Before BFDI/Week 2

This is the second week in the Before BFDI series. Part 1 is this page over here!

Plot Synopsis

Here you go!

Characters

Here you go once again!

The week …

Sunday, December 9

1. The Triángolo's house

Scene: Pencil is watching a news report about the crash landing.

• Teleprompter: [holding a microphone whilst standing in ice] This just in, an Unidentified Flying Object has fell and landed in the middle of Greenland; nobody knows what could have happened to it when it ice landed in the crash, w—
• Man: It's "crash landed in the ice".
• Teleprompter: I'm sorry, I've only anchored for the last 56 years! Anyways, to continue, it landed in the ice and all that was left is some scrap metal. How useless!
• Pencil: This show is, like, terrible. An' besides! I 'ave to go!

[Exit Pencil.]

2. In the car

Scene: The family is driving home after church. Needle and Nelson are strangely ecstatic, whilst Pencil and Estigua scoff at an idea like that.

• Nelson: Wow! Church was fun!
• Needle: It was! I mean, I've never said anything like this before!
• Pencil: I thinks it was the bread. It tasted kinde' diff'ren'.
• Estigua: É esse novo químico.
• Pencil: Aye, I remember'e! The rares' chemical in the world! "See h'if 'e die?" "Tea h'off bee sky?" Wote'er, I really don' need ter remember'ee. Jus'ee't'was in Match's 'air.
• Nelson: Can we turn on the music? It's too quiet! I think I want to … to—
• Needle: Oh no …
• Nelson: Mpbleeeekhhhhhhhhhhh! [vomits in the car]
• Estigua: Não é o carro!
• Pencil: Y'know, Nels, if you wan' to vomit jus' open yer window an' do h'it out there.
• Needle: Why, that's disgusting!
• Pencil: [sighs] Mum, turn on the radio now!
• Estigua: Bem. [turns on the radio]
• Jukebox: [on the radio] And that's why you should never call an elephant a cow. Next on obscure trivia is science.
• Nelson: Ooh, I love science!
• Jukebox: A thing that many people are not aware of is that there is a new chemical combination. Scientists at the Pediatricians' Apothecary of Nairobi discovered Benjaminfranklinium deuterium iodide, better known as BfDI.

[Estigua swerves in shock.]

• All: Ah!
• Pencil: Mum, watch out!
• Estigua: Sinto muito. Mas agora eu tenho que … que [vomits in the car] Bleeeeeekhhhhhhhhhhhh!
• Needle: Oh great, that's two!
• Pencil: Wot's worse is that BFDI is now known outside of school.
• Needle: By four people. How many people listen to these facts anyway?
• Pencil: This is one o' the most well-known radio stations in all o' Kenya.
• Needle: Noooooooooooooooooooooooo!
• Pencil: 'Ey, relax, Needy!
• Needle: [slaps] Don't call me Needy! But no.

3. The house

Scene: Pencil is reclining on the couch anxiously with a telephone calling people.

• Pencil: You heard it too Book? Ok, bye. [hangs up and calls Bubble] Omg, Bubble, did'ee hear about … that's wot I was callin'ee 'bout.

[Enter Estigua.]

• Pencil: 'Ey, mum.
• Estigua: Penél'ta, acho que precisamos conversar.
• Pencil: Oh no! Is this like one o' they converzations where I'm ol' enough to talk 'bout me? Or thet converzation when'ee finds out I have a B+ in me Kenya 'istory?
• Estigua: Tens um C na história queniana?
• Pencil: Sorry, that ain't suppos' to come out.
• Estigua: É por isso que vim aqui. Sua escola é realizar uma feira universidade.
• Pencil: But it's also fer clubs!
• Estigua: Haverá professores lá, então você deve estar no seu melhor compo— [noticing she's gone] Penélope?

Monday, December 10

1. The house

Scene: Night. Everyone is sleeping, when suddenly …

• Pencil: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

[Needle and Nelson wake up]

• Needle: What's wrong?
• Pencil: My eraser, it 'urts!
• Needle: Did you take anything?
• Pencil: No!
• Needle: Well, I think it was the— [has pain] Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

[Enter Estigua.]

• Estigua: Têm dor também?
• Nelson: Yes!
• Estigua: Saiam da cama. Vamos para farmácia agora.

[Omnes exeunt.]

2. TT's Pharmacy

Scene: The Triángolos try to find parking at the centre, but all the spaces are full.

• Needle: Is everyone here?
• Pencil: Prob'ly.

[They exit the car into the door. Test Tube is greeting everyone as the crowd rushes in.]

• Test Tube: Come one, come all to TT's Pharmacy, where you c— [nearly is trampled by everyone. She jumps behind the counter] —AN BUY YOUR ANTI-BFDI ITCH CREAMS! I SPEAK ENGLISH, PORTUGUESE AND SCIENCE!
• Canadian Dollar: Everyone in the crowd, lower your voices to a whisper please!

[Everyone rushes into line. Estigua is in the middle of the line. Pencil, Needle and Nelson slip into the crowd when they see their friends.]

3. The alliance's portion of the line

Scene: The alliance, though sandwiched between many people, are talking to each other.

• Pencil: [to the alliance] Omg, h'everyone, 'ow'd'ee get all together like thet?
• Book: We all had a study session!
• Ruby: My mom doesn't want me in the house anyway, so I just went with them.
• Book: She had no choice.
• Bubble: I had no yoylecakes.
• Pencil: So how'd ye felt about th' attack last night?
• Book: Attack? Oh! I think you're using it incorrectly, you really mean—
• Ruby: Bigger problems, Book.
• Bubble: I had a popping spoism!
• Book: My pages felt older.
• Ruby: I lost my shininess by 2%!
• Pencil: I felt a tinglin' in my eraser.
• Ruby: Oh! So … where's Match and the rest?
• Pencil: Match got weekend detention.
• Book: Ooh … according to my research of our school, nobody has been in weekend detention since 92 years, 2 months and 19 days ago!
• Ruby: Really?
• Bubble: What aboit Blocky and the rest?
• Book: I said been in a weekend detention.
• Pencil: You says "been" funny, Book.
• Book: Love you too, Pencil.
• Bubble: Woit, Match isn't with us?
• Book: No, the school forbids that students leave school even for medical reasons during detentions!

4. The front of the line

Scene: Estigua is now second in line, behind Mr. Czecherson, the mean professor from detention.

• Czecherson: Thank you, sir, I need some for my children. They are all with my wife.
• Estigua: [quietly] Aquela coisa mal tem uma esposa e filhos?
• Test Tube: Bye! And I'm a ma'am! Next!
• Estigua: Preciso de creme coceira! E fazer que quatro.
• Test Tube: [not looking] One itch cream coming right u— [looking up to her] Senhora T? É você?
• Estigua: Estou mais surpreso de ver você aqui.
• Test Tube: Yeah …
• Estigua: Por que estás aqui?
• Test Tube: I retired!
• Estigua: …E lo renomeaste à Farmácia de TT.
• Test Tube: Sim!

5. The alliance's position in the line

• Ruby: Omg, yes!
• Estigua: Penél'ta, temo-lo!
• Pencil: I think me mum be callin' me.
• Bubble: Boyo!
• Pencil: Kwaheri!
• Ruby: See you at school!
• Bubble: Noyo!
• Pencil: Wait, there ain't school today?
• Book: The clubs and colleges fair is in school today!

[Exeunt Estigua out of the door with Needle and Nelson.]

• Ruby: See you at the fair!
• Estigua: Sair da porta!
• Pencil: Comin' mum!

[Exit Pencil.]

6. In the car

Scene: Estigua is driving the kids to school.

• Pencil: Wait, why're'ee drivin' to school?
• Estigua: La feira!
• Pencil: Oh! Am I th' only one who never realised'e?
• Estigua/Needle & Nelson: Sim!/Yes!
• Pencil: Omg, I feel so left out.

7. Outside Mrs. T's room

Scene: Mrs. Tannenbaum's room finally gets light. Match is still in weekend detention.

• Match: So dark. Yet so light.

[Enter Mrs. Tannenbaum with Sparky.]

• Mrs. Tannenbaum: Oh there you are! The weekend's been over!
• Match: Yaaaaaaaaaay. [slowly walks out. As she leaves the room, a crowd has formed, spreading throughout the school.] Omg!

[She sees the alliance talking to each other.]

• Match: Omg, there's everyone! [pushes through the crowd] Sorry … exceeeyoooooose me … thanks.
• Pencil: Match, you're free!
• Ruby: And you look like you're a mess!
• Match: I've been there for, like, two days and haven't gotten any food or light or sleep or anything!
• Book: Well–
• Match: Do you know how much time I've, like, wasted in there? I don't think anyone's got a weekend detention since, like, 92 years, like, 2 months and 19 days ago.
• Book: Correct!
• Pencil: Wot should we give 'er?
• Ruby: Morals.
• Bubble: Good one, Ruby!
• Match: Omg, let's, like, check out the clubs!
• Book: Yeah!
• Pencil: I feel like we're missin' some'n.
• Book: Yup …
• Match: Whoever it is, like, it doesn't matter.
• Pencil: OMG! We're missin' Pen!
• Match: I was right; he doesn't matter.
• Book: Match!
• Match: I mean …
• Pencil: We have ter run around the school 'til we find'e!
• Bubble: Hoyw can you find him if there's a croyd?
• Pencil: I GPS'd 'is cap.

[The alliance looks at her like she's crazy.]

• Match: No wonder I hear him complain!
• Pencil: [trying to find] Ah! I can't find me GPS!
• Book: Oops, I accidentally stole yours from the party. Yeah, I'm a rebel!
• Pencil: Like … thank you, Book, you're a lifesaver!
• Life Saver: Actually, that's my job!

[Everyone is confused.]

• Pencil: 'E's at the club stands.
• Match: Club stands? Then why are you so, like, excited?
• Pencil: So I can sign up wit' the same clubs as 'e!
• Match: I want to go so I can find boys there!
• Alliance: WOW.
• Bubble: Clubs? What about colleges?
• Ruby: Or universities?
• Pencil: Umm … why do all o' ye seem to know 'bout wot there are 'ere?
• Bubble: Uh … we can't soy.
• Pencil: Weird. But won't'ee be weird if we sign'd up fer the same clubs?
• Ruby: Well what if it's something you don't really like?
• Pencil: Don' be silly, Ruby, there ain't nothin' me boy loves that I don't.
• Ruby: How about sports?
• Pencil: I love sports!
• Ruby: It could be—
• Pencil: Wot else?
• Match: How about the taste of olive oil?
• Pencil: Omg, Match! I can totally, like, eat Pen's traditional Grecian food like the terrible wonderful olive oil!

[The rest of the alliance laugh.]

• Bubble: What aboit other goyrls?
• Pencil: Other girls? [sees the club stands] I doubt Pen'd sign up with— [sees him signing up for a club] OTHER GIRLS!!

8. The club stands

Scene: Pen is signing up for football when the girl at the other club looks flirty to him.

• Scissor: Yih, all our football positions were left by Trophy … but then he poimanently left.
• Pen: You mean dropped out—
• Scissor: DON'T SAY THAT!!!
• Pen: Sorry!
• Scissor: Look, kid. You wanna try out? I see you runnin' all the time.
• Pen: Wow, football's the same time as track?
• Scissor: No, I also coach goils' softball.
• Pen: That explains the squealing.
• Scissor: Mm. Now, if you wanna do it, you'll need training. Hard training. Then again, you'll be playin' fo the best team in the country!
• Pen: All because of Trophy?
• Scissor: All 'cause of Trophy. [signs up] Y'know, while he was here he had several wives!
• Pen: Wives?
• Scissor: Yep. Not girlfriends, wives. The big man vif kampas.
• Pen: Why?
• Scissor: Let's just say he attracted many goils. Like 37% of the school.
• Pen: Goils?
• Scissor: Goils! You know, G-I-R-L-S.
• Pen: Oh, that! That's gi—
• Scissor: NO! But is that what you want?
• Pen: Well, I kind of … definitely … do have a goil girlfriend.

[The girl at the next stand, Lola, breaves heavily in rage.]

• Lola: Hh-nn! Hh-nn! Hh-nn! Hh-nn! Hh-nn! Hh-nn! Hh-nn! Hh-nn! Hh-nn! Hh-nn! Hh-nn! Hh-nn!
• Scissor: Goil. Ya scared? This guy's gonna be on the football team!
• Pen: Well, a- actually, I was debating on—
• Lola: You have a girlfriend!?
• Pen: Yeah!
• Scissor: This conversation boys me.
• Lola: Y- YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND!?
• Pen: Yeah, why?
• Lola: I don't know!

[Enter Pencil and her alliance.]

• Pencil: Pen, get yer cap 'ere right now an' explain why you're talkin' to thet girl!
• Scissor: Ooooooooooh, this just got nas-ty! [awkward silence] Go ahead.
• Pencil: [to Lola] Who's she?
• Lola: What's that?
• Pen: She's my girlfriend.

[Meanwhile with the rest of the alliance.]

• Match: Omg! Let's go check out, like, the a-na-gram club. There's a really cute guy, like, there! Wanna come?
• Book: [gasps] I see gurus!
• 1^st Guru: Come all, come none, to the Indian Cultures Club!
• 2^nd Guru: Where you don't have to learn about the Indian culture!
• Needle: You don't have to learn? Oh goodie!
• 2^nd Guru: No, you do have to learn; it's Indian Cultures Club for a reason.
• 1^st Guru: मैं आप ज़ोर से या शांत करना चाहिए?
• Book: Wow, so interesting! I'm going.

[Exit Book.]

• Match: Wait! [wanders her eyes to the fashion club] Like, what about the IPFT club? Can you see the leader? Ooh la la …
• Book: I "pft" you!
• Ruby: Match, what does IPFT mean?
• Match: Only, like, the Inter-Planetary Fashion Trends Club!
• Bubble: I don't soy how fashion trends from oyther planets pertoin to the conversoition!
• Match: Don't, like, worry Bubble, we'll find something for you.

[Exeunt Match, Ruby and Bubble.]

• Pencil: Like, totally. [to Pen] Okay, let's go, this girl's creepin' me out.

[Exeunt Pen and Pencil. The alliance follows them.]

9. A corner

Scene: A corner darker than the rest of the school. Pencil and Pen stay there from hiding from Lola.

• Pencil: Omg, who is she?
• Pen: I don't know. But she freaked out when she saw you.
• Pencil: I h'ain't thet intimidating ain't'I?
• Pen: No …
• Book: Hey.
• Pencil: 'Ey.
• Match: We, like, signed ourselves up for every club in school.
• Book: We raced to see who could be the fastest!
• Ruby: I won!
• Bubble: She is so foist!
• Book: Alright. So we signed all of us up for the A students club (except for Match), Alphabeting Club, Arabic Club, Attic Greek Culture Club, Anagram Club, Ambigram Club, and when I went to the university section by myself I was interested in the University of Arugula, the University of …

[Meanwhile, at the club stands.]

• Lola: I'm gonna get you, Pencil Triángolo! [kicks over the club stand] Aaaaaaaaaaah!
• Nearby students: Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!
• Lola: This arts and crafts club is over!
• Conch: Does that mean we signed up for nothing?
• Lola: YES! I only came here because I knew Pen would like football, but instead he blew me off!
• Conch: Isn't that a go—
• Lola: NO! Now, out of my way! I need to go!

[Exit Lola after them. Meanwhile, with the alliance.]

• Book: … and the Zzyzx Roadrunners' Club. I didn't get a chance to see the r—
• Pencil: Omg, I see thet thing! [sees Lola knock down other people to get Pencil]
• Lola: Pencil Triángolo, I'm comin' to get you!
• Pencil: She knows me las' name!

[They back away slowly.]

• Lola: Hh-nn! Hh-nn! Hh-nn! Hh-nn! Hh-nn! Hh-nn! Hh-nn! Hh-nn! Hh-nn! Hh-nn! Hh-nn! Hh-nn!
• Bubble: Not this again!

[They back away quickly.]

• Conch: [quickly] Lola! Come here!
• Lola: Gqaaaaah, what now!
• Conch: Quickly! The real Arts and Crafts club leader would like a word with you!

[The alliance sees a giant screen TV.]

• Pencil: Omg, thet TV's playin' me favourite show!
• Ruby: You like Gems Daily?
• Pencil: No!
• Bubble: That's interesting! I'm woitching Yoylebaking!
• Match: I, like, see a new fashion series!
• Pen: Tales of the Ambassador for me.
• Book: History of Kenya: Director's Cut.
• Pencil: I'm watchin' Tuesday Afternoon Football
• Pen: In that case, so am I!
• Pencil: Really? 'kay. Who's winnin' right now.
• Pen: The team with the … uh … thing.
• Conch: Oh, you mean the New York Jets? You see, I'm good at recognizing NFL teams.
• Pen: Wow, a girl knows more about sports than me!
• Pencil: Oh, don' be so sexist.
• Pen: Sorry, that's Eraser's job.
• Book: Hey Pencil, why are you watching football? Shouldn't you be watching real football?
• Ruby: This is Kenya, not Canada America!
• Conch: … And— [gets pushed by Lola] Ouch! Lola! What are you doing?
• Lola: Hh-nn! Hh-nn! Hh-nn! Hh-nn! Hh-nn! Hh-nn! Hh-nn! Hh-nn! Hh-nn! Hh-nn! Hh-nn! Hh-nn!
• Book: That growling sounds familiar.
• Ruby: It's Lola! Quick! Hop into the TV!
• Match: Omg, don't be ridic', nobody can hop into the— [hops to the TV at the same time as Ruby]
• Bubble: Boyo! [goes in]
• Book: Yeah … see ya! [goes in]
• Lola: [teleports nearer to Pen and Pencil as Evil Leafy would do] Omg! It's finally … you! … I know … everything about … you. Your … favourite colour … is cerulean … you have … sang at … the K for a year … as of now, lived … in Canada—
• Pencil: Okay, let's go in! [She jumps in. Then arms come out of the TV and drag him in. Lola follows, but hits her head on the screen.]
• Lola: Why!?
• Everyone: Hahahahaahahahahahahahahahah!
• Buggy: Do not worry! You are not the crazed one. I used to think I could talk to rocks.

10. TV world

Scene: Inside the television screen that the alliance jumped into.

• Ruby: Woah, where are we?
• Bubble: The sign says "Woilcome to TV World!"
• Match: TV World, eh?
• Pencil: H'if'e be TV World, why are the walls all purple?
• Pen: She's right! There are no TV shows going on here.
• Book: I'm guessing it's an … animation error! [Book's mouth literally drops to the floor]
• Pen: I think this may be the reality show sign up station.
• Match: [sees a sign] Omg! "Would you like to battle for an island?"
• Ruby: Yes, I love islands! If I had one, I'd name it … Poopy Mayonnaise!
• Pencil: Coolio!
• Pen: Doesn't our dad own several islands in the Middle East?
• Pencil: 'Ey, don' brag about it.
• Bubble: Let's goio then!

[They go to the stations that show battling for islands.]

• Pen: Is anyone here?
• Match: There's someone cute here! [looks at Sword] I'm gonna, like, go talk to him. [calls out] Heeeeeeeeeeey!

[Exeunt Match, Ruby and Book.]

• Pencil: I'm gonna go.
• Pen: Wait, don't go yet!
• Bubble: It's really boiring here.

[Suddenly enter all announcers, including a large Balikbayan box. All stop what they're doing.]

SONG: Announcers

♫ We are the hosts, all of us came hither!
We can make flowers suddenly wither!
To Greenland we came,
A day hence, none blame,
Teleprompter was there,
And yet, we don't care!
We are the hosts, never mind these others!
Forceful are we, all forgot their mothers!

• Pen: Seems kind of weird, eh?
• Pencil: I guess.

Well, maybe you're wondering,
What us robots make you battle for!
On Wednesday, 'twill be a-thundering.
Perhaps it's the work of Thor? ♫
[spoken] Sorry, I just had to mention our extreme intelligence!
♫ Scissor Island, no!
Fruit Island, no!
Candle Island, Mantle Island, Handle, Vandal, Scandal Island—
All of these are wrong, you know why?
'Cause it's Dream Island! (Dream Island, yeah!)
The battle is for the Dream Island, the Isle of Dreams!
Dream, Dream, Dream, Dream, Dream Island!
Come from below, come from the sky,
It's 夢島の戦い！
Should find a place for you to stay,
Dream Island, want to win it, sign today!

Paradise is just in a square mile,
A place to sleep in, five-star's now in style.
Wouldn't you like to gamble for bucks?
Sextuples of fine dining among of the lux.
Servants you shall call and slaves that we could be,
Episodes numbered two and twenty plus three! [The box opens, revealing the announcer.]

'Cause it's Dream Island! (Dream Island, yeah!)
The battle is for the Dream Island, the Isle of Dreams!
Dream, Dream, Dream, Dream, Dream Island!
Come, Motu One, come Nuku Hiva,
Over in order to Vita kwa Ndoto Kisiwa!
'Cause it's Dream Island! (Dream Island, yeah!)
The battle is for the Dream Island, the Isle of Dreams!
Dream, Dream, Dream, Dream,
Dream, Dream, Dream, Dream,
Dream, Dream, Dream, Dream,
Dream, Dream, Dream, Dream,
Dream, Dream, Dream, Dream,
Dream, Dream, Dream, Dream,
Dream, Dream, Dream,
Dream Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiislaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannndddd! ♫

[During this, enter all. At the end, everyone claps.]

• Pen: That was amazing!
• Pencil: Encore, encore!
• Announcer: No. Just sign here, all of you.

[Chaos. Everyone is rushing to sign up for the Battle.]

• Book: Yes, first! Take that, MeTube commenters!
• Ruby: Second!
• Match: Third! See, I don't care about any other now that I, like, got my new robot boyfriend!
• Bubble, Ruby & Book: Eww!
• Bubble: Oikay, let's get oit. It's a madhoyse in here!

[Exeunt Book, Ruby, Match and Bubble.]

• Pencil: Wait fer us!

11. Outside the television

Scene: Pen and Pencil exit out here hastily in a different direction from the rest of the alliance. There they see a few of the hosts before tha alien invasion.

• Pencil: Huh? Wot're'ee doin' 'ere?
• Football: I'm Football … a host.
• Pen: Don't you mean football; you're American, eh?
• Pencil: There's a difference? Oh, 'ow I wish Book were 'ere, she's the meta one!
• Football: What are you talking about girl?
• Pencil: Sorry, I get in panic attacks when I'm confus'd. An' yet it's quite a mix o' h'idyllic bliss with Pen! [They kiss.]
• Football: Eww. Romance. Anyways, even though you're the only ones here, I still have to go through the usual. Pen, do you want to sign up for Battle for Scissor Island? It's a reality show.
• Pen: When will the season start?
• Football: You can count on me! It will start next year.
• Pen: But I already signed up for this other reality show called, Battle For Dream Island.
• Football: Oh, ok.
• Pencil: 'Ey, why'd'ee specifically h'ask fer Pen an' not me?
• Football: Well … um, the fact that you're a girl … [Pencil gasps in shock] and how most of these challenges are … physical [Pencil gets angry] —and-that-we-don't-really-support-people-who-don't-speak-English-even-though-you-have-a-really-really-really-awesome-accent-but—
• Pencil: Come on, Pen, we're leavin'.

12. Another side

Scene: Leafy is singing a song from G&S's Patience outside alone, whilst cleaning up the dirty benches.

SONG: Leafy as "Patience"

♫ I cannot tell what this love may be
That cometh to all but not to me.
It cannot be kind as they'd imply,
Or why do these ladies sigh?
It cannot be joy and rapt—

• Book: Hey!
• Ruby: Why aren't you inside?
• Match: [to herself] Don't talk to strangers unless they're cute boys. Don't talk to …
• Bubble: Hey, Loify!
• Leafy: I- I- I have to clean up these benches. They're in need of a cleaning!
• Book: Really?
• Leafy: Well, yeah! [awkward silence] Okay, I'll tell you! But only because you all are the popular girls and you'll probably tell the whole school that I'm—
• Bubble: No, we woint! We're good!
• Ruby: It's Match who isn't.
• Match: Hey!
• Ruby: Ha-ha, jk.
• Leafy: You might, like, know this by now, but you should understand I don't go with crowds! No matter how good they sing! It's peer pressure, and it's bad!
• Ruby: You should still go in!
• Book: They are selling goodness cupcakes.
• Leafy: Oh my tree, got to go! [runs off to the TV]
• Book: I think we did it!
• Bubble: We are goiod people.

13. Another other side

Scene: Pen and Pencil are alone sitting together.

• Pencil: It's so wonderful we're alone.
• Pen: Yeah.
• Pencil: Watchin' the sunset together.
• Pen: Yeah.
• Pencil: Don't'ee thinks everyone should be out?
• Pen: Yeah.
• Pencil: Is thet wot all men say now!? "Yeah?"
• Pen: We don't say it 'cause we have no choice; we say it 'cause we want.
• Pencil: Thet's the manliest thing I've 'eard all day. [They kiss.]
• Pen: Well—
• Pencil: Wote'er. At least … [Estigua is running outside of the television towards the couple. Pencil refuses to notice.]
• Estigua: Penélope Triángolo, no carro, agora!
• Pen: Mrs. Triángolo, we weren't doing anything!
• Estigua: Não me importo; não há tempo.

[There is a huge crowd running out with Estigua. The rest of the alliance joins them as well.]

• Pencil: Er, Needle, you sits in the front.
• Needle: But—

14. Speeding on the road

[They all get into Estigua's tiny car: Needle and Estigua in the front, Nelson, Pen, Pencil, Match, Ruby, Bubble and Book in the back.]

• Bubble: Can't pop hoire!

[They are the first ones to drive out quickly on the road.]

• Book: What's with the rush?
• Needle: The Gang of 8 is back!
• Pen: Out of prison?
• Needle: No, out of a spaghetti jar, of course out of prison!
• Pencil: Oh great.

[The car slows down a bit, and nearly a million cars pass them on the road, leaving them in last place.]

• Estigua: Oh meu Deus, a gangue vem!

[For some reason, the gang of 8 is floating past their car slowly, like the Bloopers in Mario, with their ugly miscoloured tongues out.]

• Match: Omg, drive faster! Their tongues are hideous!
• Gang of 8: Mnyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! [Benjaminfranklinium deuterium iodide drips out of their tongue into the car]
• Needle: Nels, the windows!
• Nelson: Ok, ok, ok!

[Nelson rolls the window up, managing to block out 99.9% of germs. However, the .1% that came in comes shot like a cannon.]

• Nelson: Duck! [ducks]
• Pen: Woah! [ducks]
• Pencil: Should I duck like this? Or like this? [Either way, she gets hit with the liquid.]
• Match: Omg, I can't look!
• Bubble: Is it boid?
• Needle: Yes. In fact, you can really see the disgusting piece of—
• Pencil: Get me to th' Apothecary, quick!
• Estigua: Bem!

[A few minutes later]

15. Apothecary

Scene: The Apothecary. Test Tube greets an old friend.

• Test Tube: Olá, Senhora T!
• Estigua: Voltou!
• Test Tube: I got fired at the pharmacy. Did you know you're not allowed to say any words with more than nine letters? Watermelon watermelon watermelon watermelon—
• Estigua: Tenho um problema. Olhe para a minha filha.
• Test Tube: Oh! Let me do some analysis! [types on the computer]
• Pencil: Wot's'e says?
• Test Tube: Gasp! You are the first person in the whole world to get a case of Advanced BfDI.
• All: Gasp! (Estigua: Suspiro!)
• Test Tube: Now where'd you get it?
• Pencil: F- f- from the gang.
• Test Tube: Ewwww! The gang of 8; yeah, we refuse to go to them.
• Pencil: Will it be better?
• Test Tube: I don't know. You are the first one to have it.

[Dun dun dunnnnn.]

16. Dark Room

Scene: Nearly midnight. A dark room in Pencil's house. They all are having a sleep over at Pencil's request.

• Pencil: I still don't get wot'e BfDI means.
• Bubble: Is it— [popped by Book]
• Ruby: Wait! It's Benjaminfranklinium deuterium iodide!
• Book: Hold on, I've got to go eat my midnight snack.

[Exit Book.]

• Pen: Nope, the BfDI she got was Big Flaming Demetrix Infinity that can cause BfDI, but can also cause—

[Enter Gelatin.]

• Gelatin: Ruby? Where are you?
• Ruby: Quick! Hide!

[Everyone hides.]

• Gelatin: [finds Ruby] Alright, Ruby. [pulls out big knife]
• All: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
• Gelatin: Prepare to get embar—
• Pencil: [interupts Gelatin] Wait! Don' 'arm Ruby. She 'ates to reveal 'er vir[censored]inity!
• Gelatin: Fine. I'M GONNA MORTIFY BOTH OF YOU! And your little dog, too.
• Pen: Dog?
• Pencil: Wotch me try m8!

[Gelatin cuts Pen's pants in half, revealing his underwear]

• Pencil: [looks at Pen and covers her eyes] Ahhhhhhhhh!
• Ruby: What?
• Pencil: [points at Pen, who is in his boxers] I can't believe'ee're goin' out on other women!

[Ruby covers her eyes]

• Pen: You think I'ven't any vir[censored]inity? Oh, that was from Canada, eh, Match?
• Match: Oh yeah, like, from Saucy Sherbert.
• Pencil: Saucy Sherbert, I will melt'ee.
• Gelatin: Oh really? Prove. Let's have a fight!
• Pen: No no no, I'm-really-not-the-fighting-type-if-we-could-just-work-this-out-diplomatically-and-maturely-as-us-then-we-should-really—
• Pencil: I'll do'he!
• Gelatin: Yes, and your lead will poison the ground for you! [aims knife at Pen]
• Pencil: It's graphite, an' i' h'aint poisonous! [Gelatin aims for Ruby.]
• Ruby: [knocks the knife out of Pen's hands and punches Gelatin's stomach] Quick! Match! Finish him!
• Match: No, I love him with all my heart and will—
• Ruby: [looking outside] Wow, look at the guy outside! Is he, like, walking like that? So hot!
• Pencil: You can get'ee h'if you 'elps me fight Gelatin!
• Match: I'm, like, fighting now!

[Two hours later]

• Match: Omg, fighting is so boring.

[She hits Gelatin, who falls. Match runs outside of the house to see the one Ruby and Pencil were talking about.]

• Gelatin: Ay, what happened?
• Pencil: Match be h'a-fightin'ee, an' you died.
• Gelatin: Weird … I've never been of the fighting type.
• Book: So you were possessed!
• Gelatin: Well … no … maybe … kind of … ye—
• Pencil: [scared] MUM, WAKE UP, GET TH' HOLY WAT—
• Estigua: [waking up] Ugh …
• Gelatin: Actually, I'm pretty sure it was the BfDI.
• Pencil: Thet makes two of us.

[Pencil, Ruby, Book, Pen and Gelatin sit in awkward silence.]

Tuesday, December 11

1. The house

Scene: Pencil is sitting around the table with the people at the sleep-over, whilst Needle and Nelson are confused.

• Nelson: Who's that? [pointing to Gelatin]
• Ruby: Gelatin, this guy who crashed our party.
• Pencil: For the las' time, it wasn't a party, there was less than six.
• Match: Well, I was, like, there.
• Book: Actually around 2 in the morning I heard footsteps and your voice whispering "Sword's house is amazing, wanna go there?"
• Match: Sorry I basically ditched you.
• Pencil: It's ok. 'Ey, wanna go to school early?
• Match: Can we, like, go to Shōhakoku?
• Pencil: Sure! Now let's walk to "school" before mum wakes up.

[Exeunt Book, Bubble, Gelatin, Match, Pen, Pencil & Ruby. Estigua wakes up as they leave.]

• Estigua: Onde estão as crianças?
• Needle: They all went to Shōhakoku. Without your permission!
• Estigua: Esses arruaceiros!

2. Shōhakoku

Scene: Shōhakoku Pencil and the alliance (+ Gelatin) are exiting from it.

• Match: Omg, he spelled my name wrong! There's a T in it, Kazuma, get used to it!
• Book: You should really give him credit, Match, English isn't his first language! I'm just happy he spelt my name in Japanese.
• Pen: Yeah.
• Ruby: Yours is the only one that's spelled correctly, ha!
• Pencil: Y'know, h'if we walk to school, we're barely be late.
• Gelatin: Good idea!
• Book: What are you talking about? You don't even go to this school!
• Gelatin: Yes, I do.
• All: What?
• Gelatin: Remember how our little school in Argentina has a fire whenever a trend hits the world?
• Bubble: Noio! Tell us more!
• Gelatin: It hit us first.
• Pen: Let me guess: The trend is BFDI.
• Gelatin: Yes. They're sending in the refugees as we speak. [indicates a bus with several students]

3. School

Scene: They have walked to it.

• Pen: Er … Pencil?
• Pencil: [sees a shadowy figure] You're thinkin' wot I be thinkin'?
• Pen: Yeah.

[Enter Ulip rapidly. At the same time, exeunt Book, Bubble, Ruby, Match & Gelatin.]

• Ulip: O … M … G … it's YOU!
• Pencil: Aye, I know h'it's me, now ge— [Ulip in fact gets Pen and pins him down to the ground.]
• Ulip: Oh my gosh oh my gosh I can't believe it's you! You've grown so much! I love you, I love you, I love you! [kisses him]
• Pen: Get off me!
• Ulip: No!
• Pencil: Ah! [pushes her off him]
• Ulip: Why'd you do that?
• Pencil: H'admit'ee, Lola!
• Ulip: Alright, I was Lola at the fair!
• Pencil: I thought'ee was datin' Paper.

[Flashback to November 2006. Ulip and Paper are crying, whilst Pencil and Pen stand on the other side indifferent.]

• • Ulip: Hh-nn! Hh-nn! I can't … can't believe that … after the 11 months … I've … I've seen you, I'm leaving!
  • Pen: Yaaay …
  • Paper: And no matter how far we'll be, Pencil, I'll never forget you!
  • Pencil: You should …

[Exeunt both on a ship.]

• • Pen: We'll not miss you.
  • Match: Omg, they're gone!
  • Book: But don't you know what you've done? If you answer their pleads so emotionlessly, they'll want revenge.
  • Pencil: Oh, please. I h'-met babies who wan' more revenge.

[To real life]

• Pen: That's not fair, you edited the clips!
• Ulip: Correct-a-mundo! That is Argentinian for "Correct to the world!" Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-hh-nn! Hh-nn!

[Enter Paper. He looks drastically different than from when he did earlier.]

• Paper: [stiffly] Hello everyone.
• Pen: Wow, you've grown quieter!

[Flashback.]

• • Paper: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

[Real life]

• Paper: I am sorry for what I have done to you all. I hope you accept this beautiful bouquet of flowers I made myself from Ar-gen-tiiiiiiiiiiiiii-na. [gives it]
• Pencil: Give me! It's probably another trap agai—
• Erythrina: ¡Sácame de estas manos extranjeras! [runs away]
• Paper: I bid you all a good bye and wish to be treated well as a guest at your wonderful public high school.

[Exit Paper. The alliance is back watching.]

• Match: Omg, is that Sword? [runs over to him]
• Pencil: This cannot end well.
• Sword: H- how did you know?
• Match: It's you! [hugs him tightly]
• Sword: Can't breathe!
• Match: Omg, your house was amazing last night!
• Sword: You were in my house? Why?
• Match: Because, like, I love you and your exotic Spanish-ness!
• Sword: There is no degree of Spanish-ness in Argentina.
• Match: Perfect, I'll quote you on just, like, that!
• Sword: No no no no no!
• Match: Hey, can I, like, see your schedule?
• Sword: Shediual? What in blue blazes does that mean?
• Match: [shows her schedule] This thing?
• Sword: [reading it] No …
• Match: You're jealous that I have, like, no classes with you?
• Sword: No … I have all my classes with you!
• Match & Sword: [with happiness/anger] Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

[The bell rings.]

• Match: Come hither boy, we go directly to first period.
• Sword: Why?
• Match: It's the 11^th of the month, silly! We just go straight there!
• Sword: Why as reason?
• Match: So I have someone to walk with! [the rest of the alliance is gone]

4. Mr. Cove's classroom

Scene: Mr. Cove is teaching about something.

• Mr. Cove: So new students of the class, come see me so I can give you your syllabus. And no other student, not even if they have a question on the Kilwa Sultanate, not even if they have a question on the Swahili lessons that I've been gi— [feels something] Oh [censored]. My water broke. I need to go to the bathroom to give birth.

[Exit Mr. Cove. For a few seconds, everyone is confused. Then they start randomly chatting.]

• Match: [to Sword who is talking with his friends] Sword … Sword … SWORD! Ugh, why isn't he talking?
• Sword: Sí, yo sé.
• Ceibo: Che, se le ha caído, y luego volviste otra vez!
• Sword: Resulta que vos podés estar en la televisión y la educación.
• Ceibo: Che, la chica sigue mirando a vos.
• Sword: Me encargo de esto. [writes a note and gives it to her. They laugh when they see her reaction.]
• Match: Omg, thanks! Even though I know, like, nothing of this!

5. After class

Scene: Pencil and Match are outside of one of the classes.

• Match: Here! [gives the note to Pencil to translate]
• Pencil: Aww, a love letter fer me?
• Match: No, from Sword!
• Pencil: [reads and then gasps] Omg!
• Match: What?
• Pencil: D'ye know why 'e wrote'ee?
• Match: No, that's why I came to you …
• Pencil: This is a restrainin' order 'gains'ee! With colourful vocabulary!
• Match: Omg, that's the funniest joke ever! [takes it to the Spanish professor]
• Mrs. Paella: Yes, that is a restraining order. With colourful vocabulary!
• Match: Oh my, like, woodsecles, he does hate me now! [runs off crying]
• Mrs. Paella: Señorita Triángolo, did you do your homework?
• Pencil: No, Mrs. Paella. Can I go to yer room right now to finish'e?
• Mrs. Paella: Sure.

6. In Mrs. Paella's room

Scene: A quiet study hall during break. Ubiquitous idle chatter. However, only Pencil, Ruby, Rosy and MeTunes are there.

• Ruby: [on phone] Thank goodness … [puts away phone]
• Rosy: Umm … you're not allowed to use your phone here!
• Ruby: Sorry. It was really important!
• Pencil: Who b'ye callin'?
• Ruby: The Headmistress, it's about Gelatin.
• MeTunes: There is, like, no way on earth you can contact professors with a forbidden device!
• Pencil: Wot d'yee'd now?
• Ruby: I'm not going too …

[Pencil noticed Ruby's skirt was mended in tape]

• Pencil: He did wot?
• Ruby: He did it. He finally did it. [rolls eyes]
• Baseball Cap: [offscreen] Ha! I thought so!

[Enter Book, Pen, Eraser & Match]

• Match: No way! Omg, Pencil, you're still here?
• Pencil: Like, it's the segue from break to study 'all!
• Match: Study hall? … Oh wait, it's the 11^th of the month. Ne-ver miiiind!
• Pencil: Er … ye got somethin' on'ee.

[Pencil notices that Eraser has his pants stitched with scotch tape in the halfway mark; Pen has a mark near his right eye; Book has a bruise on her leg and Match has her clothes hanging a big loose; her shirt's buttons are loose; her skirt's zipper is halfway opened.]

• Pencil: Wot 'appen'd?
• Pen: Gelatin is what happened.
• Eraser: He did that to others.
• Match: We have, like, bigger problems!
• Pen & Eraser: Girl problems. We're out.

[Exeunt Pen and Eraser.]

• Match: Whatever. But we have this problem!
• Pencil: Wot is?
• Match: Well, Sword isn't talking to me! He basically just went to Cove's class, like, with no kiss, no hug, no bye!
• Ruby: What?
• Pencil: I told'ee, h'it's the restrainin' order!
• Match: But I love him!
• Pencil: No you doesn't! You loves Firey!
• Rosy: And Eraser.
• MeTunes: And any other boy you see …

[The bell rings. Enter Mrs. Paella.]

• Mrs. Paella: Match, you should really go. There is six minutes to go to study hall, after that is an expulsion.

[Exit Match.]

• Pencil: Omg, 'ow will Bubble cope with the fact 'er bae's gone rogue?

7. Lunch

Scene: Screen cuts to lunch. Bubble, Pencil, Match, Ruby and Book are eating together.

• Bubble: That's ridiculois and prepoisterous! Whoy would Gelatin do such a thing? I moin, he's such a good'ne, singing aboit floywers and extraoirdinary and, and pretty moids [continues to go on saying nice things about Gelatin] …
• Ruby: [to Pencil] We tried warning her!
• Pencil: Aye …
• Book: Can we not have Gelatin be the villain of this? It's completely spontaneous and unnecessarily cruel to such a nice person! We still have BFDI to worry about! [everyone groans] What do you mean, [groaning sound]?
• Match: This whole BFDI conversation's got to, like, go.
• Bubble: So troyo.
• Book: Thennnnn … let's make a game!
• The Game: The one you just lost?

[Everyone groans again.]

• Book: But- but- but … Anyways, the rules are here. Anyone who thinks of BFDI must say "I lost the game."
• All: I lost The Game.
• Book: No no no, it's "I lost the game".
• Ruby: What's the difference?
• Book: "The" shouldn't be capitalised!
• Match: So, let's, like, see who can survive the longest without thinking of You-Know-What—
• Deep voice from underground: GET BFDI!!!!
• All: I lost the game.
• Deep voice from underground: LOVE SWORD!!!!
• Match: Ah! I Lost the game.
• Book: Woah, what's that? You know, with the capital L?
• Match: Whenever I think about Sword. But don't, like, worry, I don't think about Sword that much!
• All: Awwwwwwwww!
• Match: I Lost the game, I Lost the game, I Lost the game, I Lost the game, I Lost the game!!!
• Ruby: Match, you've got to stop thinking about Sword.
• Pencil: Aye, let's go to the counsellor!

[Exeunt Pencil and Match.]

• Ruby: Oh, no bye?

8: Counsellor's room

(In a few sections after, the references in the colour blue [I find red hard on the eyes] will be for NLG343 on why I did change the original. But only in emergencies if they are as important.) Scene: Tennis Ball the bouncer and the hall monitor has his back turned on the girls. [Enter Pencil and Match.]

• Tennis Ball: I lost the Game. I Lost the game. I Lost The Game! [censored] IT, I LOST THE GAME!!!!
• Pencil: Ye sure did m8!
• Tennis Ball: [turns around] Oh sorry, [blushes] I was thinking about numerous subjects! Including BFDI!
• Pencil & Match: We lost the game.
• Pencil: A-ny-waaaaay, we wan' Match ter get 'er mind off Sword.
• Tennis Ball: [becoming serious] I'm afraid that question out of my hands, I control staff assignmnets, and test handiness, You wouldn't mind asking our headmistress either, she controls the student assignments, student handiness, staff firings/hirings and School Security. But there is Mrs. McKnish, she controls Heatlh assignments, but also your "tardiness target". Hey, maybe you should meet her when you have the chance …

[The bell rings]

• Pencil: Oh! Come on Match! We got calculus with!
• Tennis Ball: Good luck!

[Exeunt Pencil and Match.]

9. Halls

Scene: Pencil and Match are walking to calculus together, whilst Ruby is running up to them.

• Ruby: [joins Match and Pencil] Hey, where are you going?
• Pencil: Calculator.
• Ruby: Oooooooh!

10. Halls again

Scene: Three hours later, after several class periods. Pencil and the alliance are walking together.

• Pencil: Oh no, we totally fergot!
• Ruby: Forgot what?
• Pencil: To take Match all the way to the counsellor's!

[Exeunt Ruby, Bubble and Book.]

• Pencil: Don' worry, Match, I'm th' only one to save'ee from—
• Match: I Lost the game!!!
• Pencil: But—
• Match: SWORD!!!!!!!!

[She runs to him, in love.]

• Sword: No, no, please don't get me!
• Pencil: Match! No! Calm down! [she calms down] Sit! [she sits] Staaaaay … [she stays] Now walk away from the boy! [she walks away from the boy]
• Sword: Che! I am a man.
• Pencil: Aye, but—
• Sword: Por favor, get this girl to a psychiatrist!

[Enter the valiant ones: Ceibo, Diamond and Iron. They knock Match out with a blow to the fist. Omnes almost exeunt, and Pencil is confused.]

11. Ruth's Therapy

Scene: Match is waking up in a nice room with ambient light and Christmas decorations. It's Ruth's office, where she meets with new patients.

• Match: Like, where am I?

[Enter Ruth.]

• Ruth: You were called into the guidance councellor's office, but were recommended to go somewhere else.
• Match: And?
• Ruth: Here you are!
• Match: Let me, like, out! [tries to open the door, but Ruth closes it]
• Ruth: No.
• Match: Like—
• Ruth: Just say your problems, and I'll try to help you!
• Match: [breathes deeply] Ok. I love this new guy at my school, and his name is Sword. [silence] I Lost the game!
• Ruth: Strange. [takes notes] I have a diagnosis!
• Match: What? It's not a disease to fall for someone who's Spanish-Argentian … and the same age as me … and … and … [faints. Ruth sprays Match with water as a cat-owner would do]
• Ruth: You have E-agapa-gia-tus-anthropus-pu-inae-ispanices-ce-tes-argentines-ce-inae-e-hidia-elicia-me-sena.
• Match: Which is?
• Ruth: I don't know, but everything sounds more science-y in Greek!
• Match: True. You should her my brothers' family when they're eating, hahahahaha—
• Ruth: Hahahahaaha— no. But I have the perfect cure! Hypnosis!
• Match: Are you, like, really sure, because my biology prof said that—
• Ruth: [agitated] Who's the doctor here?
• Match: [sigh] You are.
• Ruth: Okay … [gets a pocket watch and swings it like a pendulum] You are getting sleepy … sleepy … sleepy … [Match falls asleep] Now … when I say "monoketu", you will go into SEM mode. [Match goes into SEM mode] When I say "ponupebu", you will lose all affection to Sword. When I say "zesowoxo", you will suddenly become normal and not fall for Sword again. When I say "hadojete", you will stay true to what everyone wants. And when I say "cemuyeqi", you will wake up. But beware, for when I say "utekonom", the spell will be lifted forever, and can never be back again. [Match is still sleeping] Now to recite my spells. PONUPEBU! ZESOWOXO! HADOJETE! CEMUYEQI! [Match wakes up normally]
• Match: Omg, why am I here?
• Ruth: I don't know. Now goodbye!

[Exit Match.]

13: Outside Ruth's therapy

Scene: Outside the therapy, The Alliance is walking outside.

• Pencil: Wait, who'd'ost again?
• Book: I heard that Announcer Speaker Box would host.
• Bubble: Not to boirst your bubble (don't kill me), but I'm confoised why a new shoyow would need a host.

Book: I heard that Announcer Speaker Box would host.

• Book: I don't know.
• Pencil: Great … where does'e live?
• Ruby: I know just the place.

14. On the steps of Old McNare station

Scene: Sundown. Due to this location not being specified by anybody, I can only assume it's an abandoned house. 'Cause that's where all the hosts live, innit?

• Book: Abandoned places freak me out!
• Pencil: Well, le's jus' see wot's inside an' see wot we can do 'bout'e.

[They see a sign on the porch.]

• Book: Pencil, you're the linguistics expert! Can you read it?
• Pencil: I can't. It mus' be h'in some foreign alien language!
• Bubble: Oilien?
• Ruby: Oh my gemstones, let's go inside and ask someone there!
• Pencil: I don' know. Looks quite creepy. [closeup of the house]

15. Passageway

Scene: The passageway of Old McNare station.

• Ruby: [confused] Why are we here?
• Announcer: [whose sound is coming out of speakers] Oh my gosh.

[They all scream.]

• Bubble: OMBB, it's the goy from the shoyow!
• Book: In the "reality television" section!
• Pencil: Who sings so wonderfully!
• Announcer: I am grateful for you all for praising my singing. But can't you read the sign?
• Book: No, sir! Not even our linguistics expert could decode what is on your sign!
• Announcer: Well, if you could read, then you could decode that "Anybody who enters this place will have their memory erased by 9.56213128736217818927108271 seconds."
• Book: Oddly specific.
• Announcer: Exactly. Now get out of my house, there's a new episode to make!
• Book: I like your jargon!
• Bubble & Ruby: What? (Pencil: Wot?)
• Book: Sorry. Only smart people can understand this.

[They literally get kicked out of the house. It is night.]

• Ruby: Let's go home!
• Pencil: Where to?
• Book: How about yours?

16. Pencil's house

Scene: Pencil, her family and her other friends are talking about something.

• Pencil: So … Match's birthday party.
• Ruby: OMG, it's soon!
• Book: Yes, it's in two days!
• Pencil: We 'ave to plan ahead 'fer we procrastinate!
• Book: Don't worry, this should be easy!
• Ruby: We'll even invite the whole world, but give Sword a special room!
• Nelson: Yeah!
• Needle: Go away, Nels! This is only for big girls!
• Nelson: That's why I'm here …
• Pencil: I'll get mum.
• Nelson: Bye!

[Exit Nelson.]

• Ruby: That was so mean! Why did you do that?
• Needle: Our brother has a tendency to spill secrets.
• Bubble: Is this roilly just for big goyrls?
• Pencil: Don' know.
• Estigua: Talvez quer ir para casa? É cada vez mais tarde.
• Bubble: Whoit?
• Pencil: "Maybe yee wanna go home now? It's a-gettin' late."
• Ruby: But it's only 9 o clock!
• Book: Oh! Because tomorrow is the Jamhuri Day parade!
• Ruby: Yes, I love the Jamhuri Day parade!
• Bubble: We're loiving now!
• Pencil: Bye!

[Exeunt Bubble, Ruby & Book.]

• Pencil: [to Needle] So …
• Needle: Bye!

[Exit Needle.]

• Pencil: Mum …
• Estigua: Adeus!

[Confused, Pencil gradually falls asleep at the table.]

Wednesday, December 12

1. Pencil's house

Scene: Pencil wakes up earlier than usual.

• Pencil: OMG, OMG, OMG, it's 'ere! [waking everyone else up in the process]
• Needle: Uh …
• Pencil: We all 'ave to wake up mum so we can go h'early!
• Nelson: What's so exciting about Jamhuri Day, anyway?
• Pencil: This might be the year when we see dad! [quieter] And the fact that we're basically h'a-celebratin' Kenya h'as a country due to our independence several years ago. [loudly] An' we miss school today!

[They all scream in excitement. Estigua wakes up.]

• Estigua: Todo o, cale-se!
• Pencil: Wait, ain't'ee h'excit'd?
• Estigua: Por quê?
• Nelson: [gasps] You mean you're not excited to see your husband?
• Needle: As in the one you haven't seen in ten years?
• Nelson: I want to meet him!
• Estigua: [sighs] Infelizmente, não vai ver o seu pai hoje.
• Nelson: What? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
• Needle: I thought the whole world wqas going!
• Estigua: [sadly] Ele ainda está lutando na guerra.

[They all are crying and hugging mum.]

• Nelson: Please, I just want to see him one time!
• Pencil: Can we?
• Estigua: Não, mas prometo que vai ser tão divertido!
• Needle: You're not the same as daaaaaaaaaaaad!
• Estigua: Bom, é isso! Agora vamos.

2. The car

Scene: Estigua is guiltily driving in her car, but takes a turn on purpose.

• Nelson: I think you took a turn!
• Estigua: Correto. Este é o local onde vamos ficar por algumas horas.
• Needle: But it's so crowded here!
• Estigua: É a praia; o que esperas?
• Pencil: The parade doesn't start 'til noon!
• Estigua: Há dez horas.

3. Mombasa

Scene: The beach is Nyali, at Mombasa, a coastal city that looks like Hawaii. Surprisingly, everyone in the whole world is there.

• Pencil: [waiting for a few minutes after Needle and Nelson run off to play] OMG, where are they?
• Match: Omg! Pencil, over, like, here!
• Pencil: [walking over to their alliance blanket] Comin'!

[She sees the rest of the alliance there.]

• Book: Hey!
• Pencil: 'Ey! So Match, where's yer mum?
• Match: They're over, like, there! [pointing to somewhere]
• Pencil: Wow! Me mum's o'er there with th' ol' people.
• Book: Old people?
• Pencil: But I think I has the bigges' question of all. An' this question is really, really, really, important.
• Match: [imitating Pencil's voice] "'Ow was therapy?"
• Ruby: "Dy'ee wanna go surfin'?"
• Book: "Wot kind o' machine is the Haitch-Pee-Haitch-Pee-Are-See-See? I need me homework done in an hour!"
• Bubble: "'Ow wills we foind the seats fer the paroide?"
• Pencil: No … an' yer accent imitationzin' o' me are terrible! I talks nothin' like'ee all did!
• Match: Umm …
• Bubble: Woill …
• Ruby: Ha-ha!
• Book: You kind of do.
• Pencil: Wotevs. But the biggest question I 'ave is … where's Pen?

[Everyone groans.]

• Match: He's doing some, like, lame surfing contest. Nothing out of the ordinary!
• Pencil: Wot? A physical challenge? WITHOUT ME!? I'm goin'-bye-see'hee-at-the-parade!

[She runs off to the surfing area.]

• Match: So … omg, I just made up this new game! Like, like, just now!
• All: I lost The Game.
• Match: No no no, not that, like game, this one's actually interesting! It's called Spongy Cake.
• Ruby: What's that?
• Match: It's just something I learned at the "Bat Mitzvah" my parents made me, like, go to.
• Bubble: Coyolio!
• Match: Ok. It goes like this. [hands] 1, 2, 3, 4, who do we not adore? Spongy! Spongy! 5, 6, 7, 8, who do we hate? Spongy! Spongy! 9, 10 and then 11—
• Book: Hold on, whose Bat Mitzvah was it?
• Match: Baby Spongy! [they all gasp]
• Book: That Spongy? Well, I see several flaws in that logic. First of all, he's not even Jewish!
• Match: I know, but, like, his parents are friends with my mum and dad, so, like, they "claim" to be Jewish, even though they've got, like, Christmas decorations all over their apartment.
• Book: Second of all, Spongy's only about one. You get your Bat Mitzvah when you're 12!
• Match: I know! [Aside] 2002, never forget.
• Book: Finally, if you have a Bat Mitzvah, you're a girl!
• Match: Like, totallyyyyyyyyyyy.
• Bubble: So woird!
• Ruby: I know, right?
• Match: I mean, like, he's so fat and hideous even when he's, like, one. He really would deserve, like, a billion B'nos Mitzvahs!

4. Surfing area

Scene: Pencil enters the surfing area and sees several people there, including Gelatin, Coiny, Firey, OJ and Paper.

• Coiny: Firey, I can surf better than you! At least I don't die before the wave comes!
• Firey: Grr! [slaps]
• Buoy: Ladies, ladies, calm down!
• Coiny: Why do you keep calling us ladies?
• Buoy: Well, there are no other ladies here. [sees Pencil impatiently standing there] Except for you, oh beautiful lady. How may I … a- help you?
• Pencil: Boy, y'bes' stop flirtin' with me!
• Buoy: Oh my lifesaver, she knows my name!
• Pencil: An' I'm 'ere ter ask'ee.
• Buoy: Go on …
• Pencil: You specifically says'ee encourage objec's of both genders to join this competition. Why see I h'only men 'ere?
• Buoy: Umm … well … sorry, I fluster when I'm in love.
• James-Félix: BUOY!! What are you doing? Swooning again?
• Pencil: Thet voice sounds familiar.
• Nelson: DAD!
• Pencil: No, Nelson. It's not our dad. 'E's jus' yer boss!
• James-Félix: Correct I am!

[Exit James-Félix.]

• Buoy: Umm … Pencil, can I talk to you?
• Pencil: I have to talk ter'ee first. … Is me boyfriend in there?
• Buoy: Oooooooooh … you have a boyfriend? In there?
• Pencil: Aye.
• Buoy: He's getting ready. Open the door, Heiyaoshi! [He opens the door]

5. Inside

Scene: Pen and Eraser are inside the tiki bar thingy.

• Pen: I'm going to win this!
• Eraser: I'm not participating in this.

[Enter Pencil. Noticing her, exit Eraser.]

• Pen: Hey, Penc!
• Pencil: You ne'er told me'hee'd be in a surfin' competition!
• Pen: Yeah, I couldn't communicate with you because of, like, this "Bat Mitzvah" I had to go to.
• Pencil: I wanna join this thing! Also, h'if we're doin' teams, can I be with'ee?
• Pen: Sure thing! Also, I have this elaborate cheating plan ahead of me that will totally mess with the judges' brains.
• Pencil: Wow, knarly much?

6. On the beach

Scene: The alliance is still talking.

• Match: So we were eating these, like, rugelach, and it was more like these rolls.
• Ruby: Woah!
• Match: And the worst part was, like, it was made of sponge.
• Book: Well, I'm sorry, but it's not my fault your parents' friends engage in intentional cannibalism.
• Match: Like, it doesn't get any weirder than that!
• Bubble: On another noite, how's the boyfroind?
• Match: What?
• Ruby: Your love Sword!
• Book: Didn't you have to curb your love for him at the therapist's?
• Match: Like, yeah. But I'm a lot better now!
• Ruby: That's good, because he's moving his things over there!

[They all stare at Sword and his acquaintance Bolt sitting next to them.]

• Match: That's cool! Like, I really don't care!
• Sword: So, my American friend, what do you say we do a little thing I call … suntan?
• Bolt: 'F course, wuddeva you want, man!
• Sword: Bro, y'serious?
• Bolt: Yeah! I'm gonna impress da young ladies [pointing to the alliance with my sleek tan!

[The girls laugh.]

• Bolt: What's so funny? Oh, hey there over. You're like a dictionary, you add da meaning to my life.
• Book: Wow, I'm flattered! And yes, I am. [They all revert to reading articles about Sub-Antarctic islands]
• Sword: [not looking] Don't talk to those. They're undesirables.
• Book: In thywt case, they are Undesirables. [tries to ignore them, but makes them check-it eyebrows to Book]

7. Getting ready for the surf competition

Scene: A line near the ocean. The contestants each have the same boards and are ready.

• Buoy: [testing a microphone] Testing! Testing one, two, four, five, six.
• Gelatin: You ready for this?
• Coiny: Only if Firey isn't!
• Firey: Only if Coiny is!
• Buoy: Dude. Duuuuude. DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE!
• Pencil: Okay, we got'e!
• Buoy: So! The first competitor is Coiny! He's soooooooo raaaaaad! Next is Firey, Gelatin, OJ and the team of Pen and Pencil.
• Coiny: I'm ready!

[He does good.]

• 1^st Judge: I give it a 10! That was so amazing!
• 2^nd Judge: 8. You really didn't do much, but it was still good to watch.
• 3^rd Judge: 1. I was bored.
• Buoy: Next up is Firey.

[He stays on, but then falls in the water and then he dies.]

• Coiny: Ha-ha!
• 1^st Judge: I've got to give you a 10 for effort.
• 2^nd Judge: 0. You didn't do much.
• 3^rd Judge: 0. You died.
• Buoy: After that failure, now is Gelatin's turn.

Author's Note

On Christmas Eve, ThisHomestuckMakesNoSense had an idea that

Idea: Blcoky basically pranks Gelatin by freezing him while doing the well read pose (BFDIA 4's Well-Read Gelatin pose), then Eraser puts him on top of a surfboard so it looks like he's surfing.

Here it is.

Back to the episode!

• Gelatin: Alright. I can do this!

[He poses as he does in 4 0119, when suddenly the gang of 8 (who have been contained during this time) start running towards Gelatin.]

• Gang of 8: ROAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!!!! [Eraser detatches himself from his brother and helps freeze Gelatin.]
• All: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! [They all run out of the beach and hide behind a giant bush that suddenly appeared from nothing.]
• Match: Omg!
• All: Shhhhhhhhhhhhh!
• Match: No, you don't, like, understand. They're so dumb they can't even find our voices!
• Opera Glasses: It's true! They are scowering this beach right now!

[The gang is looking for everyone else.]

8. Blocky's perspective

Scene: Blocky is talking to the screen.

• Blocky: [to the viewers] Hey, losers viewers. Do you know where everyone went? [oblivious to the fact that there is a talking bush behind him]
• 1^st Viewer: [whispering] Should we tell him?
• 2^nd Viewer: No, we shouldn't.
• 1^st Viewer: He's in the water!
• Blocky: Really? Thanks! Wait, I'm a bad guy. I don't say thanks!
• 2^nd Viewer: You stink!
• 1^st Viewer: Yeah!
• Flower: Blocky, go help us find all these! [still oblivious]

9. The bush

Scene: They are impatiently waiting behind the bush.

• Pencil: We have to find out wot time the parade is.
• Pen: It's at noon, right?
• Coiny: Yes.
• Apple: Hey, Clock, do you know what time it is?
• Clock: It's nearly 12:00. Can't you read time?
• Apple: No.
• Ruby: If it's almost noon, then we'll miss the parade!
• Book: Well, no. Those at the parade are most likely here!
• Bubble: True!
• Pencil: Let's all go to the parade early!
• All: Yeah!

[They march off, two by two, to Nairobi's Uhuru Park. It was an 83 day walk, but the masters of time decided to come walk with them and change the dating system entirely.]

10. Uhuru Park

Scene: Several of the flying objects have already made it to the parade area. The seats are mediocre bleachers, like those in the finale of II.

• Ruby: No fair! Diamond should have used her flying power!
• Diamond RS: Why didn't I think of that?
• Match: We, like, have a bigger problem! We've gone 83 days without any food or water or—
• Book: As an AP biology graduate, I can assure to you that there is no such thing as—
• Match: I don't … want … to … hear it … [faints, then wakes up as fresh as new] What just, like, happened? One minute I'm, like, dead and the other I'm so healthy!
• Ruby: Announcer powers! He does such amazing things!
• Pencil: 'E, like, erased our memory by several seconds yesterday!
• Book: 9.56213128736217818927108271 seconds!
• Pencil: We should probably find our seats.

[They find their seats. It is Estigua, Nelson, Needle, Book, Bubble, Ruby, Match, Pencil and Pen surrounded by other objects.]

11. Sword's bleacher

Scene: Sword is sitting next to his friends (Ceibo, Iron and Diamond), acquaintences and a harem of Argentinian girls.

• Kōsonju: Hello, Sword-san.
• Sword: Kaneecheewa.
• Kōsonju: It's こんにちは, and I really have a problem.
• Sword: Talk to papa.
• Kōsonju: What? Anyway, hey … Come on, you can this woman you love likes.
• Sword: How do you know I love her?
• Kōsonju: Her name is Match.
• Sword: Ohhhhhhhhh! I don't like her. Get and keep her, you brave man!
• Kōsonju: But she is still your favourite.
• Sword: I'm very sure she doesn't love me. You see, my friends and I took her to therapy, and it worked!
• Kōsonju: I have a question. Just in case, she you still like, do you imitate it you become of?
• Sword: Yes. As long as I'm not you, Cazondrio.
• Kōsonju: But what should I say?
• Sword: I don't know. Maybe "Will you marry me" should be a good choice.
• Kōsonju: I try right now! ウィール・ユー・メリー・ミー。
• Sword: Perfect. But maybe add in a Spanish accent.
• Kōsonju: "Will you marrrrrrrrry me?"
• Sword: We'll work on it. But we'd better hurry; the parade starts in fifteen minutes!

12. The alliance bleacher

Scene: They are talking, when Teleprompter goes up to them and looking.

• Teleprompter: [going up to Pen] You are Pen Schreiber, right?
• Pen: Yes.
• Teleprompter: I want a word with you. [about to drag Pen backstage]
• Pencil: No! Where are'ee takin'e?
• Teleprompter: Backstage! [Pencil screams in horror]
• Match: Have fun!

13. Backstage

Scene: Pen is being interviewed on live television. Principal Golf Ball is in the background watching him.

• Pen: Umm … why am I here? Did I do anything wrong?
• Teleprompter: No! We know your records and they all say you're a good kid. Now, I want you to do what I do. [He waves his hands like the parade wave. Pen follows]
• Pen: Why?
• Teleprompter: This is what you'll be doing!
• Pen: What!?
• Teleprompter: The Junior Diplomatic Representative of Canada to Kenya in the delegates' parade suddenly became sick, and you are his understudy.
• Pen: Oh. I may or may not've had something to do with that …
• Teleprompter: All you have to do is wave and do this [pose] or this [pose] or even this [pose].
• Pen: I don't understand!
• Teleprompter: You will eventually.
• Pen: Well upon my word it is an honour to represent a country that I haven't seen in two years serving for a country I'd rather feel patriotic to.
• Golf Ball: You must talk with extreme eloquence; that sarcasm will get you nowhere. And neither will ending a sentence with prepositions to! Now, Pen, Teleprompter. I now pronounce you man and w—
• Pen & Teleprompter: No!
• Teleprompter: So do you want to do it? Wait, why am I asking that? You have to! [news anchor like laugh]

[They release him.]

14. Between Sword's bleachers/alliance

Scene: Kōsonju has constructed a tin can telephone as Match has done before. It links Sword's bleachers to the alliance's.

• Kōsonju: You do you like it?
• Sword: I love it! [Aside to Ceibo, Iron and Diamond] Wow, the Japanese and their technology. [they laugh]
• Kōsonju: Alright I am ready.
• Sword: Not yet! Here's a suggestion. Ask marriage in Spanish. That way it will sound more natural!
• Kōsonju: How do I ask about marriage in Spanish?
• Sword: ¿Quieres casarte conmigo?
• Kōsonju: I have. [talking through the phone] キリス・カサッテ・クミコ？
• Sword: Wow! You actually sound like Dr. Ruth!
• Match: Like, where is that sound coming from?
• Kōsonju: キリス・カサッテ・クミコ？
• Ruby: Over here's a tin can!
• Match: [presses it] Come again?
• Kōsonju: Oh well, it's her! キリス・カサッテ・クミコ？
• Match: Omg, is that you Ruth?
• Kōsonju: Yes! [Aside.] I am Sword. I am not woman name Ruth.
• Sword: [to Kōsonju] Maybe you should say it slower.
• Match: Penc, can you, like, understand what he's saying?
• Pencil: Aye! [listening] It sounds like—
• Match: Omg, let me listen!
• Kōsonju: Kieresu-kasarute-konomigo?

[Match is getting a flashback.]

• • Ruth: Beware, for when I say "utekonom", the spell will be lifted forever, and can never be back again.
• Match: Omg, no! I understand what's, like, happening to me now!
• Pen: You're growing old, we know!
• Match: Not that! All because of Ruth's message with the word utekonom, I now feel an urge to love again … SWOOOOOOOOOOORD!!!
• Sword: [doesn't notice Kōsonju and the rest of the bleachers are shocked] Oh no, I hear the screaming. Brace yourself, Quisonjo.
• Kōsonju: What?

15. Sword's bleacher

Scene: Everyone from the original bleachers transferred themselves to the bleacher.

• Pencil: Give us a seat!
• All in the other bleacher: No!
• Match: Omg, hi, Sword!
• Sword: Oh, Dios.
• Match: I'm, like, trying to sit next to him!
• Ceibo: Ow!
• Sword: Sit next to him! [points to Kōsonju]
• Match: No! I'm, like, sitting between you two.
• Kōsonju: I feel …
• Diamond: Does a-that mean-a we have to sit-a half-a our size?
• Flaggy: [to Pen, who is sitting next to him] That's just insane! Is that a spell by Ruth? Some of those last for a long time, you know.
• Ruby: Oh my gemstones! You're the student hall manager!
• Flaggy: Correct I am!
• Match: [sitting next to Sword] So … I'm so, like, sorry I didn't get to see you get a sunt—
• Sword: Not listening …
• Pastor Aaron: Espada, ¿por qué es esta chica aquí?
• Sword: Nada, papá.
• Pencil: Wait, yer father is a pastor?
• Sword: Yes.
• Pencil: Match, 'e's a Christian!
• Match: What? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Please tell me this is, like, some kind of joke.
• Sword: It's true! I'm a Catholic!
• Match: If you're Catholic, and, like, I'm Jewish, we can't marry!
• Match & Sword: No!/Yes!
• Ruby: Can't you still date?
• Match & Sword: No!
• Teleprompter: [calling from a loudspeaker] Calling all who will be participating in the parade, please follow the exits backstage!
• Pen: I guess that means me.
• Ruby: And me!
• Book: And me!
• Bubble: And moyo!
• Pencil: An' me!
• Others in the bleachers: Y nosotros.
• Match: Wait, where are you all going?
• Pencil: Backstage!
• Bubble: You soigned up for oill the clubs, so you hoive to go!
• Match: What, and miss my time with Sword?

[Omnes exeunt.]

• Sword: Help me! I'm stuck with her! [tries to go backstage but Match stops him]
• Match: Like, you're with me the whole time!

16. Backstage

Scene: Most of the population is walking backstage to be part of all the clubs, including Book who is representing them all.

• Pencil: Book says things, 'xcept fer me who has to represent the K?
• Teleprompter: Yes. Also, role call! We have actually five minutes.
• Bubble: Ohmygoish, really?
• Teleprompter: Yes. Now when I call the club names, the representative will raise his or her hand. Ready? [they all nod] Alphabeting Club.
• Book: [with enthusiasm] Here!
• Teleprompter: Arabic Club!
• Book: هنا!
• Teleprompter: Attic Greek Culture Club!
• Book: Εδώ!
• Teleprompter: Anagram Club!
• Book: Eerh!
• Teleprompter: Ambigram Club!
• Book: Hereereh!

17. Sword's bleacher

Scene: Sword is sitting on the other edge of the seat whilst Match is gazing at him wistfully.

• Sword: Oh great, I'm alone with Match.
• Match: Can you, like, not get out?
• Sword: I will! [leaves the bleacher]
• Neon Jacket: Hold. Security.
• Sword: Can you just listen to me? I want to get away from that girl over there!
• Neon Jacket: You can't move seats.
• Sword: I'll pay you $700.
• Neon Jacket: [laughs] Hahahahahaahahahahah! That can buy you some milk. D'ja forget where you are? This is Kenya!
• Sword: No no no, in the peso. Trust me, they're worth a lot.
• Neon Jacket: Are you trying to bribe me?
• Sword: Well … no, I mean if you don't—
• Neon Jacket: Get in. [sees Match] May I help you?
• Match: Can I sit over there?
• Neon Jacket: You can't move seats.
• Match: I'll pay you 80,000 shillings.
• Neon Jacket: Show me. [She shows him the money.] Go in.
• Sword: How much did you pay?
• Match: 80,000. Shillings, like, of course.
• Sword: Why do you have so much money with you?
• Match: [proudly] Like, that's only 2% of what my daddy, like, makes every minute!
• Sword: [Aside.] Wow, she's rich! Wait, snap out of it, Sword. And stop thinking in English!

18. Backstage

Scene: The clubs are still being read out loud.

• Teleprompter: Aaaaaaaaand Zzyzx Roadrunners' Club!
• Book: [bored] Here.
• Teleprompter: Perfect! And you three, I know it's hard but, you have to run from each club float to another as the parade progresses.
• Book, Bubble & Ruby: Aww!
• Teleprompter: At least you'll get some exercise! [news anchor like laugh]
• Bubble: Poincil, you're so loicky! You only get to represoint 3 clubs!
• Pencil: Aye! The Kwanzajinawa, the Kenyan Students' Association an' the … the … er …
• Book: Well, we'd better hurry; the parade begins in a few minutes!
• Barrette: Sir, do you want this coffee to be delivered to your station?
• Teleprompter: Yes please! [she takes it] Now here's a good intern.

19. Sword's bleacher

Scene: Everyone from Sword and the alliance's crew go back to the bleachers, only to find in their horror that Sword and Match has switch places.

• Sword: Thank you everyone for saving me … from this … this lovesick hormone-addled fresa!
• Match: [to the alliance] Omg, my time with Sword was so fun! We were, like, alone!
• Sword: ¡Estaba solo con ella!
• Iron: Ah, horror!
• Sword: Sí, Ferrán. Es vero.
• Gelatin: Come sit with us!
• Sword: Okay. [gets up]
• Neon Jacket: Pay up. [Sword searches for money, but cannot find it]
• Sword: Hey, Match … umm … can you lend me a myriad?
• Match: [mishearing it as "million"] Sure, like, thing! [pulls out one thousand 1000 Ksh banknotes] Anything for you!
• Sword: Wow! That's a lot of money.
• Match: Of course! Like, who doesn't carry packs of a kilo with them?
• Pencil: Me!
• Book: Me!
• Bubble: Moyo!
• Ruby: Me!
• Pencil: Match'ee might wanna take a look at where 'e's sittin'. [She sees he is sitting at a full bleacher.]
• Match: No!
• Neon Jacket: Can't switch. The bleacher is full.
• Match: Can I, like, pay you?
• Neon Jacket: No, park rules.
• Pen: Ha!
• Match: Omg, will you just—
• Pencil: 'Ey! I got'e h'a seat! I'll sit 'twixt both o' you!

[The bleachers assemble, with the left bench being composed of mainly Argentinians and the right bench of Kenyans.]

• Left Bleacherers: Ar-gen-ti-na! Ar-gen-ti-na!
• Right Bleacherers: [unorganised] Ken-way-ay? Ken-ya! Keny-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay!? [The left bleacherers laugh.]
• Sword: We win!
• Book: You do realise you're here for the Jamhuri Day Parade, a Kenyan independence day?
• Pencil: Aye, so save yer patriotism to yerselves!
• Ruby: And wait until it's your independence day!
• Right Bleacherers: Yeah!
• Ceibo: Vosotros vengaremos el 9 de julio.
• Pen: Guys, I really think that we should just stop fighting and just cooperate and talk about our differences in a w—
• All: NO!

[At the same time, the parade starts.]

• Teleprompter: Ladies and gentlemen, mabibi na mabwana, I now present to you, the citizens of our Republic of Kenya, the 44^th Annual Jamhuri Day Parade! [Everyone cheers as a helicopter broadcasting to the TV hovers over them.] Please stand, and feel free to sing along for the National Anthem!

O God of all creation
Bless this our land and nation
Justice be our shield and defender
May we dwell in unity
Peace and liberty
Plenty be found within our borders.
Let one and all arise
With hearts both strong and true
Service be our earnest endeavour
And our homeland of Kenya
Heritage of splendour
Firm may we stand to defend
Let all with one accord
In common bond united
Build this our nation together
And the glory of Kenya
The fruit of our labour
Fill every heart with thanksgiving.

• Teleprompter: And now … [reads the script] Oh, never mind. Please wait for a few minutes as you hear a few patriotic tunes by the Mombasa Symphony Orchestra! [Many songs are being played.]
• Pencil: We can't move now! [refering to the crowd of people in front of them]
• Teleprompter: Also, everyone in the clubs, come backstage.
• Pencil: [to Match] Don't move! We're leavin' to backstage!

[Omnes exeunt.]

20. Backstage

Scene: The members of such early clubs such as Alphabeting Club, Arabic Cultures Club etc. have gathered around the floats.

• Teleprompter: Places people, not a single minute shall be wasted.
• Book: Bye, Pencil!
• Pencil: See ye h'around the K's!
• Ruby: Have fun!

21. Alphabeting Club float

Scene: Book, Bubble and Ruby rush their ways to the Alphabeting Club, where its float is about to go out. The other members of the club are fixed into positions.

• Book: Excuse me, but what's that? [points to the letters B, B and R]
• B: Oh! Those are your costumes! Don't you know that all the clubs have us in costumes?
• Bubble: Coistumes?
• B: D'uh! That's all of it!
• Ruby: I love them! [literally jumps into them]
• Book & Bubble: Okay!
• Book: Umm … how do you get out of these?
• B: You just stand there, wait for the parade to end—
• Book: Wait for the parade to end? But we're also members of the club after you!
• Ruby: And the club after that …
• Bubble: And the club after thoit …
• Book: And the club after—
• B: Sorry, but there's no other way out.
• Book, Bubble & Ruby: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

[Enter Teleprompter.]

• Teleprompter: What's all the noise?
• Ruby: We can't get out of these!
• Teleprompter: Yes you can! By saying the magic word.
• Ruby: Please?
• Teleprompter: No.
• Bubble: Lotion.
• Teleprompter: No.
• Book: We give up!
• Teleprompter: It's the magic word. The magic word is the magic word!
• Book: In that case, it should have been in quotation marks in all these instances!
• Teleprompter: Oy vey, a paradox. But the parade will start in … [loud mode] 20—

22. Outside

Scene: A counter is on a large screen awaiting the parade's arrival.

• All: 19! 18! 17! 16! 15! 14! 13! 12! 11! 10! 9! 8! 7! 6! 5! 3! 2! 1! [cheering]
• Teleprompter: Are you ready Kenya?
• All: YEAH!
• Teleprompter: I said are you ready Kenya!?
• All: YEAH!!!!!
• Teleprompter: I can't heeeeeear you!
• Golf Ball: After five exclamation points, it's just an informal disaster!

[Everyone complains.]

• Teleprompter: [in his narrator voice] Once upon a time, 44 years actually today, the Republic of Kenya was created! Thus, our schools grew with foreigners and we all united to create a happy school, and here they are, our clubs!

[The Alphabeting Club float exits with Book, Bubble and Ruby.]

• Book: [making a speech] Hey, everyone. I'm Book, in case you haven't notice, and I'll be making the speeches for the majority of these clubs. Now, I have to say in my time at the Alphabeting Club—
• Ruby: It was 20 minutes—
• Book: Shh! Anyway, when I was there, I learned several important things … such as learning how to sort things in alphabetical order! In many languages! (The magic word.) [everyone cheers but they dread the idea of a long speech for every club]
• Teleprompter: Now when you hear the bell, the parade floats will move and these three lucky ladies get to run to the next club float! [The bell rings. They run to the Arabic Cultures Club.]
• Fatima: There you are!
• Book: At the time when I was in the Arabic Cultures Cl— [bell rings and they run]

[A few hours later.]

• Pencil: [saying her speech for the Kwanzajinawa extremely quick] As a long time soprano of Gilber' an' Sullivan productions all around Kenya, h'I 'ave to s— [bell rings and they run]

[A few hours after that.]

• Book: [saying her speech clearly tired] Now … as you know about roadrunning … this road in California, USA called … Zzyz—

[The bell rings for the last time. It is silence up there, and gradually within the audience. Then, Teleprompter wakes up.]

• Teleprompter: [yawning] Iss tiiiime awreadddyyyy? [normal] Let's give it up for all those who participated in these wonderful clubs in our wonderful educational system! [They all clap.]

23. Bleachers

Scene: Now more crowded than ever, Book and her friends walk fatigued to their bleachers in the front. The people there throw flowers at her in gratitude: tulips, roses, poison nightshades and chrysanthemums.

• Pencil: You dids great, Book! I can't believe'ee didn't memorise'e!
• Book: Me too!
• Teleprompter: Alright, everybody! If you loved part 1, stick around and stay in your seats as we prepare ourselves for part 2 of this wonderous parade day!

[Several minutes later.]

• Teleprompter: Calling all members of the Kwanzajinawa Opera Company! Cast, staff and auxiliaries!
• Pencil: [calling out] It's more like a school production!
• Teleprompter: Just come down immediately.
• Match: Omg, what do they want with, like, us?
• Pencil: Dunno.
• Match: Well, whatever happens, I'm making sure Sword comes with me!
• Sword: Um, no.
• Match: Omg, he's not com—
• Ruby: Just go with us!

[Exeunt members of the company.]

24. Backstage

Scene: Teleprompter is anxiously waiting for all of them. They all enter at various times.

• Teleprompter: Thank the heavens you're all here. We have four minutes until part 2 begins!
• Pencil: Why are we 'ere?
• Teleprompter: Well, the international delegates couldn't make it here.
• Pen: Aww, so I can't make a speech?
• Teleprompter: Of course you can … not. But you have more to say … or at least, sing.
• Mrs. Chembe: What do you mean? As the director of here, I have to know.
• Teleprompter: Since you are already working on a theatrical production, and are the only ones in the whole country, we need something to replace the original part 2.
• Mrs. Chembe: Then it is! Everyone, we're doing a PCP!
• Ruby: What's th—
• Mrs. Chembe: The Presidential Command Performance!
• Pen: The President isn't here!
• Pencil: Neither's the Prime Minister.
• Mrs. Chembe: What?
• Match: Like, on the news they said, like, the leaders of this country went into space.
• Mrs. Chembe: Why?
• Book: Apparently they were so embarrassed by last years' Jamhuri Day parade they just left the planet!
• Mrs. Chembe: Wow. That's sad.
• Match: Oh yeah! I was there!
• Bubble: The Kerguelen Foilk Band were throwing roicks at us! I doied nearly a thoisand times!
• Pen: Well, you know …

[Enter Teleprompter.]

• Teleprompter: Oksijeni?
• Mrs. Chembe: Here.
• Teleprompter: I was taking attendance of the empty bleachers, and it turns out that one of our principal actors is missing!

[A shadow in the shape of Eraser mysteriously vanishes.]

• Match: Omg! I've lost, like, my husband! Wait a second … you need backups, eh?
• Teleprompter: Yes we do.
• OJ: Maybe I can be him! After all, I am the understudy for the Duke of P—
• Match: Like, no. We need a real man. Pick Sword! I'm missing, like, him!
• Pencil: Pick Sword! So Match can be happy!
• Pen: Pick Sword! So I can judge how he sings!
• Bubble: Pick Swoird! So I can—
• Teleprompter: [on a megaphone] Sword, please go backstage immediately.

25. Sword's bleacher

Scene: Sword is acting quite befuzzled.

• Sword: Did they just call my name?
• Bolt: Bro. They just did. Were ya listening?
• Sword: I'm coming! [Ceibo et al. make noises that immature boys would do.]

26. Backstage

Scene: Sword enters in a hurry.

• Match: Omg, Sword! You're, like, here! [She embaces him. He breaks off from her.]
• Sword: Why'd you want me here?
• Teleprompter: Because everyone else wanted you.
• Sword: No, really.
• Mrs. Chembe: Dear, do you like musical theatre?
• Sword: Why yes! I am a fan!
• Fan: So am I! I am a fan!
• Match: Omg, I love musical theatre too!
• Pen: You do? I thought Pencil made you go last year, y'know, since you hate—
• Match: Stop talking!
• Mrs. Chembe: If you're such a fan, you obviously must know about The Gondoliers, no?
• Sword: Yes! In fact, I was in a Spanish production once!
• All: Hooray!
• Sword: So which part am I playing? I know them all.
• Match: Wow, totes geli!
• Mrs. Chembe: Umm … due to Eraser's absence, you're playing Giuseppe.
• Sword: Cool! Then, who's Tessa?
• Match: I am! Isn't that, like, the most amazing thing ever?
• Sword: But but but but but but …
• Mrs. Chembe: Get in costume, everybody!

[Everyone does so excitedly, except for Sword.]

• Sword: What the heck? This is too big!
• Mrs. Chembe: Blame Eraser.
• Teleprompter: Show starts in [megaphone mode] 10! 9! 8! 7! 6! 5! 4! 3! 2! 1! [cheering]
• Bubble: Wow, you can roilly hear the oidience from here.
• Ruby: Under the sound of rolling wheels!
• Teleprompter: [in his deep science-fiction-movie-opening-credits-type voice] Two score and two times two years ago, the United Kingdom has freed us from further colonisation! They spread their culture upon us, although many parts of it survive today, including our Kwanzajinawa Production of W. S. Gill-bert and Arthur S-ulip-van's The Gondoliers! [Overture begins. Pencil peeks her head outside of the curtains, and sees everybody.]
• Pencil: Ah!
• Match: [who is adjusting Sword] Sigh, what is it?
• Pencil: Wanna take a look? [She peeks her head out and sees the entire audience.]
• Match: Ah! Omg, I've never performed in front of a million people before!
• Book: Actually, it's 999,937 peop—
• Match: Omg, shut up, Book! Okay, that was mean. Omg, shut up, Tori!
• Book: Good for you, Tess! [The overture ends]
• Mrs. Chembe: Places, people! [The girls take their places at the front of the stage and the guys hide backstage. Coiny, Firey, Leafy, their daughter, Zanthosis and Needle begin to sleep.] Aaaaaaaand we begin …

[The curtain rises, revealing 24 of the chorus members, including all of the alliance.]

Chorus

♫ List and learn;
List and learn …
List and learn, ye dainty roses, roses white and roses red!

[About two hours later.]

With feelings of pleasure,
With feelings of pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-aaaaaaaaaaaaa-suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure! ♫

[Bows.]

• Teleprompter: That was really good. Now wait for part 3!

27. Bleachers

Scene: The alliance is walking back to their seats in a different direction than Sword.

• Match: Omg, Sword is such an awesome, like, singer!
• Pencil: Well, 'is 'armonies with Pen wasn' as good as I thought.
• Book: That's because he was pretending to be with has a Spanish accent, and Pen was faux-British. Nevertheless we all had a "crush" on Sword.
• Match: Like, half of us girls did!

[They sit down.]

• Book: So, what do we have next?
• Ruby: Uh … the American War Club with Kelley.
• Pen: 'Cause he's American, 'eh?
• Match: Yeah, but all of the clubs have already passed.
• Book: And there is no such thing as the American War Club.
• Pencil: Thet's true. H'accordin' to the rule books, "war'll not be tolerat'd on campus".
• Bubble: So boisically they're soying that war is not allowed?
• Ruby: Curse this handbook for not allowing war! [drops it on the ground]
• Pen: What? I read that book like the Torah. [Match laughs out loud.]
• Book: Anyways … living in Kenya for three years, every year something special comes at the end of these festivals!
• Pencil: Aye, usually. Remember las' year? The Kergue—
• Bubble: Don't toilk about it!
• Match: I wonder, like, what it's gonna be, like, this year!
• Pen: Well, let's wait.

[They wait.]

• Match: Omg, waiting is, like, soooooooooo boring!
• Teleprompter: [megaphone mode] And now … the moment that you've all been waiting for! The 2007 Jamhuri Day Parade's most super duper special part iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis …

28. Triángolo's Bleacher

Scene: Meanwhile, Estigua and Nelson are sitting on their bleacher with the "old people".

• James-Félix: Hey my child, is there any room for Big Daddy?
• Nelson: Dad!
• Mama Spongy: Excuse me, but I don't think you should call yourself that; we all think you're a—
• Estigua: [not looking] Chegas em casa?
• James-Félix: I don't speak Spanish! [Estigua is disappointed it isn't her husband.]
• Nelson: Let me guess … Grandfather Triangle?
• James-Félix: Correct you are!
• Nelson: Yay! Can't wait!

29. Main bleachers

Scene: Everyone is impatiently waiting for the third part of the parade.

• Teleprompter: … sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss …
• Pen: Is he really going to keep saying the S?
• Golf Ball: Just get on with it!
• Teleprompter: The entrance of the object show hosts!
• Match: Object?
• Pencil: Show?
• Bubble: Hoists?
• Teleprompter: That's right! The object show hosts are coming this way in several seconds!
• Ruby: I've never heard of an object show before!
• Bubble: So indie!
• Match: So avant-garde!
• Book: So experimental!
• Teleprompter: And now we begin our parade with these hosts … NES, LP and Flagy!
• Pencil: Omg, is thet Mr. P?
• Match: I, like, think so. It is, like, our Sociology professor!
• Ruby: [calling out] Hey, Mr. P—
• Book: —ointer …
• Pen: I thought it was pronounced "Pwoanter".
• Book: It's Poiuytre.
• Pencil: Aye, I fergot'e!
• Laser Pointer: So basically, my speech is going to show you, not tell you, what this new show will be …

[A few minutes later after the hosts of several object shows walk by.]

• Teleprompter: Coming up next is Window!
• Window: Hey, everyone! I'd want to make a speech, but I'd rather not say it in front of all these plebs!
• Match: Omg, so true! I'm, like, surrounded by them, no offence.
• Teleprompter: Next is the new MePhone 4!
• MePhone 4: Hello, everyone. I'm finally being released as soon as tomorrow!
• Match: Omg! He's, like, out! I thought it was June when it would happen!
• Pencil: 'Ow'd'ee know 'twas June?
• Match: Well, like …
• MePhone 4: I will be hosting this new show called Inanimate Insanity … and then …
• Match: I am so, like, getting a new MePhone 4 for my birthday tomorrow.
• Pen: What if we get you a MePhone 3? Not saying that we did, but …
• Match: I will, with Eraser, like, go into your room and try to—
• Pen: MePhone 4 it is! [Everyone applauds at the end of MePhone's speech.]
• Teleprompter: Last, but certainly not least, we have the Announcer!

[All cheer as the Announcer steps onto a stool.]

• Announcer: Hello objects from all around the world. I am here to tell you about a potential opportunity that will be causative to the explosions of your inner minds, never bearing the fact that objects of your kind have not any type of cerebral … [Several hours pass, and everyone is sleeping.] In that case, finally, those are the reasons why you should be allowed to join our company, in the wake of the time for the Battle for Dream Island. [Silence. Everyone is sleeping, but then they suddenly wake up when the Announcer is not talking, therefore they applaud.]
• Teleprompter: Then let's give a round of applause for all our wonderful cultural artefacts of Kenyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! [they all clap]

30. Backstage

Scene: After the parade. The alliance is in a group.

• Pencil: Ruby, dz'ee thinks the parade was be'er than las' year?
• Ruby: I totally did.
• Book: That's only because our object minds are used to thinking things are better than the years before!
• Ruby: But I hated, like, advocating for the Cheering Club!
• Pencil: Aww, why?
• Ruby: Well, cheerleaders have a reputation for, like, being … uh … mean?
• Match: Omg, that's like a stereotype! Cheerleaders like us are never, like, mean. [sees Pen, bored] Get lost, you're, like, not a girl!
• Pencil: No, let'e stay. [He stays] Good boy …
• Ruby: But really, I don't like Cheer Club because … [blushing] I showed my underwear SO many times!
• Match: So your, like, vir[censored]ously. m'nee time.

[Enter Suitcase with a normal skirt on but in her cheerleading attire.]

• Suitcase: Well at least you got better at it!
• Match: Omg, you're, like, a baaaaaby cheerleader, so you can't, like, be here!
• Suitcase: Match, that was completely mean!
• Pencil: I h'agree with Suitcase, an' they're Junior cheerleadin '!
• Ruby: It's true, but … [looks at Suitcase] SC, why didn't you wear your normal shirt on?
• Suitcase: I, um … [blushes]

31. Bleachers

Scene: Sword is yelling backstage.

• Sword: If you want an autógrafo from me, come here now! ¡Argentinos son prioridad!
• Pencil: OMG, racist!
• Match: I'm, like, going over!

[Several people, mainly those from Argentina, are there to get Sword's autograph.]

• Sword: Gratis [to Ceibo], gratis [to Iron], gratis [to Diamond] …
• Match: [standing in line] Omg, can you, like, stand in front of me? I'm, like, sort of kind of scared.
• Pencil: Okay … ?
• Match: You too, Ruby!
• Ruby: Cool!
• Match: Bubble?
• Bubble: Yoylecake!
• Match: Book. [She goes in front of her.]
• Sword: Gratis [to Hamburgery], gratis [to Erythrina], 2000 shillings [to Pencil].
• Pencil: Wot bruv, u wan' me to pay 2000 shillins fer jus' a h'autograph o' hee?
• Sword: Can't you read the sign? [points to a sign saying "Free" for Argentinians and "Ksh 2000" for foreigners] And just ask a rich person to give you money!
• Pencil: Match, there's four of us, so we need 8000 shillins.
• Match: Here! [hands it over without any qualms]
• Sword: Gracias, gracias, gracias, gracias. 40 thousand shillings. [to Match]
• Match: [shocked] 40 thousand shillings? Here. But, like, why 40 thousand? I'd give you 500 thousand if I could!
• Sword: Then give it! [She gives him 540 thousand shillings] And to answer your question, there's a 92% discount for people I like.
• Match: Aww, that's so nice!
• Book: [Aside.] Like she knows what discount means.
• Match: Bye! [kisses him. He wipes it off]
• Sword: Next!

[A few hours later.]

• Sword: Attention, ladies and gentlemen! Today, or in fact tonight, I will be moving back to Argentina! [everyone makes noises]
• Match: What!? Like, why?
• Sword: Ummm … [trying to think of an excuse] The BFDI-mania in Argentina has just ended, and it's finally safe to return!
• Pen: Isn't nobody in Argentina right no—
• Sword: Shh! Well-adios-I'd-better-go!

[Exit Sword with his entourage.]

• Pencil: So … d'zee wan' to go to me mum's car?
• Book: Yes!
• Bubble: Yoy!
• Ruby: Why not?
• Pencil: How 'bout'ee, Match? [She sees her mouth hung agape in horror.] Match?
• Ruby: Whatever, we'll just leave her.
• Pencil: I see no prob's with thet! [about to go] Oh! An' Pen, are you drivin' in yer car?
• Pen: Yeah, sorry.
• Pencil: Maybe I can come with'ee!
• Pen: Yes!
• Pencil: Bye, everyone!
• Book: Wait! But to whom are we going to address our requests to Esti?
• Pencil: [walking away] I dunno, Nelson or Needy [slaps] or somethin'. I'm takin' a ride with the boy!

[Exit Pencil and Pen.]

32. Estigua's car

Scene: Camera cuts to the car, with Estigua driving and Nelson in the front. Needle, Book, Ruby, Bubble and Match are in the back.

• Estigua: Oih … Onde está Penélope?
• Needle: [translating] "Where's Pencil?"
• Ruby: She went with Pen to his car!
• Nelson: [groans] A-gain?
• Estigua: Além disso, por que Maïa parecido com isso?
• Needle: "Why does Match look like that?"
• Bubble: She's upsoit her loiver has to goi awoy.
• Book: To Argentina!
• Ruby: Like, forever!
• Estigua: Oh. [suddenly goes quiet]

[Process of dropping the alliance back to their houses.]

33. Match's room

Scene: Nearly midnight. Match is mixed reactions considering her birthday is tomorrow, but her boy has to go.

• Match: Omg, why does he have to go? [weeps] I'm, like, totally ruined by the curse of brothers! [weeps] One of whom I, like, don't love anymore! [weeps] Wait … [gets angry] I will stop this migration!

[She sneaks out of the house, runs out to the freeway and sprints to the airport.]

34. Jomo Kenyatta International Airport

Scene: A crowded airport, as everyone is going back to their home countries. Match looks around for Sword, then gives up to the person at the desk.

• Match: I'd like, like, like, one ticket to Aenos Buaires, and make it one, like, way!
• Laser Pointer: [not looking] Okay, that will mean about 100 thousand shillings and a stop in Amsterdam. And don't you mean "Buenos Aires"; I can tell you're not from there. Visiting a boyfriend or something?
• Match: Yes … but, like, I'm one of your Sociology students, period 4? I'm Match, the one you'd rather see with tape over her mouth?
• Laser Pointer: Right. The one who called me Phojntre.
• Match: I think that's my plane.
• Laser Pointer: Go and be free, little bird! [She runs in. Aside to Globe Outline.] How long should we tell her that's the plane to Auckland, almost halfway around the world?
• Globe Outline: Give her time. The ones who say "like" a lot are, like totally the dumb ones.

A Plea to All Editors

It's that time of whenever again! The time to recall the rules I posted in the first week. I can understand that if you have a cell phone that's extremely slow; it's quite hard to see those photographs. But here is one of the rules I see getting violated most of the time.

"You may edit this page …"

I would like to honour those who have edited my page before: DTSFactory, Kidsy128, NLG343, Infinityblade2005,NLG343, Nadiya2000, ThisHomestuckMakesNoSense,NLG343, Nin10Boy6464 and the one who recommended a cat. Oh, did I forget NLG343? Anyways, we have to continue.

"However, all edits will be reviewed by me, and I will either let it go or revert it."

I have let so many things go on here before, but then there was the straw that broke the llama's back. After editing a portion of day 12, someone decided to add a supplemental character named James-Felix. This was going against my plans, but what made it worse was that he was supposed to be Pencil's father. I have been writing fanfics based on Pencil's life since 2012, and never have I heard of "James-Felix" before, let alone set him as the Tri children's father. Constantly had he been putting him into plotlines and the like, but that has actually made my writing experience much more difficult. (Where am I gonna put James-Felix now as a total stranger?)

Then it happened. Approximately an hour ago, the last edit for December 12 was edited, and its content included a scene with James-Felix, Triangle and Estigua speaking English. What I found for the description was:

"Don't vandalize. James-Felix is made to be the dad of Pencil!"

I was accused of vandalizing my own page.

James-Felix was not made to be the dad of Pencil. It's not even canon. This brings us to rule #2.

"You can also make parodies!"

This isn't limited to Infinityblade2005, despite the tiny text, but to anyone else! If you'd like James-Felix as the father of Pencil et al in your fanfiction, by all means do it! Make a page called "The Life and Soul of Kenya/Goiky/IC 418", I don't care! Make all the characters American! Have PencilxPaper, xMrs. Chembe, xMatch as your OTP! Who's going to stop you? Isn't this what the Object Shows Fanfiction Wiki is about? We are not a nature documentary on horses, but the bored high schooler's scribbles of unicorns or a collection of classical myths. In light of the collaborations, make your own page. Please don't edit my page just to add someone whom I'll never have thought of again. I wouldn't go to your house and randomly start painting the walls just because it looks prettier.

I've seen that many fanfics on the wiki are protected, meaning nobody but you can edit it. This is not what I want the fate of my pages to be, but it may have this problem continues to arise once more.

I really hope I didn't come off as crass, abrupt or just plain offensive, but I really don't want to delete my account just because of one mis-edit. Have a nice day!