ROILLY? YOU SOIY IT’S PROITTY MOICH A STONE’S THROIW FROM WOIRE WE OIRE NOW?
GOLF BALL: You filthy hypocrite!
BLOCKY: Who cares? Come on, we have to beat them to the main lodge!
BLOCKY: Be quiet!
<the Cherries run...and fall into a deep pit>
TENNIS BALL: Oh, great. How do we climb out?
GOLF BALL: I just measured the slopes in my head. There is no way we can get out of this pit!
<meanwhile, at the main lodge>
<Pin, Eraser, and Woody burst through the brush>
PIN: Come on! FASTER!
ERASER: I’m TRYING!
<they smack into the main lodge>
SPEAKER: A complete and total shutout. What fun for the loser-like Squashy Bass. Oh well. Challenge over. Poof.
<all the contestants appear>
SPEAKER: Bass, you are the winners. Evil Spongy will now give you soda. Cherries, you lose. Follow me to the voting booth.
BUBBLE: My coinning ploin actually woirked! I’m so hoippy!
SPONGY: Cawnee is meen.
COINY: WE LOST? Rghghghghghghghghghh...
<at the Campfire Ceremony>
SPEAKER: Here are nine marshmallows. I will now orchestrate the elimination.
Only Blocky and Golf Ball left.
The last marshmallow goes to
BLOCKY: WHAT THE?
GOLF BALL: I’m not akchaly thet saprized.
BLOCKY: But I’m awesome!
GOLF BALL: Well, yer “awsomnez” led us into a trep!
GOLF BALL: Like I sed erlier, you filthee hipogrit!
SPEAKER: Blocky, the Boat of Losers awaits you.
<Eraser, Pen and Snowball run up>
SNOWBALL: Blocky can’t be gone!
PEN: Yeah, he’s a good guy! HE DOESN’T DESERVE THIS!
COINY: Uh, yeah he does. He blew it for the team.
BLOCKY: Sigh. Well, this sucks. <gets on Boat of Losers, which drives off>
FIREY: Why does COINY never get to go home?!
COINY: Hey, same to YOU, pal!
Elimination 3 votes
Blocky: Golf Ball, Needle, Pencil, Tennis Ball
Golf Ball: Blocky, Coiny, Leafy
Coiny: Firey, Rocky, Spongy
Episode 4-The Einstein Games
SPEAKER: <on dock> Last time on the drama-fest that is Total Dream Island, the contestants had to brave a forest of many dangers. <starts showing clips> Some had apparent death wishes. Some had quick legs. But Bubble had a cunning plan, and boy, did it work. Because of this, the Squashy Bass won for their first time, and thickheaded Blocky was voted out by the Cherries. Who will go the way of the loser and face the Dock of Shame? What dire challenge will test these contestants' stamina next? And will Snowball actually kill Woody eventually? Find out, right here, right now on Total. Dream. Island.
<in the Bass cabin, guys’ side>
PEN: I just can’t get over Blocky’s elimination.
ERASER: I know. Best friends getting eliminated is sad...
SNOWBALL: OH FORGET THIS! <hits Woody for no reason>
PIN: <from the girls’ side, through the wall> Stop hitting him right now, SB.
SNOWBALL: Why should I?
PIN: Because if you don’t, I will personally see to it that you go home tonight. >:)
SPEAKER: <over speaker> All contestants must immediately proceed to the biodome that just randomly appeared behind the lodge. You will not be receiving breakfast today. Repeat, no breakfast today.
<later, by the biodome>
SPEAKER: Your challenge is to prove Albert Einstein’s theory of relativity-
GOLF BALL: Well, thad’ll beh ehzy...
SPEAKER: -in a Hunger Games style arena where fighting to the death is encouraged.
SPEAKER: Go now.
<the contestants randomly appear on discs surrounding a Cornucopia-type thing, full of books and equipment> SPEAKER: <over speaker> 5.
TENNIS BALL: Oh no.
BUBBLE: Oh noio.
LEAFY: LUNCH BOX!
<The contestants run for the cornucopia>
COINY: Hey team! Let’s bounce on Spongy to get to the supplies first!
SPONGY: Uh oh. <All Screaming Cherries except for Leafy use Spongy as a trampoline and reach the cornucopia’s mouth>
GOLF BALL: Rockeh! Coineh! Needeh <slap> Needle! Get that big, zcientific-looking thing RITE NOW! <Needle and Rocky grab it. Coiny is about to when->
COINY: Oh look, it’s Firey. <kicks him into a lake>
FIREY: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! <dies>
GOLF BALL: COINEH! STAHP KILLING UR TEEM MATEZ AND DO AZ I SAY!
COINY: Okay. Sheesh.
BUBBLE: <is running> Hoillo, bird. Hoillo, tree. Hoillo, thoirn bu-<pops>
PEN: She really just did that?
ERASER: She REALLY just did that.
<Suddenly Pencil bursts through the trees>
<Pencil chases Pen to the edge of a cliff>
PEN: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA <falls off into a lava pool and dies>
PENCIL: Wait for me, PEN-PEN! <does the same>
COINY: Oh my mint. The ground is shattering!
GOLF BALL: Well then, get to hiyer ground!
<GB, TB, Coiny, Needle and Rocky head for the hills>
SPONGY: Hayh, wayht for meh!
<the ground breaks under him and he falls into lava>
<at the top of a mountain>
TENNIS BALL: That was close.
GOLF BALL: Okay peeble, MOVE IT!
COINY: <starts leafing through a book> Hey, where’s Leafy?
NEEDLE: I...don’t know!
LEAFY: <is running through the woods when she sees the remaining members of the Squashy Bass> OHO!
<on the Bass>
PIN: We must align this apparatus precisely, or else!
SNOWBALL: Or else what?
PIN: Or else...<thinks>...or else NO MORE PANCAKES FOR YOU, YOUNG MAN!
PIN: NOW ALIGN IT, IN THE NAME OF FRANZ KAFKA!
PIN: What? Don’t you like The Metamorphosis?
PIN: Well, apparently YOU don’t. Now get to it!
WOODY: Mhm....eeerkeeeleheeelhe... <Woody goes off to retrieve a book>
LEAFY:Muhuhuhuhuahahahahahhahhahhahahahahahahahahahah! <cuts down a tree with her tongue. It starts rolling down the hill towards the five members of the Squashy Bass>
PIN: What’s that sound?
ERASER: I don’t <sees the rolling tree trunk> knowwwwwwaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
<the tree slams into Eraser, SB, and Pin, carrying them over the side of a cliff into a lava pool>
GOLF BALL: Aha!
TENNIS BALL: Huh?
GOLF BALL: Get meh a whietbord Ay Es Ay Pee! I've gaht sometihng!
TENNIS BALL: Ok. <grabs whiteboard, loses his balance and falls over> Ow.
<GB starts writing on the whiteboard, then aligns the apparatus, then starts furiously scribbling on a piece of paper>
COINY: What are you even doing?
GOLF BALL: Impertant tahp sekret stuff that the likez of you could nevver underzdand!
TENNIS BALL: Best not to interrupt her when she's in thinking mode. We could play Matchycake if you feel like.
COINY and TENNIS BALL: 1, 2, 3, 4, who do we not adore? Match! Match! 5, 6, 7, 8, who do we seriously hate? Match! Match! 9, 10, and then 11, who will never get into-
GOLF BALL: COULD YOU TWO SHUT UPP? I'M TRYING TA WINN HEER!
NEEDLE: Let's play the quiet game!
ROCKY: Bleh! <barfs on the whiteboard>
GOLF BALL: <explodes>
TENNIS BALL: Oh no! I'll have to complete her equation! <goes up and starts writing on the whiteboard>
COINY: Well, TB, GB, and Rocky lose.
NEEDLE: And so do you! I WIN! YAY!
COINY: Yeah, but you'll never beat Teardrop.
NEEDLE: Fair point.
ROCKY: Bleh! <barfs on Needle>
NEEDLE: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!
<meanwhile, TD and Woody are scratching on the ground with sticks in the hopes that they will be able to figure out a way to prove the theory. Teardrop's equation is as complex as Golf Ball's. Woody has written 3x8=24>
<Leafy jumps out of the trees and falls flat on her face, the insanity fading from her eyes>
LEAFY: Oh. Hey, guys.
WOODY: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEASEEEEEEEEEEASGUFHUIA YREWWEEUIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
<they run away>
LEAFY: Why doesn't anyone like me anymore? Am I..........................lame?
LEAFY: You don't think I'm lame, do you? DO YOU?
<Leafy curls up in a ball and starts whimpering>
<Meanwhile, Woody and Teardrop are running very fast, suddenly falling onto an iceberg with a book called 99 Hints to the Answer to the Problem you are Trying to Solve.>
WOODY: <scared of ice> ASDFGAHDIFHAIUGHAUDIFH GAUIDFGISDHGUISHDUIGFHSCOTTSDIUGHWILLUISDEDFUIHSIDGHUISWINDHFGUISGISDHUIGOBNIY75B26975094BV75816TDWTDOQ497BXA8WBV0T687B UA8BYPV54VY7=-650BNQ99[=BN=89f8wer9vb-t8e-7vBN9DU[MYBO'E'UTW RM NH086-
<Meanwhile, on the Cherries, Needle is running around in circles screaming, covered in barf, Rocky is sitting there not doing anything, Coiny is playing Matchycake with a tree, and Tennis Ball is writing ∏>
TENNIS BALL: 3.141592653589793238462643383279
COINY: 12 followed by 13, who is never ever clean?
TENNIS BALL: 5028841971693993751058209749445
COINY: Match! Match! 14, 15, next is 16, who...uh.....
TENNIS BALL: 9230781640628620899862803482534
COINY: can't think up a rhyme for 16-
TENNIS BALL: Coiny! Coiny! Yuk yuk yuk...
COINY: Grr. <kicks TB off the cliff into the lava>
TENNIS BALL: Coiny, why do I put up with you?
NEEDLE: Coiny! Why did you do that? Now who will solve the equation?
COINY: You will! <throws her the whiteboard marker>
COINY: Silence. Just keep working.
ROCKY: Bleh! <barfs a ten-ton weight on Coiny>
NEEDLE: Yay! He was annoying me.
ROCKY: Bleh! <barfs a ten-ton weight on Needle, then looks very ashamed of himself>
<meanwhile, in the biodome's control tower>
EVIL SPONGY: 4 remahne! HA HA HA!
SPEAKER: Teardrop is the only one smart enough to solve the equation. Unless everyone dies except Rocky or Leafy, the Bass will win and the Cherries will eliminate another contestant.
Let's look at TD. <Woody and TD are studying the book of hints>
<suddenly, the iceberg cracks>
<Woody and TD jump off and fall into the water. Woody freezes and dies while Teardrop manages to swim to safety in a hidden glade>
<Rocky is walking down the mountain, careful not to slip in the lava, when he sees Leafy>
ROCKY: Bleh! <barfs an ice cream cone on Leafy>
LEAFY: Huh? Oh, hi, Rocky. We're the last ones alive on our team.
ROCKY: <nods somberly>
LEAFY: So we need to win, right?
LEAFY: Or we could kill TD.
ROCKY: <holds up a picture of Teardrop with tiny hearts around it>
LEAFY: But we can't actually prove the theory! We have to get to Teardrop's hiding place before she does!
ROCKY: <nods somberly> Bleh! <barfs out 324 ice syringes>
LEAFY: Yay! <grabs 162 ice syringes>
<they run away on the path>
<Meanwhile, Teardrop is scribbling down numbers with a stick in the dirt again. She looks very excited>
<Leafy and Rocky burst through the trees and start throwing ice syringes at her>
<Teardrop dodges 323 and gets hit by the last one>
SPEAKER: <appears in front of Leafy and Rocky> Congrats, winners.
<they teleport outside, in front of the lodge, where all the others are waiting. They're alive again>
PEN: So who lost?
SPEAKER: Your team did. Eat your slop and then join me at the campfire.
<eight bowls of slop later>
SPEAKER: You have all cast your votes and made the decision of who will leave the game. Without further ado, here are your marsh-e-mallows.
ICE CUBE, come on up.
ICE CUBE: Whew.
And TEARDROP. Only Woody and Snowball left. The last marshmallow goes to
NOBODY YET. We need a tiebreaker, since you both got four votes.
<pulls out tie, which good ol' SB rips>
WOODY: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
SNOWBALL: <catches marshmallow> Yay!
PIN: What the-
ERASER: Heh. Bye, Woody!
WOODY: <sadly walks down Dock of Shame and boards the Boat of Losers, which drives into the night>
PIN: Well, that was weird. Come, Snowball. I feel like maybe I have to poke you for no reason.
Elimination 4 votes
Woody: Eraser, Pen, Snowball, Teardrop <lost tiebreaker>
Snowball: Bubble, Ice Cube, Pin, Woody