This is where episodes 13-15 of the Before BFDI series are, due to page space.
|Before BFDI, a series by Yterbium1|
| Plot Synopsis (read this first!)|
December 1 • 2 • 3 • 4 • 5 • 6 • 7 • 8 • 9 • 10 • 11 • 12 • 13 • 14 • 15 • 16 • 17 • 18 • 19 • 20 • 21 • 22 • 23 • 24 • 25 • 26 • 27 • 28 • 29 • 30 • 31 • January 1 and after
Characters • Misc • Music • FAQ
1 Red ones are coming sooner or later to a website near you. Most likely later.
Thursday, December 13
1. Sword's room
Scene: 1:29. Match is in Sword's room in his house all the way in Buenos Aires.
- Match: It finally took, like, three supersonic planes to get here, but, like— Omg, is this his— and, like, I found some picture of a— this is soooooo like amazing! I feel so bad, though, that he's trapped in this dump of a home!
- Sword: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
- Match: Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!
- Sword: What are you doing in here? Don't you know this is my house?
- Match: Yes! I'm trying to get you, like, free!
- Sword: But but but … how did you get in without my parents knowing?
- Match: Like, I told them I was a plumber from America coming to fix your room.
- Sword: That's messed up!
- Match: Aren't you, like, going to say something?
- Sword: What?
- Match: It's, like, my birthday!
- Sword: Oh yeah. Happy birthday!
- Match: Where's my gift?
- Sword: Here it is! [shows her a fake plane ticket] A one-way ticket to Nairobi!
- Match: What? But it's fake. Ugh, you remind me of my brother!
- Sword: Just get out.
Scene: 7:30. Around the same time, due to time zone difference of six hours. Pencil and her friends are sitting, waiting for the announcements for the day.
- Mrs. Chembe: Students, I have a question. Where is Match today?
- Pencil: She's been awfully quiet, ne'er h'answerin' me texts.
- Pen: Well I found a note next to her bed!
- Pencil: Wot'd'e say?
- Pen: I don't know, I just threw it out. It's not like she needed it.
- Pencil: Dude, yer so bad! I love'e!
- Book: Oh, but what if it belongs to Match?
- Pen: I'm sorry, but I had to do it! I have two lives, y'know. Football and sch—
- Mrs. Chembe: Now we just have to wait. Hopefully. [The announcements come on.]
- Golf Ball: [blandly] Announcements for the day, my students: the co-educational requests for the Winter Ball is now open. It will be held on Friday, December 21st. Bring a guy, girl or Paintbrush to the Ball and have the time of your life. [puts down the microphone wrongly] Finally, that's over. I can't stand talking to those loonybags! Aaaaaaaaaaaaand I'm still goi— AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! [has her younger secretary put down the microphone correctly]
- Pencil: OMG! I know who I'm askin'! [to Pen, who's talking to other people]
- Pen: I have to tell Pencil the news about everything.
- Yarn Ball: You can't go to the Ball?
- Pen: No, I can't ask her today … Of course I can go to the Ball, I have enough money! [sees Pencil talking to Mrs. Chembe] Oh no, she's coming!
- Mrs. Chembe: And now for our class's first proposal!
- Pencil: [kneeling] Pen Schreiber, I've known'ee fer, like, two years an' those years 'ah been the happies' o' me life. So h'as me boyfriend, will'ee go to the Winter Ba— [The bell rings. Everyone leaves] Well?
- Pen: Sorry, talk to you later? [hurries out of class]
Scene: 10:30. Aristotelis is filing papers as he is watching the news.
- Helmet: Scientists have said that days after festivals are usually joyful, happy times! They have also told the public that yesterday was probably the most packed Jamh— [possessed with those eyes] WORSHIP BFDI AS YOUR—
- Aristotelis: [turning off the TV] Ah! What was that? Why was Helmet suddenly going off topic on national television?
[Enter Mili and Man, Aristotelis's oldest subordinates. They look at him, enraged as if possessed by the eyes.]
- Man: What have you done to us!?
- Aristotelis: I don't understand.
- Mili: BFDI is ruined because of you!
- Aristotelis: If you think you can barge into my office like that, you're … uh, fired!
[Enter Less Than Sign]
- Less Than Sign: Hold!
- Aristotelis: What now?
- Less Than Sign: Just listen, sir. I know what's going on! According to a hypothesis by Test Tube, the whole city's going mad.
- Aristotelis: Tell me why.
- Less Than Sign: Well, sir, an unknown force has penetrated into Earth forcing all of us objects to be brainwashed into worshipping BFDI.
- Aristotelis: What?
- Less Than Sign: You heard me, sir. They're targeting the oldest people right now! At 10:20, the centenarians are affected, 10:30, the old people like Helmet, Mili and Man are affected [several minutes later, and an angry crowd has gathered Aristotelis] 11:42 half of the population suddenly gets possessed, five minutes before noon all the schoolchildren are affected by BFDI and who knows what will happen at twelve due to our society essentially collapsing from the BFDI forces. I'm sorry, sir, if I have bored you, sir.
- Aristotelis: I'm not bored. In fact, I'd rather take action!
- Less Than Sign: And now for a maths problem. [Aristotelis groans] Because I am 59 years old, how long will it take me to get possessed?
- Aristotelis: Uhhhhhhh … 11:01?
- Less Than Sign: Correct. Now check the clock.
- Aristotelis: It's 11.
- Less Than Sign: Goodbye! [LTS waves goodbye poignantly, but does not walk away. Then she becomes possessed.] BZZZT! BZZZT! BFDI can save you 15% or more on life insurance! In 15 minutes, sir! 15 … MINUTES!
- Aristotelis: Oh no! It's going to be 15 minutes before I get possessed! [gets carried by the angry mob]
- Crowd of workers > 59: You're fired! You're fired! You're fired!
- Aristotelis: Hey, hey, you can't fire me; I'm your boss!
- Crowd of workers > 58: We don't care, you just hate BFDI! BFDI is love, BFDI is life!
- Aristotelis: What does that even mean?
- Crowd of workers > 57: You're fired!
- Man: Now we have to find a way to throw you overboard!
- Crowd of workers > 56: Yeah!
- Less Than Sign: This will hurt a bit, sir!
- Crowd of workers > 55: Yeah!
- Aristotelis: Woah, this is weird. Every second feels like a minute! [The crowd moves, and Aristotelis is possessed but nobody cares] Yes, yes, yes! Θα πρέπει όλοι να αγαπούν BFDI! Throw me out the window! Praise BFDIiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii! [gets thrown out]
Scene: After the suspenseful scene, it is lunch at school. Ruby, Bubble and Book are talking about what happened, while Pencil is crying with her head on the table.
- Ruby: Do you know what just happened?
- Bubble: Yeah! All the oild profs are boiing possessed by BFD-oi!
- Ruby: One minute Mr. Salacia's babbling about Trans-Neptunian Objects, and then he's screaming BFDI in our faces!
- Bubble: Moy professors didn't do that to me!
- Book: I think it is correlated by age!
- School Paper: Extra, extra, read all about it! [hands out printed blog]
- Ruby: Huh, what's this?
- Book: [reading] "World gone mad", all in capital letters, eh? Well, let's see what's in it! "As the world's youngest newspaper writer, editor and professional journalist, it is highly doubted that any of these facts are true. [some time later] By now, almost half of the world's population has slowly gone insane by being possessed by the enemy's BFDI machine."
- Ruby: What? That's ridiculous!
- Book: It gets creepier. "As a result, the majority of society has fallen to the virus, including the CEO of Oggezsco, Aristotelis Schreiber's unprecedented dismissal."
- Bubble: What's so croipy about that?
- Book: Remember when SP gave us that paper? [They nod.] The number at the bottom said 43. Also-Match's-dad-just-got-fired-from-nearly-the-best-position-in-the-country-and …
- Ruby: As in?
- Book: "Right now, people of the age of 43 are being converted to BFDI."
- Bubble: So?
- Book: "People of the age of 39 are being converted to BFDI." Wait, I think it just changed into 38.
- Ruby: Ha, it's not my fault you read slow!
- Bubble: Woit! That's my parents' ages!
- Book: I think all of our parents fall under that range.
- Ruby: And all the other people we know and love: Caldera, Mr. Cove, Mrs. Chembe—
- Book, Ruby & Bubble: Mrs. Chembe!?
- Book: We have to go!
- Ruby: No. Who knows what kind of BFDI-related shenanigans she's up to!
- Bubble: Just run up there and doiwn again!
[They run up to Mrs. Chembe's classroom, peeping behind closed doors.]
- Book: She is a monster! [Mrs. Chembe is painting "BFDI RULES" on the walls with red paint.] She did not kern the D and the I correctly!
- Ruby: Come on, we have to go down, quickly! [They run back down, and Book looks at the newspaper.]
- Book: It is 23 now.
- Ruby: [gasps] The age of Test Tube, our last scientist!
- Book: Noooooooooooooooooo!
- Bubble: Hoy, how oild is the yoingest pro joirnalist?
- Book: 22.
- Ruby: Two more than Eraser?
- Book: Yeah. And look! [words begin to appear]
- Ruby: Woah! You got the omni-updating version!
- Bubble: Those things are, loike, 3 grand shoillings.
- Book: I got it for free! SP is one of my best guy friends out there.
- Ruby: You should ask him out to Winter Ball.
- Book: Bigger problems, Ruby! Those words have BFDI everywhere on the page! They are ubiquitous! They are omnipresent! They are—
- Ruby: Yadda yetta yitta Yoda Judaea, big words.
- Bubble: But that's toirrible! How am I suppoised to roid "BFDI BFDI BFDI BFDI BFDI"? It's no loinguag—
- Pencil: OMG!
- Ruby: Oh now you're awake!
- Pencil: No, Ruby, I had me mobile with me. I h'actually got a text!
- Book: From whom?
- Pencil: It's literally from Pen!
- Book: That jerk! If I—
- Pencil: 'Ey! Don' call'e a jerk!
- Ruby: Ooh, did he apologise to you about rejecting your proposal?
- Pencil: No, even better! 'E says 'e'll go with me to the Ball!
- Book: What? Proposal by texting is so kitsch.
- Ruby: But maybe Pencil's right about the importance! I mean, it's only for one day.
- Book: Whatever. I am not going to the Ball this year. A popularity contest just to want to become the top predator? Count. Me. Out.
- Pencil: But it's really not thet complicated!
- Ruby: Yeah! Don't be a Debbie Downer! Or a Nancy No-No based off your—
- Pencil: Shh! I've new text from Pen! An' it says "BFDI BFDI BFDI BFDI BFDI, eh?" Wot's thet, an error? CURSE'EE, MEPHONE 3! Wait, it can't be. There's only, like, a few Canadians 'ere.
- Ruby: Umm … Bubble's possessed, too! Remember how they're the same age?
- Bubble: BFD-oi, BFD-oi, BFD-oi! It's the boist thing that's ever hoippened to moy since … uh … I doin't know whoin!
- Ruby: We have to run!
[They all run for about 45 seconds, and Pencil and the rest of the 17-year olds get possessed]
- Pencil: BFDI, yeah yeah yeah! Love'e now, yeah yeah yeah, so we can join—
- Ruby & Book: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
- Book: Alright Ruby, you're next! Any last words?
- Ruby: Yes, yes. I'd want to honour the rest of my sisters … and … family in gem school right now, even though it's really only open for diamonds … and … and … and … umm … I'd like to thank— [deep voice] BFDI!
- Book: Ah! Okay, I can prepare for this … I can prepare for what may happen that will change my life … BFDI BFDI BFDI BFDI BFDI BFDI BFDI!
- Needle: [reading to Nelson's class] And so the leaders of each country decided to sacrifice someone nobody likes, and so they went with— BFDI! [Runs out of the room maniacally.]
- Nelson: I knew it wasn't the butler!
5. Last moments
Scene: Aerial view of a school in a map form. One by one, the regions of the school get possessed by BFDI, as indicated by red shading. Noon. Everything is utter chaos. 12:01. Everyone becomes normal, since it is possible.
- Pencil: [in a crowd of people] Wot 'appen'd? An' why I with'ee dotlogrytes?
- Book: It is troglodytes, and I have no idea. Well, at least we became normal again!
- Test Tube: I don't think that was science against us.
- Clock: No, I'm fairly sure it was military action.
- Pencil: Wot bruv? Y'can't blame me dad fer all o'e!
- Ruby: I think he means from the enemy.
- School Paper: That's what I've been trying to tell you!
- Book: That would make a lot more sense.
6. On the streets of the Oggezsco building
Scene: Aristotelis is in the streets.
- Less Than Sign: We're so sorry that we had to fire you.
- Aristotelis: It's okay. Now can I come back again?
- Man: No. You said in your rules that anyone who gets dismissed may not come back again!
- Aristotelis: But those are my rules! I can change it, eh?
- Mili: It's too late for that now, I'm sorry.
- Aristotelis: So that means I'm unemployed?
- Less Than Sign: [getting the rules book and ripping it in half] Nope. I'm the new boss now!
- Aristotelis: New boss, what in blue blazes are you talking about?
- Less Than Sign: Whilst possessed by BFDI, our hive minds all connected and elected me as their new boss.
- Aristotelis: You can't do that! That's a democracy!
- Mili: The country's a democracy, sir. Get used to it.
- Less Than Sign: [Aside.] You don't have to call him "sir" anymore, you know.
- Aristotelis: You can't fire me! I have … umm … a wife with a decent job and three kids … one just vanished and the other in prison!
- Less Than Sign: Call me sir.
- Aristotelis: No, because I quit! [runs off crying]
7. Pencil's house
Scene: 4:00. Pencil enters her house very happily.
- Pencil: I am so happy right now!
- Estigua: Por quê?
- Pencil: Pen ask'd me to the dance!
- Estigua: Por …
- Pencil: 'E text'd me h'at lunch!
- Estigua: Não sei, Penél'ta, texting o de propor, não Fred'co um pouco, sabes, estranho?
- Pencil: I don' care if it's weird. A' leas' 'e ask'd me out!
- Estigua: Verdadeiro.
[Enter Nelson, and Needle, who is in low spirits.]
- Needle: I'm not allowed to read to babies anymore!
- Nelson: Hey, I'm not a baby!
- Estigua: Por quê?
- Nelson: She told the story wrong! According to the internet, the butler did it!
- Needle: Well, I kind of freaked out reading The Cursed Black Hole of Earth.
- Nelson: So did we all! "For ages 9 and up!"
- Pencil: [walking out of her room, kissing her phone] I love'e, I love'e, I love'e, I love'e, I love'e, I love'e!
- Needle: Woah, why is she acting crazy? And I mean, crazier than usual.
- Estigua: Foi convidada para sair do Baile do Inverno.
- Needle: And that causes her to kiss her phone?
- Pencil: Trus' me, Needy, [slap] 'ee'd be like'e h'if'ee got ask'd!
- Needle: I never got asked by anyone yet! And anyways, I'm in middle school, so I can't get in.
[Enter Pen, wearing a bow tie and a suit … sort of. Nobody notices him.]
- Estigua: Oh, Sr. Schreiber, você está olhando bom hoje!
- Pen: Thanks … ? Is Pencil home?
- Estigua: Sim.
- Pencil: [sees him] OMG! Y'look so … [faints, and then is woken up]
- Estigua: Bem, isso é estranho.
- Pen: Yes, and I have one thing to say. [kneels on one leg] Ms. Pencil Triángolo, as an honour to be my girlfriend for one whole year, will you go to the Ba—
- Pencil: Yes! Aye! Aye, I will go to the Ball with'ee! [they kiss]
- Needle: [with Nelson looking out the window] Awwww!
- Nelson: Ewwww!
- Pen: Well, I have to go now! [about to go] Wait, I forgot! Meet me at 2468 Dhanamgahawa Avenue at 8:00.
- Pencil: 2468 Dhanamgahawa … ain't'e h'a restauran'?
- Pen: You'll see.
- Pencil: Omg, I'm so h'excit'd! Bye!
[Exit Pen.] (There used to be a plot line here. Bad news: I forgot it.)
8. In the car
Scene: 7:50. Estigua is driving Pencil to the restaurant. She parks in a heavily crowded parking lot full of drawn carriages and ancient motor-cars.
- Estigua: [worried] Uau, este lugar é fantasia. Tens certeza que não quer me para obter o seu corset? Podemos ir para casa a qualquer momento! Ou é só pedir a Frederico para o chinês. Realmente vai adorar isso.
- Pencil: Like, relax Mum! I think I'll be fine in there.
- Estigua: Sinto muito, mas a minha filha está indo em seu primeiro encontro! Estou tão orgulhoso dela!
- Pencil: A' leas' yer 'as Nelson an' Needle!
- Estigua: Chame-me se precisas d'alguma coisa! [drives off]
- Pencil: [soliloquising] Oh no, I'm actually a' this fancy place. I don't know wot to do or wot to say or anythin'! Wote'er. In'e restauran', I'm sure to be th' only young one to!
[She enters the restaurant]
Scene: At Grandepiatto's, Pencil enters into a very decent atmosphere. Opera is playing in the background, and it's real Italian opera. The host greets her extremely formally.
- Fettuccine: Buonasera, signorina, e benvenuti italiano raffinata zona pranzo di Grandepiatto. Posso richiedere una prenotazione passato?
- Pencil: Sì, mi chiedevo se avete avuto prenotazioni per Schreiber?
- Fettuccine: [makes a wry face] We speak English too. You said that you were searching for Schreiber.
- Pencil: Aye.
- Fettuccine: It's "yes", dear.
- Pencil: "Yes."
- Fettuccine: Which of the five were you looking for?
- Pencil: Pen, th'n on the left.
- Fettuccine: [cringing at her accent] Well then, he has reserved a date for two at the restaurant. Are you this woman? [points to a crude drawing of Pencil]
- Pencil: Yesssss, ma'am. 'Ey, why am I wearin' thet 'at from las' year?
- Fettuccine: He reserved a spot for you last year.
- Pencil: Las' year?
- Fettuccine: [sighs] Our restaurant becomes so crowded full of the elite that it takes years to reserve only one single spot. You do realise this is the #1 Italian restaurant for fine dining in Kenya, right?
- Pencil: Then 'ow'd'ee reserve las' year?
- Fettuccine: It was like this.
- Pen: Yo yo dude!
- Fettuccine: I'm a woman …
- Pen: Don't care about that. I have a very special woman in my life! Anyways, I'd like to reserve a reservation for reserving the reserves for a very special lady I just started going out with. Oh, did I forgot to talk about this girl I'm dating? She's a—
- Fettuccine: Just sign your name over here. [Aside.] Hooligan.
- Pen: Alright thanks man!
- Fettuccine: I'm a woman! What part of fettuccine do you not get?
- Pen: The veggies. Now back to skateboarding! [skates out of the restaurant and hurts many people.]
- Pencil: I don't wan' to travel inside yer mind, considerin' I don' believe anythin' 'e "says" to.
- Fettuccine: [not understanding] Whaaaaat?
- Pencil: Sorry. Can I jus' sit down somewhere?
- Fettuccine: Of course. We have a special place for young people like you.
Scene: Fettuccine leads Pencil in the hallways and on the left, there is an area that says "Babies."
- Pencil: Babies? I h'ain't no baby! I'm, like, 17 years old. Well, a' leas' 'twill be romantic 'cause o' h'all the babies remindin' us thet we all should reproduce.
[Fettuccine literally throws Pencil inside the room and abandons her.]
- Pencil: Ow!
11. "Babies" Room
Scene: A room fit for babies, quite literally. There is a tea party table, a TV playing baby movies and a cradle. After Pencil's fall, she is rescued by the alliance without Match who happen to be there.
- Bubble: Hoy, Pencil!
- Pencil: 'Ey, guys! Wot're'ee doin' 'ere?
- Ruby: We were totally not tracking you!
- Bubble: We weren't woitching you go on a doite with Pen!
- Book: Your romance life means nothing to us.
- Pencil: Thanks?
- Ruby: Come! We already have our table!
[At the table.]
- Book: So, here is my date, School Paper.
- School Paper: Extra extra, Pencil is finally here! Extra, extra, I am finally out!
[Exit School Paper.]
- Pencil: 'Ello …
- Ruby: And here's my date.
- Johnstone: Hey, did you know you look kind of like that thing I found in this game called Minecraft the other day? It's only in it's first few stages, but you also have to take in fact that I'm also a level 348 Paladin in …
- Pencil: [Aside.] 'E's a little—
- Ruby: Yeah, I know. I only asked him out since we both have nobody.
- Pencil: Aww!
- Book: [to Johnstone] Cool story, briv!
- Pencil: It's bruv, Book.
- Book: Oops!
- Pencil: So Bubble 'asn't a date?
- Book: No, she does not want one.
- Ruby: But all the guys flock to her when they can!
- Book: Where is your date, Pencil?
- Pencil: Umm … well, I don't know. H'it's very unlike'e to be late. Maybe he's in traffic o' some sort!
- Book: Maybe …
12. Pen's house
Scene: Pen is getting himself ready for his date.
- Pen: Alright … so, should I probably button up the cap enough so Pencil doesn't notice it, but I should. Also, maybe I should wear this blazer I got in Canada, I think she'd really love that! Yeah, she'd definitely fall for the thousand dollars, eh? Or as she'd say, "eighty thousand shillins!" Ha-ha, that was a good—
[Katarzyna calls from outside.]
- Katarzyna: Pen, as my only child present now, could you please come above and talk to your father? It's imperative that you—
- Blocky: [calling out from Pen's own car] Hey, get in the car before I violently ruin your whole family!
- Eraser: That includes me, too.
- Gang of 8: Shh!
Scene: Pen is in the front seat of his car with Blocky driving. The only thing about Pen is that he is duct taped to the car seat.
- Pen: Okay, but only because you threatened to hurt my family. And how'd you get out of jail?
- Flower: When BFDI took over the world, the prison guards never noticed but we went!
- Trophy: I led them out!
- Pen: You guys are terrible.
- Scissors: What's with the blazer?
- Flower: You look hot!
- Blocky: No! Flirt with me!
- Snowball: I love you with all of my heart, Blockhead.
- Blocky: Not you! Flower!
- Flower: I have nothing.
- Blocky: That's it. I'm driving this reckless!
- Pen: You mean "recklessly", eh?
- Gang of 8: Shut up!
- Scissors: But seriously, why are you wearing a blazer?
- Pen: I'm on a date with Pencil. Or at least I was supposed to!
- Blocky: Cool, romance! Let's play some romantic music.
♫ There once was a boy
He was very very good
Then he was kidnapped
By a gang of 8
Wait, that doesn't even rhyme,
But rhymes don't matter,
When a girl came to Pater-
-son, New Jer-seeeeee,
Or was it Nai-ro-beeeeeee.
The boy got the girl
And then he got seeeeerved—
[Pen turns off the radio]
- Blocky: What was that? You just turned off the radio.
- Pen: My car, my rules. And what station was that?
- Blocky: Violent FM!
- Eraser: Uhh … speaking of music, how was the Jamhuri Day Parade?
- Pen: It was okay. You missed the Kwanzajinawa do a "Presidential" Command Performance, so we had this guy Match was is love with play Gi—
- Eraser: How's Match? I WANT TO KNOW HOW MY LOVER IS DOING AND SHE NEVER REPLIES TO ME!!!
- Pen: She … er … ran away!
- Eraser: No!
- Gang of 8: Yes!
- Flower: I never liked her anyways.
- Blocky: Umm … can you stop talking about other non-gang members, Pen and Eraser, or I have to kick you both out of the car.
- Flower: Blocky! I found this zebra dung on the street.
- Scissors: No, I'm sure it's giraffe poo!
- Flower: Zebra!
- Scissors: Giraffe!
- Flower: The longer this [censored] is in my hand the more I want to … to [vomits all over the car]
- Pen: What the … you vomited all over my car? That costed like three million shillings.
- Scissors: It's your fault!
- Flower: No, it's yours! [They talk, talk, talk, bicker, bicker, bicker, talk all they wanna, but it's different than it was]
- Blocky: Females! They all have the same purpose.
- Flower: What can I do with this weird animal poop? … Wait! [sees Pen's blazer]
- Pen: No, no, no, please don't, Flower don't you dare or else—
[You don't want to know what she does.]
- Flower: Nye-he-he-heeeee!
- Pen: What the heck, Flower, that costed thousands of shillings!
- Flower: Who cares, you're rich.
- Pen: But this looked good on me! Now it's covered in your strange chocolate mix. Pencil's not going to want to kiss me now!
- Scissors: It's a dark colour; she's not going to notice!
- Flower: Oh, it's not chocolate.
14. Baby Room
- Pencil: Ugh, this place is so borin'! I thought it'd be so fancy.
- Book: This is the baby side. The side where they send anyone younger than 18.
- Pencil: Wow. Thet's embarrassin'.
- Ruby: Is Pen still not here?
- Pencil: No. I tried to call'e, but 'e'dn' h'answar!
- Ruby: Aw, I feel so bad for you!
- Johnstone: For her? You should feel bad when I finally get to defeat my worst night nemesis in this new game I'm playing with other people. It's an MMORPG and it's called—
- Ruby, Book & Pencil: Not now, Johnstone!
- Pencil: Like, why's Bubble playin' with the kids? [sees Bubble at the far side]
- Ruby: That's her "date".
[Enter Anna, Pink Ball's mother.]
- Anna: Buonasera, damigelle.
- Pencil: Buonasera!
- Book: Buonasera!
- Ruby: Hello, Sarah!
- Anna: No no, it's Italian. So … I am Anna, your server for today. May I start with drinks?
- Pencil: Sure. I'll order some tea, please.
- Ruby: Water, also.
- Book: I shall order some dihydrogen monoxide.
- Anna: Uh …
- Book: Water, please.
- Anna: Okay then! Two waters and a tea. Sounds great! [about to go]
- Pencil: Oh, by any question, bist'ee relat'd to Pink Ball?
- Anna: Why yes! I am Pink Ball's mother.
- Ruby: She was a wonderful help. About last week she led us to a party at our enemy's social gathering, and we almost died.
- Book: Ruby, that was rude! You have to say, "She almost killed us." It flows off your tongue better.
- Ruby: Yeah, it does!
- Pencil: [calling out] Wait! Yer son-in-law? We celebrat'd Hanukkah with'e! It's a Jewish holiday also known as the Festival of Lights! [she doesn't come]
- Book: Pencil, you are not acting right. Is something wrong?
- Pencil: Omg, yer not me mum. But seriously, aye, somethin' bad's 'appenin'. Pen promis'd me he'd meet me h'a' this place! Why 'asn't'e come?
- Ruby: Maybe he's in a bad situation. Things like that happen.
- Johnstone: [coming up from under the table] Like the time when I was battling this Froglod in Vermanshicken's Revenge last week with my friend Williamstone and I lost, so—
- Ruby: Wait, you were under there that whole time?
- Johnstone: Of course. Seeing other people sometimes gives me the slightest sliver of anxiety.
- Book: Well, we missed your order, unfortunately.
- Pencil: Agh, I want Pen now! Where could'e be thet's possibly keepin'e back?
15. Outside Ukwasi Bank
Scene: Ukwasi Bank. The Gang gets out of the car.
- Pen: What did you do?
- Gang of 8: Shh! Now grab this giant sock!
- Pen: Why do I need this?
- Gang of 8: Shh! This is the time!
16. Inside Ukwasi Bank
Scene: Terry, Orange Ball's father is making an announcement to the small crowd of people at the bank.
- Terry: Attention, all people here, and thank you for depositing or withdrawing or other opportunities here, at Ukwasi Bank of Nairobi. Now, let us all go to the bathroom for our prayer session.
[Enter all the Gang of 8 in the sock. This, however, is not meant to scare people. Just to rob a bank, because that's what bad people do.]
- Pen: [in the back] Why would there be a prayer session at a public ba—
- Gang of 8: [whisper-screaming] Shut up!
[They walk through a large mechanism of security queues, Blocky leading the way. His hand goes behind the thingy.]
- Pen: [getting out] That's it, I can't take it anymore!
- Blocky: Pen, what are you doing? Get back in here, or your ugly blazer's going to be an embarrassment to the rest of us!
- Pen: No, I mean I can't hang with you guys anymore! You or Eraser or Snowball or Trophy or the others. I have been following your wrong ways for at least five years and I'm deciding to cease it.
- Eraser: So you don't want to be seen with us?
- Pen: No, and I'm leaving this instant. TERRY, COME OUT OF THE BATHROOM, THERE'S SOMETHING IMPORTANT HERE!
- Terry: [not looking] Is my son here, I need to tell him about this really cool— [sees Pen and the giant sock behind him] Wow! Your blazer is hideous! Did you get it in the mud and then run over by a car?
- Pen: [trying to keep himself together] No … of course not.
- Flower: Because you're going to get it ripped up! [The Gang of 8 tear at least half of it off à la Cinderella]
- Pen: Oh! It's terrible! Like I've been ripped into shreds by apes!
- Gang of 8: Ooh-ooh-AAH-ah!
- Terry: I can always help you!
- Pen: I admire your cupiousness to help, but no thanks; I have all the money I need.
- Terry: Okay, but if you need any financial help, I'm always there to help you, son.
- Pen: Thank you!
- Terry: And now to press this button. Change the sign, Argentium!
- Argentium: Id habeo. [changes the numbers on the sign "Ukwesi Bank of Nairobi: Robber free for 200 days"]
[The alarm sounds. Enter Swiss Franc.]
- Swiss Franc: There was a robbery?
- Terry: Yes there was. And you can arrest those seven hooligans!
- Swiss Franc: The gang of huit again? I thought you were in jail!
- Scissors: Ah! We escaped you!
- Swiss Franc: You're all going! [handcuffs them all] And sir, your blaz—
- Pen: I know. [They are sent to jail.] Thank goodness that was over. Now I don't want to see their terrible faces anymore!
- Terry: Isn't your brother a member of the gang?
- Pen: Oh yeah! Well, at least he might find a way to convince the officers to release him, eh?
- Terry: True.
- Pen: I have a date to go to; gotta go!
- Terry: With that?
- Pen: Bye!
17. Baby Room
Scene: Pencil, Ruby and Book have their heads on the table.
- Ruby: I've eaten all the baby food!
- Pencil: All 36 jars o'e!
- Book: And you gain nothing at all!
- Pencil, Ruby & Book: [bored] Uuuuuuuuuuh!
- Book: Hey, umm, Ruby? What is on your head?
- Ruby: Metal, why?
- Pencil: Oh, I see it! It's a letter!
- Ruby: Let me see! [retrieves it, and reads] "Dear Ruby and her friends. I have left this restaurant because it is way to terrible here. There is no Wireless Fidelity in this place and I'm supposed to go on a hunt with Josephstone. It was mediocre meeting you and your comrades, but I have to go. I expect to see you … crying?" What is this letter?
- Pencil: 'E's gone!
- Book: So it is just us girls!
- Bubble: Hey goiys! I have the koiy to the TV!
- Ruby: Not now!
- Bubble: Come see!
- Helmet: [talking on the news] … Gold leaf, in which its production has increased millionfold within the past day.
- Pencil: No 'ffence, Bubble, but this is borin'.
- Book: I am interested in it!
- Bubble: Well, let us toilk!
- Ruby: So you weren't playing with the kids!
- Bubble: Oi was! Oi was just troying to enter the coide numbers for the televoisoin for you.
- Pencil: Thanks!
- Ruby: But you missed all the food. It was "gourmet".
- Bubble: Oi'm a bubble! I don't need to eat!
- Book: Shh! This is really important!
- Helmet: … And just a few minutes ago, a bank robbery at the Ukwasi the infamous Gang of 8 was averted.
- Ruby: The Gang of 8?
- Bubble: Aren't they arroisted?
- Pencil: Please tell me Pen wasn' there!
- Helmet: It was averted by this unlikely hero. Now to our Mwemailambaya correspondent, Kim Nyu-Seu. Take it away, Kim!
- Nyu-Seu: 용의자는 각각 과거에 여러 명을 체포했지만, 그들 중 하나는 매달기도 세션 동안 은행을 구했습니다. 이 알 수없는 남자는 여전히 오히려 키가 크고 날씬한 고등학교에있는 것으로 간주하고 우리가 그를 본 고양이 마지막을 입고 있었다.
- Pencil: Omg, could'e be Pen?
- Ruby: How do you know?
- Pencil: The Korean chap says'e was tall an' thin! Exactly wot'e is! [They all laugh.]
- Book: Well, there are loads of people who are tall and thin! Also, this guy was wearing a cat.
- Pencil: Oh no, ye speaks Korean, too?
- Book: No, I just know that goyangi means cat. Goyangiiiiiiiii!
- Bubble: They're intervioywing Mr. Toirry right now!
- Terry: [interviewed] Oh my gosh, I'm on TV! Hi Ruth! Hi Orange Ball! Hi Rosy! Hi—
- Nyu-Seu: 당신이 은행으로, 피사체가 생각 누구를 알려주세요.
- Terry: Umm … does anyone here speak Japanese?
- Bulgogi: No, the language is Korean! But I think I can change the words for you. "Who do you think the subject was?"
- Terry: Oh! The one who did it? I am extremely sure that he is the Pen Schreiber.
- Nyu-Seu: 오! 어제 노래 테너?
- Terry: Aww, I love you too! [Bulgogi facepalms live on national television]
- Pencil: OMG! Pen was the one who saved the city from bein' destroy'd by the Gang!
- Book: All he did was stopping a robbery—
- Pencil: I don' care! Can'e pause? [Bubble pauses] An' go back. [She goes back to a scene with a rough sketch] Oh, thank'ee, my 'ero! [kisses the screen]
- Ruby: Well that takes a lot of devotion!
- Bubble: Agroid.
- Book: Guys, I think we should be more aware of our surroundings.
- Pencil: I don' care, as long as Pen is with the TV with 'is cat!
- Bubble: It looks like a cat throyow up.
- Ruby: Actually, it looks like a cat threw itself up!
- Book: GUYS! [quietly] Do you see over there? [Points to someone familiar.]
- Pencil: OMG! Is thet Pin from the party las' week?
- Book: They are celebrating her birthday. She is becoming ten years old!
- Ruby: So basically, she and Match have the same birthday?
- Book: Yeah!
- Pencil: Oh, she'd love thet!
- Book: I say we see it!
[They walk over to Pin and several of her friends. They are singing a traditional song.]
- Girls: ♫ Chúng tôi hy vọng rằng vào ngày sinh nhật của bạn, bạn có một ngày đặc biệt! Mặc dù cha mẹ bạn là không có ở đây, chúng tôi học sinh nữ đến để nói! ♫ Chúc mừng sinh nhật!
- Book: Hey Pin!
- Pin: Oh my PF! Book is here!
- Girls: Yay!
- Book: Happy birthday!
- Pin: Aww, thanks!
- Pencil: Y'know, me friend 'as the same birthday as'ee.
- Pin: Which one? The one who is not here?
- Pencil: Aye …
- Ruby: So Pin, where are your parents?
- Người Bảo Vệ Pin: Lets me to talk. Oh strange kind of Pin parents no longer here. For they had back in Saigon to celebrate her birthday not.
- Pin: What!? You never told me they left to Saigon! I thought that they were going to be late.
- Người Bảo Vệ Pin: Oh well. [Pin starts to cry] All right! I think I can fix it! You enjoy unicorns? Or horse? Better yet, you may like quantum mechanics, because I should have done his homework tomorrow.
- Ruby: We should go back now.
- Bubble: Oi ate alroidy.
- Book: There is no pho at this table. [about to go]
- Pencil: Wait! I know wot it's like to not 'ave the ones'ee love at yer special day. You're 8 years old, right?
- Pin: I'm ten, but I wish I was eighteen.
- Book: [Aside.] Were eighteen!
- Pencil: Oh, but why?
- Pin: Well, you can do driving and other things. Or at least back in my country.
- Pencil: I have an idea. [goes up to the centre of the room with a microphone] Greetings, all in the babies' section o' Grandepiatto's! [they all cheer]
- Bubble: Sing foior us!
- Ruby: Do Poker Face!
- Book: That opera song with, uh … uh—
- Người Bảo Vệ Pin: You will sing Cái Cò Cái Vạc Cái Nông?
- Pencil: No! In fact, I'm not gonna be singin' tonight.
- All: Awwwww!
- Pencil: I'll be h'makin' a speech towards the birthday girl, right in the centre, Pin!
- Pin: You don't have to do this, O nice girl.
- Pencil: Why? I might bore'ee with the speech anyway!
- Book: Hey, that is my job!
- Pencil: Well, I can start'e now. So … happy tenth birthday, Pin! 'Ee've two digits in yer age, now. But the real reason I want'd to talk's thet Pin's experiencin' things thet I've also. Fer example, I literally came alone! No date or anythin', like, even though my school …
18. Reception hall
Scene: Pen finally gets to Grandepiatto's. He is both grateful that he can actually go on a real date, and furious how his father's blazer essentially got "killed" by the Gang. He struts his way towards Fettuccine calmly.
- Pen: Arrivederci, signorina!
- Fettuccine: Goodbye. [going]
- Pen: Umm … excuse me, but is my date here?
- Fettuccine: That depends. If she is your cat, then she's right on your shoulders.
- Pen: Actually, that's not a cat … It's my blazer that the Gang of 8 b—
- Fettuccine: I don't care.
- Pen: Whatever. Can you just like lead me to the bathroom? I have to clean up first.
- Fettuccine: It's in the back. And by the way, most of our guests are ailurophobic, so get that cat off of you as fast as possible.
- Pen: Okay, then. [sprints to the bathroom so fast nobody notices]
19. Baby Room
Scene: Pencil is still making her speech.
- Pencil: … So basically, Pin wen' to a party … with all o' Book's camp friends, an' I c'd already tell thet she's the only h'English-literate out o' all o' hee, no offence …
20. Grandepiatto's bathroom and outside
Scene: Pen is washing in the bathroom.
- Pen: [Aside.] Got to get this stain off here, thanks Flower. And also, like I need to—
- Man: Hey, can you be quiet? I'm trying to—
- Pen: Sorry, man. Now to Pencil!
- Man: Why do I keep getting called that?
- Pen: [searching the restaurant, but finds nothing. To Fettuccine] D'you happen to know where Pencil is? I can't find her in this area.
- Fettuccine: [pretending] Non parlo inglese!
- Pen: [not understanding] Aww, thanks! I haven't heard you sing, but …
- Caldera: Hun, I'll help you with ya travels. They're in the "Baby Room".
- Pen: Woah! Mrs. C, you work here now?
- Caldera: Only on Thursday nights!
- Pen: A question, then: There is a baby room in this restaurant?
- Caldera: I don't know! I can't work with rubbish all over!
- Pen: Strange, the finest dining in Kenya has a section for infants.
- Caldera: I'd rather ask you the questions, if ya please. What's with the cat?
- Pen: Grr! It's not even a cat, it's a blazer, get it right! … please, ma'am.
- Caldera: Oh ho ho! With that rage, you'll be able to fight off the several guys who want to go for Penc, ha-ha! [awkward silence] Ah, just kiddin' with ya! There won't be guys runnin' off with ya girl, you know! [leaves him at the hall]
- Pen: [Aside.] Hopefully, she's right.
21. Baby Room
Scene: Pencil is still making her speech.
- Pencil: Also, I can translate … er … this speech into Vietnamese if'ee wants! Okay, since nobody be h'answarin'—
- Ruby: I think that's because they don't speak English!
- Pencil: Oh yeah. Then, Ruby h'if'ee wants, you can stand guard fer the door!
- Ruby: Got it! [goes to stand]
- Pencil: Chúc mừng sinh nhật thứ mười, Pin! Bạn có hai con số trong độ tuổi của bạn bây giờ. Nhưng lý do thực sự mà tôi muốn nói về bạn là vì Pin được trải nghiệm những điều mà tôi cũng đã thực hiện.
22. Outside the Baby Room
Scene: Pen is still standing, anxious about how to greet her without the awkwardness.
- Pen: Alright, you can do this. "Hey, Pencil, come with me!" Too pushy? Yeah. Maybe "I do sincerely apologise for this tardiness to this very ceremonious—" Too formal. What if she makes the first move? Oh, if only the doors had no soundproof! Hey look, a peephole! [Both Pen and Ruby start to stare at each other through opposite sides of the door.]
23. Baby Room
Scene: Pencil is still making her speech, but this time stumbles on a word.
- Pencil: Tôi nói rằng chúng ta chỉ cần … cần … cần—
- Ruby: [to Pen at the door] Ha!
- Pencil: OMG, h'ee's so correct, Ruby! Thet's the word I was lookin' fer … hạ! Anyways … thấp thái độ của chúng—
- Ruby: No! I mean I see someone at the door!
- Pencil: Ooh, is it Match?
- Ruby: No, a boy.
- Book: Is it Johnstone?
- Ruby: More jock-y.
- Bubble: The Gang of Oight?
- Ruby: More nerdy.
- Pin: My mẹ and cha?
- Ruby: More individual.
- Người Bảo Vệ Pin: The—
- Ruby: Nope! Come take a look, Pencil!
- Pencil: [Aside.] It's probably someone lame, I bet'ee. [sees through peep-hole] Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
- Ruby: Yeah, he's here!
- Book: I wonder if he is wearing that cat.
- Bubble: Moybe!
[Pencil opens the door immediately for him. The rest of the alliance crowds around him.]
- Pencil: OMG, Pen, 'ee finally arrived!
- Pen: I sure did! It took me like three hours to come here, but I'm actually near civilised people now!
- Pencil: So, how was'e like fightin' crime?
- Ruby: And attacking the Gang?
- Bubble: And prepoiring for your date with Poincil?
- Book: And your feline obsession? [reaches for the blazer, but he pushes it away from her]
- Pen: It's not a cat!
- Bubble: Whoit is it, then?
- Pen: That's what I'll tell Pencil, and her only.
- Pencil: Aww! [they kiss] 'Ey, can'ee carry me away like they do in films?
- Book: —nlmnml … land. Like they do in Finland!
- Pencil: Wotevs. Let's, like, go then! [He picks her up with ease] Wow! Like, I din't know'ee could carry me! For the whole year, I've been carryin'ee!
- Pen: It's football, actually. Y'know they really push you to actually participate in training? I mean, it's like … [They walk out together.]
- Pin: Who's going to do my birthday speech now? The only one besides us who speaks Vietnamese is gone!
- Book: I guess I will. [gets up] We girls are the only ones who can stick together from boys! I mean, Pencil is the only one who is in a relationship, and having a Valentine's Day birthday is no excuse whatsoev—
- Người Bảo Vệ Pin: Hey, hey, be listening! Although English can not my second language, I do not think this girl has same amount speech is one of the other was saying.
- Pin: I'd rather not hear about Pencil's love life, please, just my tenth birthday party speech!
- Book: Okay, then … being councellor for Pin at camp was a very interesting experience. Her best friend there was Ice Cube, who isn not here now because … because …
- Pin: She died!
- Book: Again? And her other friend was Baseball Cap, who is not here …
- Pin: He went back to Chicago to play baseball!
- Book: Right-e-o! Any questions? [sees Bubble and Ruby sleeping] … aaaaaaaaand I am done. Tốt đêm, Nairobi!
24. Main room
Scene: Pencil and Pen are eating right in the middle of the restaurant. Most of the older aristocratic customers glare at them, just for being young.
- Pen: Isn't this date so romantic?
- Pencil: Totally! 'Ey, like, when can we order our food?
- Pen: You're still hungry?
- Pencil: Wot? Like … no, I've'd 36 cans o' baby food.
- Pen: So that's why you weigh ten grams more.
- Pencil: Wot the 'eck, m8?
- Pen: Nothing, nothing, sorry. And you were asking about food?
- Pencil: Aye.
- Pen: Oh! The food doesn't come until like after a few hours.
- Pencil: A few hours?
- Pen: Well, this restaurant gets so crowded on these sorts of days, they had to reserve hours before.
- Pencil: Omg, no!
- Pen: Like …
- Pencil: Wait! I've a question. Why'd'ee make us eat out 'ere, when it clearly says "Nessuno sotto i diciotto anni è autorizzato a mangiare qui"?
- Pen: Um … I don't speak Italian, so I don't understand half of the words you're saying. [She laughs.]
- Pencil: I mean' adults only are allowed to eat 'ere, an' yet we're still kids!
- Pen: Apparently, it's only free to our family.
- Pencil: Are you … like … doy 'ee come'ere often?
- Pen: No, but my mum and dad often come here on dates.
- Pencil: Well with this kind o' h'atmosphere! [laughs] But seriously … am I part o' the family?
- Pen: Of course! You've been in it for the past year, now, even though nobody else's said so.
- Pencil: Oh, thet's so sweet!
[Enter Rainbow Pen in great excitement. He literally runs inside the restaurant.]
- Fettuccine: Ahh! Pericolo! Pericolo! Qualcuno è entrato nel nostro ristorante, e penso che sia uno degli Schreibers! Chiama la polizia, nessuno!
- Caldera: Am on it! [chases Rainbow Pen into the baby room, followed by 30 other staff members]
- Pen: That was very strange.
- Pencil: Who was thet?
- Pen: I don't know exactly, but I've seen him in school trying to abide for several juniors.
- Pencil: Y'know I think thet I've seen'e, once.
- Pen: Ah, popular girls.
- Pencil: Aye … we know 6% o' the school, talk ter 18% an' 99% o' them know 'bout us.
- Pen: Oh you.
- Pencil: Wot'ee thinks this Rainbow Pen be h'doin' in the baby room?
25. Baby Room
Scene: Book is making a speech, when Rainbow Pen randomly storms in.
- Book: So yes. Vietnam is a nation of 333,210 square kilometres of land, and that really contributes … to … uh …
[Enter Rainbow Pen with the same look of excitement expressed a scene earlier.]
- Rainbow Pen: Attention ladies! Come here, please!
Ruby: ♫ But who is this, whose god-like grace
Proclaims he comes from noble race?
Bubble: And who is this, whose manly face
Bears sorrow's interesting trace? ♫
- Book: Oh great, we are doing Patience! You know I have never been in it!
- Ruby: Neither has Pencil. But it's fun!
- Pin's friends: Người đàn ông cảnh báo nóng! Người đàn ông cảnh báo nóng!
- Book: What do you want?
- Rainbow Pen: I want you all to date me!
- Ruby: Eww, gross! You know we don't do polygamy!
- Bubble: Hoiy, some people can do it!
- Rainbow Pen: Oh, I'm not into that! [begins to shake wildly]
- Book: What the?
[Rainbow Pen divides himself into several colours.]
- Xanh Pin: Wow! Một cây bút màu xanh lá cây cho tôi!
- Đỏ Tía Pin: Và một cây bút màu tím cho tôi!
- Pin: [with Red Pen] This is the best birthday party ever! Thanks Book and her politically different friends!
- Book: You are very welcome. But it was not a present. In fact, I have no idea who Rainbow Pen is!
- Green and Blue Pen: I beg to differ, Book.
26. Main Room
Scene: All of the girls walk with one pen, two and two.
- Pencil: Wot's goin' on?
- Pen: Yeah, this is extremely weird; one minute all these girls have no dates and another they all have look-a-likes of me!
- Pencil: They got ev'ry detail right o' 'im.
- Pen: Oh my gosh! [to one of the fake pens with a different colour as him] You're, like, the exact colour as I!
- 3181CE Pen: No, I'm not! I'm 3181CE Pen!
- 3181CE Pin: Chào! Tên tôi là Ba Một Tám Một Xê E Pin!
- 3181CE Pen: Anyways, my cap colour is darker than yours!
- Pencil: Racist!
[Exit 3181CE Pin with her own pen.]
- Pencil: Like, thet colour's only fer the K! [silence] Well, it's not like I look a' yer pictures at night, 'eh.
- Pen: Actually, a bigger question: Where are the multicoloured pens taking all the pins?
- Pencil: Don' ferget th' alliance!
27. Rainbow Pen's car
Scene: All the girls are now inside Rainbow Pen's car. All the multicoloured pens from before are now combined into the original RP.
- Ruby: Why are we in here?
- Book: I agree, mother does not let me inside the vehicles of strangers.
- Rainbow Pen: Well, I would rather be the one asking questions.
- Bubble: Are we boying poid to do this?
- Pin: You do realise you guys are in a car full of pens and 10 and 11-year-olds, right?
- Bubble: Yeah, but—
- Rainbow Pen: Focus, everyone! Anyways, Match is arriving at Jomo Kenyatta really soon and she really wants a party for her birthday.
- Book: How do you know this?
- Rainbow Pen: Let's just say I follow a certain someone on UsoKitabu.
- Ruby: Sword?
- Rainbow Pen: Yes! I absolutely loathe Sword! And his other Argentinian friends. KIBURI KENYA!
- Book: Please do not be patriotic in here; there are foreign nationals in this car.
- Rainbow Pen: My car, my rules. And besides, the main point is that Match is coming back to our wonderful country.
- Mèo Lông Xám Pin: Vietnam?
- Rainbow Pen: No, no, Kenya!
- Bubble: If Moitch is coming back, and we'ven't roidied for the party yoit, we have to tell Poincil!
- Book: Wait wait wait. If you told us, why did you not tell Pencil?
- Rainbow Pen: [whispering] I'm scared of British people.
- Ruby: Go ahead, Bubble! I don't think I'd want to interrupt their date.
- Book: It could be rather awkward.
- Bubble: Do you want a party that Moitch will never forgoit?
- Ruby: No!
- Book: Maybe.
- Bubble: I'm loiving this car!
28. Kienyeji's Party Store
- Muuzaji: [off-screen] Everyone, has we decorations for Christmas or Hanukkah or Boxing Day or any holiday over there!
- Estigua: Perfeito.
[They go shopping for decorations. Whilst walking there, the kids pine for other things.]
- Nelson: Mum, can we buy—
- Estigua: Não.
- Needle: What? [Aside.] You have to try, Nelson. You're her favourite!
- Nelson: Fine. [out loud] Mum, can w—
- Estigua: Disse que, se ele não está na lista, não podemos comprá-lo.
- Needle: No point in buying things here, we're entering a weird land!
- Estigua, Needle & Nelson: WOAH!
29. Main room of Grandepiatto's
Scene: Pencil and Pen are still on a date. In the window behind them, Bubble has to run through several mountains to get to them.
- Pencil: Aww, you didn't 'ave to take off thet cat—
- Pen: It's a blazer!
- Pencil: Oh yeah. [awkward silence]
- Pen: Sooooooooo, New Years' day is coming up soon.
- Pencil: Aye, it is. Wait, YOU BOUGHT ME H'A RING?
- Pen: No. [Aside.] That's for her birthday. [to Pencil] Like, what about our resolutions?
- Pencil: New Year's resolutions? Wot's'e?
- Pen: Well … y'see … it's … like, sort of a thing we do back in the old country … where … like, you set up goals for the new y—
- Pencil: Let's get married!
- Pen: [taken well-aback] What? I'm still 18, and so are you!
- Pencil: Correction, I be 17 an' three quarters, dear. An' me poin' ain't thet we marry, I mean ect like we are married.
- Pen: Oh, I see! You want us to act like we are married.
- Pencil: Thet's wot I jus' says. An' now thet we're married, become Catholic!
- Pen: Never! You have to be Jewish like me, 'cause I'm the husband!
- Pencil: U wot, dear?
- Pen: Sorry … let's just … change the topic.
- Pencil: An' the topic be … baby names. [reading from her "menu"] If 'ee has kids, 'ow'd'zee name 'em?
- Pen: Well, I vote for a mix of Greek and Polish names.
- Pencil: Let's go Kenyan! Y'know, father can't always 'ave everythin' 'e wan's.
- Pen: Actually—
- Pencil: Really. They can't've everythin'! So, d'yee wan' the kid to take yer name or mine?
- Pen: Mine!
- Pencil: Fine … let's jus' name'e Bintimpya H. Jinabado arap Kalamu.
- Pen: Which is? (See, I'm filling in for Eraser.)
- Pencil: I don' care; kiss me, y'fool! [She kisses him.]
[Enter Bubble while they are kissing. Meanwhile, Fettuccine stares in horror.]
- Pencil: [surprised] 'Ey, Bubble!
- Pen: What're you doing here?
- Bubble: Uh … well … oi didn't want to interroipt at a toime like this!
Scene: The Christmas decoration area has been taken over by signs celebrating BFDI. Estigua is talking to an attendant.
- Estigua: [melodramatically] Por favor, diga-nos o que aconteceu com a seção de decoração de Natal de sua loja. O questá acontecendo? Só quero ter um Natal feliz com meus filhos e meu marido está lutando na guerra, e somos apenas os quenianos pobres que realmente precisam de um— Por questá me olhando assim?
- Muuzaji: I don't speak Spanish. [walks off]
- Nelson: Hold on!
- Muuzaji: Aww, isn't that cute? A little boy asking me to stay!
- Nelson: Not so fast! Why are there BFDI decorations here?
- Needle: Yeah, don't you know it's a disease?
- Muuzaji: Well, it's kind of hard to explain. You see, the government has ordered all shops in the country to … like, change all the empty things to BFDI!
- Nelson: That's just a crazy conspiracy theory!
- Muuzaji: It might me! But I doubt that's in your line of significance, is it, little boy?
- Nelson: Wow. That was rude, right Needle?
- Needle: Well, in hindsight you were going against him in your argument.
31. Main room
Scene: Bubble keeps on making excuses or tries to go around saying what she was ordered to say, as Pen and Pencil get more uncomfortable.
- Bubble: I moin, that a coirtain someone is coming, and it's … it's b-boist that you can go noiow to your—
- Pen: You wanted us to go?
- Pencil: Bubble, why is 'ee 'ere, anyhway?
- Bubble: Y-you see, moybe I should go.
- Pen: That'd make this date a lot more—
- Pencil: Depressin'! Now, wot'zee wan' to tell us?
- Bubble: Y'soy, oi just want yoyu to leave.
- Pen: Y'wanted us to leave? Well, by G-d I say we do leave, should we, Pencil?
- Pencil: [getting up] None wote—
- Bubble: NOIO! I moin, I have some noys for you goys. Moitch is coming back home.
- Pencil: Wot?
- Bubble: The Roinbow Pen told all of us!
[Enter Ruby, Book, Pin, Rainbow Pen & pins.]
- Ruby: It's true!
- Pen: Then why don't we go?
- Book: Can we dine with you?
- Pen: Sorry, this is one on one, not one on thirty.
- Thuốc Mửa Màu Sắc Pin: Cô gái người hiểu biết nhiều ngôn ngữ! Cô ấy nói rằng cô ấy sẽ liên lạc với bạn qua tin nhắn văn bản!
- Pencil: Oh, ok! She's like she'll text me via text message!
- Ruby: Now we have to wait for a text.
- Book: Here comes the cow!
[Enter Fettuccine with several tools.]
- Fettuccine: Ah! Ci sono bambini nel mio ristorante! E sono probabilmente mangiando bruscamente o rovinare il mio prezioso tappeto arabo! Ottenere nella stanza del bambino, o sei in punizione!
- Pins: [mocking her] Ở nè! Ở nè! [Fettuccine squirts water from a squirt bottle at all of them]
- Pen: [protecting Pencil] Don't squirt me, I'm a Schreiber!
- Rainbow Pen: Don't squirt me, I'm not a baby; I am twenty-three!
- Người Bảo Vệ Pin: To the children, these man said he has 23 years old!
- Pins: [horrified] Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah! [they run out of the restaurant]
[Exit pins. Rainbow Pen chases them out.]
- Bubble: Don't squoirt me, I'm 18 yoirs old!
- Ruby: So am I!
- Pencil: No you're not, Ruby, you're—
- Ruby: Shh!
- Book: What do you think that we are, cats?
- Fettuccine: Yes! [sees Pen's blazer gone] Yes! He has no cat! I sprayed the cat off him! [to the whole restaurant] ATTENTION-A, EVERYONE! I-A SPRAYED-E THE CAT OFF THIS BOY!
[The patrons start laughing quietly. Then it turns to extremely loud laughter.]
- Ruby: Wow, these people have a strange sense of humour!
- Pen: I object, ma'am. That wasn't a cat, and I am not a boy.
- Ruby: Well …
- Bubble: Moybe …
- Book: Technically, you are still a …
- Pencil: HE H'AINT A BOY! 'E's a man … my man. [leans against him]
- Bubble: Aww!
- Ruby: That's so sweet!
- Book: [Aside to Ruby and Bubble] They are on to us!
- Pencil: This reminds me … 'ow much is this lovely dinner?
- Fettuccine: Fifty quadrillion shillings.
- Pencil: Fifty quadrillion shillins, 'ow d'ee h'expec' for us to pay, eh?
- Pen: Penc, did you not remember who the man in this relationship was? [sternly] It was me. So that means I pay!
- Pencil: Now thet is wot ye call chivalry.
- Ruby: Aww!
- Bubble: That's so swoit!
- Book: He just took fact that you are poor, no offence! And is not it more like sexism at her best?
- Ruby: His best, I thought.
- Book: Whatever. I am leaving!
[Exit Book. Pencil checks her phone.]
- Pencil: OMG! Match is nearly at 'er 'ouse!
- Ruby: We have to hurry!
[Omnes exeunt except Pen.]
- Pen: [to Fettuccine] Ma'am, I think that I should pay later, I can't seem to find my—
- Fettuccine: Get out! [pushes him out of the restaurant] Hooligans.
32. The plane
Scene: Match is on her plane of unknown number, from Amsterdam to Nairobi, sitting next to a Dutch girl about the same age as her. She is in Sudan.
- Hoed: [noticing her] Oh, hallo!
- Match: Hi!
- Hoed: Sorry I did not notice you; I was just reading this magazine!
- Match: It's very well.
- Hoed: Oh, you are American! I did not remember that they often get offended by silence.
- Match: But, like, I'm not American. I'm, like, totally Canadian-Kenyan.
- Hoed: Interesting …
33. Pencil's house
Scene: Estigua, Needle and Nelson have finished decorating the house for the holidays.
- Estigua: Na verdade, é maravilhoso. Temos prata, ouro falso, festão e uma árvore.
- Nelson: We're missing—
- Estigua: Sei.
[Enter Pencil, Pen, Ruby, Book and Bubble. They (except for Pen) marvel at the decorations.]
- Book: Wow!
- Bubble: You decorated the hoise!
- Ruby: These lights are so pretty!
- Needle: If you like it, you should thank us Pencil!
- Estigua: Como foi o encontro?
- Pencil: Well, it was the mos' romantic night o' me life! I mean, this man did so much thet—
- Pen: [Aside to Pencil] Remember what we promised?
- Pencil: [Estigua drinks] Actually, somethin' even be'er 'appen'd on the date. Pen an' I got married! [She spits it out. The girls laugh]
- Estigua: Casado? Está casado agora? Qual será o seu pai acha que isso, como você se casou com este—
- Pencil: Relax, mum! In reality, we only ac' as if we were married. [The girls sigh]
- Estigua: [praying] Oh obrigado a Deus por salvar esta jovem desta juventude benevolente.
- Pencil: Go to bed, mum!
- Pen: Wow, you got holiday lights!
- Ruby: Now you notice it?
- Pen: Sorry.
34. The plane
Scene: Match and Hoed are still on the plane, this time, however, they are in Kenyan territory. Match is taking pictures of herself with the front face camera on her mobile phone.
- Hoed: What are you doing?
- Match: Taking pictures of me. Y'know, I, like, wish there was, like, a word for this. Hey, I know! Self—
- Hoed: When you really think about it, American girls come up with the strangest words.
- Match: FTLT, I am from Canada!
- Globe Outline: Attention passengers, we will be landing this in 30 minutes. Please take your time to turn off all electronic devices, turn up all trays, and also return to your seats where you will attach a seatbelt to you, or we shall have one of our assistants (that means you, Pointer) do it for you had you no way to anyways. [repeats it in Chinese] 注意乘客，我們將在30分鐘內降落了。請把你的時間來關閉所有電子設備，把所有 …
- Match: Omg! Time to text Pencil!
- Hoed: Do you think it's too late?
- Match: Of course, yes! I'll do it, anyway. [reading her text out loud "aboot 2b in near ui n 30 munuts gott ago"
- Hoed: You spelt many words wrong! Like the "aboot". Since you are Canadian, you spelt it according to how you would pronounce it.
- Match: Hey!
- Hoed: You know, this book shows a history of the word "about". I really don't need it much, so I'm giving it to you! [gives it] Also, you did "2b" instead of "to be". Why do algebra if you're in— [Aside] What maths are you in?
- Match: Calculus—
- Hoed: Calculus? It makes zero sense!
35. Pencil's house
Scene: After getting the text, the alliance panics to decorate for Match's birthday party/arrival. Pencil and Pen are watching TV together.
- Book: We have to hurry up; Match will be here in thirty minutes! Pencil, why are you not working?
- Pencil: Shh! I'm wotchin' the telly!
- Helmet: [on TV] … shipments have suddenly gone into the sky. Another interesting fact today. The restaurant Grandepiatto has lost its five-star rating in exchange for one star. These reviews were mainly written in Vietnamese, including one by Pin. It reads … My en boy ban thai mott neha hang why thai Ken—
- Bulgogi: No! It is not pronounced that way! You really should be more culturally sensitive about such topics.
- Helmet: And who are you?
- Bulgogi: I am the one and only Bulgogi, the one and only one who can speak every language in the world!
- Helmet: But you are Korean! Can't you …
- Pen: Her ego is bigger than all Korea!
- Pencil: I can't believe she jus' says thet! She can't even tell Igbo from Yoruba!
- Book: Hey, can you at least help?
- Pencil: Nope! I'm monit'rin' the texts!
- Pen: Yeah, you kids just go ahead and work.
- Pencil: Fine!
36. Match's house
Scene: Aristotelis and Katarzyna are sitting quietly in the house. A fire is in the back. [Enter Match.]
- Katarzyna: Omg! I cannot believe you left the house to run away to Argentina, on the way that your father just left—
37. Streets of Nairobi
Scene: Match is running away to Pencil's house on the streets whilst texting.
- Match: "Omg … mum … just got really mad for … like … runnig awy from home can I go 2 ur place" And send.
38. Pencil's House
Scene: Pencil is still sitting on the couch.
- Pen: Y'know, I think I need to get up now. [goes to work with the girls]
- Book: Yeah! A real man is with us now!
- Pencil: Thet's, like, my line!
- Nelson: Why is there so much noise here? I was sleeping and was awoken by high schoolers.
- Bubble: That's not the foirst toime it happened to yoi!
- Nelson: Whatever. But why are you re-decorating the house?
- Ruby: Match is finally coming back!
- Nelson: [fake enthusiastically] Yaaaaaaaaaaaay …
- Estigua: Nelsão! Vá para o seu quarto agora!
- Nelson: Sorry, mum!
- Ruby: Why can't he be up and you are, Needle? Don't you go to the same area in school?
- Needle: Yeah, but I'm the middle child! So I can do basically anything and she will never notice!
- Pencil: Omg! Match is comin' 'ere, right now!
- Ruby: We have to work harder, or else— [knock]
- Book: It is she!
- Pencil: No, it ain't.
- Pen: How do you know?
- Pencil: Fer one thin', every Thursday at 10:00 a' nigh', the delivery man comes an' gives me mum some h—
- Needle: PRODUCTS!
- Pencil: Aye, thet. She usually gets into a sleep-walkin' position an' kisses the delivery guy on the cheek. Watch!
[Enter Delivery Guy. Estigua wakes up.]
- Delivery Guy: Package for Estigua Triángolo.
- Estigua: [sleepwalking] Nggggggghhhhhhhasuihasuidhuihasdhasghda dashgdh gdhgsdahgdhgd brrrrrsplashhhum! [The others try not to laugh.]
[Estigua kisses him on the cheek. They all laugh as he closes the door.]
- Pencil: Wot? I've seen'ee 900 times, so h'it ain't thet funny.
- Bubble: What's in thoire?
- Book: You only specified that they were "products".
- Needle: Alright, the things that are in these box belong to my mother and her ONLY. They are really really really really really really special types of—
- Estigua: [hearing in her sleep] NÃO!!!!!! [At the same time, the door-bell rings.]
- Pencil: Omg, it's prob'ly 'er.
[She runs to get the door.]
- Book: [Aside.] Probably the only physical work that she has done all day.
- Pen: That's actually … kind of true!
[Match is on the other side of the door]
- Pencil & Match: [screaming like they do in TV sitcoms aimed for young tweens when two girls who have not seen each other in, like, five minutes, greet each other in a ritualistic fashion] Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
- Match: I can't believe it's, like, all of you!
- Pencil: I can't believe yer 'ere!
- Book: I can not believe you did not die.
- Ruby: [Aside.] Shh!
- Bubble: Soio, you're carrying a loit of bags! Who are they foir?
- Match: They are for, like, all of you! [distributes the gifts throughout the alliance]
- Pencil: Omg! [sees many keychains] Y'got me, like, a milliard keychains! Mus've taken ages to purchase!
- Match: Yep! And they all have phrases in Spanish!
- Pencil: Thet's, like, so amazin'! Thanks, Match!
- Bubble: You goit me Argentoine yoylecake!
- Match: I hear, it's, like, better than Kenyan yoylecake!
- Bubble: Hoiow?
- Match: They added, like, a special new flavour to it that isn't available in our country!
- Bubble: OMBB!
- Match: Try it now! [Bubble eats the cake. Match moves on.]
- Ruby: Wow! It's, like, a television and phone in one!
- Match: They only have it in South America.
- Ruby: But why—
- Match: I didn't know what you wanted, so, like, I just found the most expensive thing at the gift shop!
- Book: Oh my! It is a Spanish-English-Swahili dictionary! How did you know I have always wanted one?
- Match: It wasn't that easy. So I just asked the attendant to carry it on the plane with me … Book?
- Book: [reading] Whoo! Those subjunctive conjugations with oblique parallel … [Match moves on.]
- Match: I even got you something, Needy— [about to slap] I mean, Needle.
- Needle: It's grey and mechanical! What is it?
- Match: You place it above your hole and it will tell you where someone is, like, saying your alternative, like, name right now.
- Pencil: Oh, she's gonna be h'all over th—
- Needle: Hold on, there is someone in China I need to slap. They want a younger brother! [literally flies there and back, making a hole in the ceiling]
- Pencil: Thet may need some repairin'.
- Match: Omg, don't worry!
- Pen: Did I get anything?
- Match: Of course not! But Eraser got this really cool—
- Ruby: Wait! You said that you get Eraser something?
- Match: Of course! Like, he is the best guy e-verrrrr!
- Ruby: Awesome! Eratch is back asail! Twwot twwot!
- Match: Yeah, Sword is, like, a thing of the past. [quietly] I'll always, like, remember a guy who I used to love—
- Book: It is whom I used to—
- Pencil: I thought'ee'd expect gifts fer you!
- Match: Omg, but these are, like, Christmas presents … right?
- Pencil: Well, we open our presents ON Christmas, Match. Or a' leas' wot they do in me culture.
- Ruby: And mine!
- Bubble: And moine!
- Book: And mine!
- Match: [sigh of disapproval] Pen, you never told me Christians do that!
- Book: [interjecting] Atheists, too.
- Pen: Well, how was I supposed to know about world religions? [They argue. Then the door-bell rings.]
- Pencil: [runs toward the door] Omg, Match, it's yer parents.
- Match: Aah! Hide me in your room!
- Pencil: Okay, then.
[Match sprints past Nelson sleeping in Pencil's closet.]
- Pencil: It's open!
[Enter Aristotelis and Katarzyna.]
- Katarzyna: Cześć!
- Bubble: [suspiciously] Hoiy!
- Aristotelis: The gang's all here … that's weird.
- Pen: Oh no, nothing's wrong.
- Aristotelis: Is Match here?
- Ruby: No.
- Pencil: No.
- Bubble: Noio.
- Book: No!
- Pen: Yeah, she's in Pencil's r—
- All: SHHHH!
- Katarzyna: Okay, then. [They get her.] Can you get out of the closet?
- Needle: [meanwhile] I can't believe they just went into our house!
- Pencil: Kind o' suspicious …
- Ruby: Yeah.
[They are out of Pencil's room with Match.]
- Match: Why are you, like, here?
- Needle: And why did you suddenly go into our house?
- Aristotelis: I thought you were allowed to walk to any room of your own house.
- Pencil: Wot?
- Katarzyna: We're living here now!
[Pencil and Needle gasp. Silence.]
- Pencil: MUM, WAKE UP AN' TALK TO MATCH'S PARENTS WHO WAN' TER LIVE 'ERE RIGHT NOW!
- Estigua: [sleep-walking] Muhhhsalpsrrrrrb dghdghadsghdg hdghsad adhgsahdsahiuhdiusahiusahhhhhhhgggggggn!
- Ruby: Wake up, Mrs. Pencil's mum!
- Needle: This will do the trick. "Mum, dad's returned from the war!"
- Estigua: [immediately getting up] Onde?
- Pencil: No, mum, there is no dad. We have to talk together.
- Book: Whatever comes from their mouths is news to me.
- Ruby: Same.
- Katarzyna: So, you may know that my husband lost his job.
- Estigua: Aw, me sinto tão triste por ele!
- Pencil: Speakin' on be'alf o' me mum, "Aww, I feel so sorry fer'e!"
- Katarzyna: This also means we are getting no more income.
- Estigua: Aw, me sinto tão triste por ele!
- Pencil: Ditto.
- Match: Omg! That means that we aren't getting any more money, right?
- Katarzyna: Right. Did you spend any money last night?
- Match: Like …
- Pen: Well …
- Match: All the planes I, like, took abroad costed about 7 billion shillings.
- Pen: And my date with Pencil costed fifty quadrillion.
- Aristotelis: [with a calculator] 50 quadrillion plus 7 billion … You have … like 3 million shillings left in our money!
- Match: Umm … my gifts costed 40 shillings.
- Ruby: They're so cheap!
- Match: It was Argentina; we, like, haggle.
- Book: That is a lie; people do not haggle there!
- Match: I had, like, so much money the guy fell for it!
- Pen: The Gang of 8 members vomited on my car, so—
- Katarzyna: You let the Gang of 8 enter your car; I'm so glad you didn't die.
- Aristotelis: Hey, relax! And how much do you think that costs?
- Pen: About 500,000 shillings.
- Aristotelis: Also, I can't find my blazer. You know, the one that existed when we were Syngrapheases?
- Pen: This may sound unbelievable, but I … umm … flushed it down the toilet on Pencil and my date.
- Aristotelis: You WHAT!?
- Pen: The Gang of 8 ruined it! They washed it and threw zebra excrement on it. (Or was it giraffe?) Then I was literally like ridiculed throughout the three remaining hours I was wearing it, so I had no choice but to remove it forever.
- Aristotelis: Pen, I rarely get angry. But that jacket was in our family for over 9000 years! As the ancient Greek fathers did to their kids, you have given me no choice but to—
- Katarzyna: [interjecting] No!
- Pencil: Please don' 'urt'e! He's only vulnerable down to the football! I mean, ye shouldsn't get anger'd off wot me boy did! 'E's not yer problem, it's Eraser, remember?
- Katarzyna: Oh yeah!
- Aristotelis: Can we start all over again? You have given me no choice but to … … … … … … give you a big hug! [squeezes him] I never liked that blazer anyways, but your destruction of it made me rethink about it.
- Katarzyna: [Aside.] Ari, I still see one major flaw. Why did our children spend so much money?
- Aristotelis: What?
- Katarzyna: That blazer cost 1,999,900 shillings, y'know.
- Aristotelis: Pen, no electronics for two hours.
- Pen: [Aside.] Worth a shot.
- Katarzyna: So why did you spend a lot of money?
- Match: 'Cause we're so rich, right?
- Katarzyna: JESTEŚMY TAK UBOGI, JAK ŚWINIE! TUTAJ JESTEŚMY Z POWROTEM W POLSCE! MATKA! GDZIE SĄ WIADRA, MUSZĘ WYDOIĆ KROWY JUŻ TERAZ!
- Match: Oh.
- Everyone else: What?
- Match: Omg, we're poor!
- Pen: Is this true?
- Aristotelis: Yeah, we are as poor as everyone else in this room.
- Everyone else: Hey!
- Ruby: Now you know what it's like to be normal!
- Bubble: Like the majoirity of Koinya!
- Book: Actually, Kenya is a much higher standard country than Africa, so they would be considered poor even in K—
- Pencil: [Aside.] Shh! [to Katarzyna] But aren't you still a nurse?
- Match: Yeah, but, like, we're POOR!!!!
- Aristotelis: We still have 100 shillings left.
- Book: Yeah, and you all are middle class!
- Ruby: There is a new hope!
[Knocks on the door.]
- Pencil: Who could be 'ere a' this time o' night?
- Pen: If it's a ghost I'm hiding behind the TV.
- Match: Omg, Pen, that's the, like, 465th unmanliest thing you've said this season!
- Katarzyna: Match, be nice to your younger brother!
- Pen: I'm older! And now that you mention it, I mean I'm going to tough it out! [bends himself]
- Pencil: Come in!
[She opens the door. On the other side is Eraser.]
- Pencil: Omg, I thought'ee was in jail.
- Match: Omg, omg, omg! [runs over] I love you, I love you
- Eraser: Why are you acting all crazy?
- Match: I was in Argentina.
- Eraser: And I was in jail. So what?
- Match: We, like, live here now!
- Eraser: What?
- Pen: TL;DR: We are now poor and live here.
- Eraser: What?
- Katarzyna: It's okay, we shall offer no explanations towards our favourite son.
- Eraser: What?
- Aristotelis: Eraser, how much did it cost to get out of jail?
- Eraser: One hundred shillings. The warden was so [censored]! [The girls laugh.]
- Aristotelis: Oh Zeus, now we have no more money! [faints]
- Ruby: Oh my gosh! It's a new hope!
- Everyone else: [unenthusiastically] Yaaaaaaaaaaaay.
- Book: Can you read this? I can not.
- Bubble: Noio, unfoirtunately. Hoiy Pencil! Can you roid this?
- Ruby: I think she's sleeping. [Pencil is sleeping next to Estigua.]
|Before BFDI, a series by Yterbium1|
| Plot Synopsis (read this first!)|
December 1 • 2 • 3 • 4 • 5 • 6 • 7 • 8 • 9 • 10 • 11 • 12 • 13 • 14 • 15 • 16 • 17 • 18 • 19 • 20 • 21 • 22 • 23 • 24 • 25 • 26 • 27 • 28 • 29 • 30 • 31 • January 1 and after
Characters • Misc • Music • FAQ
1 Red ones are coming sooner or later to a website near you. Most likely later.
Friday, December 14
1. Walk to school
Scene: The alliance is gossipping on their way to school.
- Match: Omg, so which [weɪlz]?
- Book: From whales, Wales and wails, I would have to go with whales.
- Bubble: That's a yois, then?
- Pencil: Seems so! Omg, where's me ticket?
- Match: Oh, we were supposed to bring them?
- Ruby: I think we were.
- Pencil: I, like, fergot mine, but you all 'ave yours!
- Ruby: Pencil, what does this say?
- Pencil: I don't care now! I need me ticket!
- Match: Hold on, like, there. I come from a great lineage of liars and cheaters, so …
- Book: Umm, Match? That may not be something you should be proud of.
- Match: Well I am! Anyways, I think you should, like, fake your ticket.
- Pencil: No, I don't think so. I'm not like a cheatin' type.
- Match: Pen does it all the time!
- Pencil: In thet case, give'ey some markers an' gold leaf!
- Book: Okay! But you do realise that gold leaf prices have decreased dramatically between the last few—
- Bubble: Nobody really coires, Book.
- Book: I feel bad doing this …
Scene: They walk up the school beginning-line; several people walk out from the school.
- Book: Hey, where are you going?
- Ranad: We are going home now!
- Ruby: What? There's no school?
- Ranad: Of course not! Everyone is becoming our house.
- Match: I don't, like, understand.
- Ranad: [quite agitated] คุณต้องเปิดในตั๋วของคุณสำหรับเงินที่มองไม่เห็น!
- Pencil: Oh! I see now.
- Bubble: What did she soy?
- Pencil: She says thet we jus' turn in our tickets in the line o'er yo'r fer some invisible money!
- Book: So basically we just wait in line!
[Two hours later.]
- Match: Omg, waiting is, like, so boring!
- Pencil: Like, I've ne'er been so far away from Pen in two hours!
- Match: You'll get used to it.
- Ruby: I see him over there!
- Pencil: OMG! Let's go there!
- Alliance: [bored] Sure.
- People between Pen and the alliance: Yay!
- Pen: Hey, didn't see you there!
- Match: Neither did we.
- Book: You do realise that it would have been our turn had we not moved back.
- Pencil: I don't really care, as long as I'm near me boy— I mean, me 'usband. [The alliance laughs.]
- Ruby: It's our turn next! And literally, quite!
[Headmistress Golf Ball is trading the tickets.]
- Golf Ball: Have a terrible day. NEXT!
- Pear: Hey old lady. Can you help me find where the—
- Golf Ball: Why are you calling me old lady. Do you have any idea of who I am?
- Pear: No, but—
- Golf Ball: Now give me your ticket! [confused, she does] Have a terrible day. NEXT! Oh great, it's the school better-doers.
[Each is said at the same time.]
- Bubble: I beg yoir poirdon?
- Ruby: That's in insult, right?
- Match: Omg, we're better!
- Pen: I'm sorry!
- Pencil: U wot m8?
- Book: Not my fault.
- Golf Ball: Give me your tickets. [they endeavour to do so] Hey. I only collected five, when there are six of you.
- Pencil: I've not a ticket 'ere, ma'am.
- Golf Ball: If you don't have your ticket, you are not permitted to go to the party.
[Each is said at the same time.]
- Bubble: Yoylecake!
- Ruby: Yay, a party!
- Match: YNTMAT!
- Pen: But but but—
- Book: Another party?
- Pencil: I can't not miss a party h'if everyone's goin' ter it. I jus' can't! I'm like the mos' popular girl in the school! You can't jus' not miss a party h'if you was Queen Alpha! [cries]
- Ruby: Aww, don't worry!
- Book: [Aside.] Now I can cross this off my bucket list: Going to a non-academic party without Pencil!
- Bubble: Shh! Moybe we can find a woy to snoick you in!
- Match: That, like, happens a lot in reality TV.
3. Pencil's house
Scene: The alliance is at Pencil's house for a meeting again. Both sets of parents are sleeping, whilst Needle, Nelson and Eraser awake.
- Book: Hey, Needle! Did your parents bring you to school?
- Needle: Yeah, and I got some invisible money!
- Bubble: Su-woit! [hi-5]
- Nelson: Why is Pencil crying?
- Pencil: Don't talk 'bout'e!
- Nelson: You can tell me, Ruby!
- Ruby: She's crying because she lost her ticket and now she can't get into the party!
- Pencil: Don't tell the world I can't be invit'd! It's terrible!
- Pen: [comforting her] Don't worry, we can always just go out for some food later or buy something! Do you want that?
- Match: Omg, Pen, like, stop! You know we can't, like, buy anything anymore since we're poor!
- Pen: Oh yeah. Pencil, do those for me, and I need them now.
- Eraser: I kind of agree with Match here. Just because of our new class status doesn't mean you should take everything exalted people have for granted, or be a chauvinistic cad about it. [Everyone stares at him astonished.]
- Ruby: You're smart!?
- Eraser: Umm … no, I've never said anything like that in my life.
- Book: Astounded by the life of prison, are you not?
[Awkward silence. Then the TV turns on by itself.]
- Pen: It's a ghost! [hides behind the TV]
- Pencil: Relax, there's jus' a notice on the telly screen. [reading] "This model o' this TV was meant to turn on at 8:30 AM on December 14, 2007."
[It goes to a news station.]
- Helmet: Sabalheri, Kenya. 'Tis Helmet, and I am here to talk about this crowd of people behind me. Yes, the crowd is extending all the way to the newsroom. It is going to school.
- Ruby: It's, about the tickets!
- Helmet: Yes, whoever said that. Now, let's interview some people who are patiently waiting. [cuts to a part of the queue, a car park, specifically, where people are punching each other to be in front] No, not that area. Make sure to edit that out, Teleprompter!
- Teleprompter: Got it!
- Helmet: … who are patiently waiting. [part of the queue where people are waiting]
[He goes up to a member of the queue.]
- Helmet: So, please tell us your name and where you're from.
- Palm Frond: Omg, are you, like, interviewing me? Like, in that case, my name is Palm Frond and I'm from Hollywood, California! [Her friends cheer and hoot.]
- Match: That's my language there!
- Helmet: So, Palm Frond—
- Palm Frond: Call me PF!
- Helmet: Sorry … PF—
- Palm Frond: No, call me Washingtonia
- Helmet: Ok … Washingtonia—
- Palm Frond: Actually, now when you think about it … Hi, mom! Hi, dad! Hi, Great Aunt Maud! Hi, Quorrissa! Hi, Ambiguous—
- Helmet: Moving on …
- Palm Frond: No, wait! This is the first time anyone's seen me live! I'm not in a movie! And, like, BTW, everyone should watch Squirrel Meets World. It's, like, the best movie ever—
- Helmet: [Aside.] That came out almost a hundred years ago.
- Palm Frond: But—
- Helmet: [moving on] So, tell me your na–
- Kumquat: I don't want to talk!
- Helmet: [moving on] So, tell me your na–
- Man: No!
[10 minutes later.]
- Helmet: [disappointed] Okay, then. Since nobody wanted to talk, now to the summary of things. [on the screen] Here is a demographic chart of who had a ticket. As you can see, it is nearly 100% yes. And here is a green demographic chart. The only difference is that it's green. Once again, it is 100% yes.
- Teleprompter: [Aside.] Tell us what it means!
- Helmet: I'll get there! Anyways, the government authorities and advised me to explain. Actually, they didn't want me to explain. They required that I explain. These tickets grant you admission into a party this night. I do not know where.
- Teleprompter: Woah, look at that thing in the sky!
[The crowd looks up. A plane is forming letters in the sky.]
- All: 2500 Koreakusini Road.
- Pencil: OMG! I can't believe the party's bein' 'eld at my 'ouse! No wonder I need'dn't a ticket fer me h'own party!
- Match: This is, like, totally! A party at your house, I mean, like, my house is going to be awesome!
- Ruby: I'm surprised guests aren't pouring in right now!
- Book: I have a feeling a certain time will be specified.
- Pencil: MUM, WAKE UP, THERE'S TO BE A PARTY TONIGHT!
- Estigua: QUÊ?
- Pencil: We don' know the purpose or why it's 'appenin', but we have to get ready, now!
- Estigua: QUANTAS PESSOAS ESTÃO VINDO?
- Pencil: I don't know; they 'aven' coun'd yet!
- Estigua: NÃO CONTEI AINDA? ISSO NÃO PODE SER BOM!
[Katarzyna wakes up.]
- Pen: G'morning, mum.
- Katarzyna: I had the strangest dream last night! There was this cow and there was this bird. So the cow was screaming and mooing something in this foreign language I didn't know, whilst the bird was quietly and modestly saying something in English, but in some weird acc … [She sees Estigua glaring at her] Never mind.
- Match: So, did you get the news about the party?
- Katarzyna: Yes, we did. However, we are now in the process of selling, like, most of our electronics so we can get more money.
- Bubble: Isn't that noice?
- Ruby: Totally!
- Match: Well, like, the party is being held here.
- Bubble: And we need yoir hoilp in setting oip!
- Katarzyna: Don't worry, I will help. Now how many people did you say are coming?
- Ruby: It was on the TV!
- Needle: Before the boys took over!
[Pen and Eraser are watching football.]
- Book: [sighs] Boys will be boys … Pencil? [She's also watching.]
- Pencil: Sorry! [changes the channel] It 'ad to be done!
- Pen: Aww, now we don't know who'll win!
- Eraser: Thanks a lot, Pencil!
- Pencil: W'dyee rather give yer stepmum an 'eart attack, or w'dyee rather me give'ee spoilers 'bout the game?
- Eraser: I'm okay with the first one …
- Katarzyna: Aww, that's so nice!
- Pen: That isn't nice … I actually care for our mother's health more than cricket—
- Ruby: [correcting him] Soccer—
- Book: [correcting her] Football.
- Pen: Yeah, that sport … right, Match?
- Match: [who has been on her mobile phone during all this] What?
- Katarzyna: Apology NOT accepted, my second son. At least Eraser cares about football more than my health!
- Book: Ladies, ladies, I know I am wonderful and all, but you really do not have to fight over me.
- Katarzyna, Eraser & Pen: We weren't!
- Book: But you could have!
- Ruby: Book, look! Hey, that rhymed.
- Bubble: On the Toi-Voi, they're disploying the results!
[On the TV screen, they show the results. A bar graph rises to show the amount of people coming.]
- Helmet: And it turns out that out of the population of a million … 999,999 people are going to the party. [Cheering]
- Teleprompter: Who is the one that didn't?
- Helmet: Why, the results say that Pencil Triángolo is the only one in the world who is not going.
- Ruby: Oh no! They just announced that Pencil was not going!
- Pencil: Don't worry, everybody!
- Book: What do you mean? They just announced that you are not going to the most popular party in the world … on national television.
- Pencil: It's okay! A' leas' everyone knows where I live! I mean, I'm the mos' popular girl in the school!
- All: True. (Estigua: Verdadeiro.)
- Estigua: Esta não é, tendo em conta as pessoas más na sociedade, não é?
- Pencil: Wot?
- Estigua: Quero dizer, dizendo que toda a gente sabe onde você mora, você também está incluindo inconscientemente todos os criminosos, assassinos e pessoas piores.
- Book: Do not forget the Gang of 8!
- Estigua: Vê, minha filha? Onde vamos colocar todas as pessoas horríveis? Não têm lugar na nossa casa!
- Pencil: Jus' stuff 'em down in the basement, an' we can be good!
- Katarzyna: Aside from all this Portuguese dialogue, when does this begin? I get anxiety when stuff like this happens.
- Pencil: I don'know. Like, Ruby, you've perfect memory! D'ye remember wot they says on the ticket?
- Ruby: Uhhhhhhh … it said, "Chama kuanza saa 06.00 hasa Afrika Mashariki Wakati Eneo. Ruka ni mdogo kwa watu kumi na tatu, na kushindwa kuwa marehemu kwa chama itasababisha kuungua papo na ghafla kuonekana katika upande mwingine wa dunia." And if Swahili classes do count towards your marks, it means "Party starts at 6:00 Kenyan Time. Trespassing is limited to twelve people, and failure to be late to the party will result into instant incineration and spontaneous antipodean teleportation." Book, I have no idea what that means.
- Book: I think that means … when it is 6 o'clock, the party begins. Before that, nobody is allowed to be here except for thirteen people, or else they will be burnt and transferred to the opposite side of the world.
- Bubble: Oi think that's in the open oicean!
- Book: Correct. Now, it also says that you must not be early, so I— [there is a knock on the door]
- Grawlix: We're #!₦? here for the &(|]@/ party!
- Match: [singing] Co-ming!
- Book: [hurrying] No, Match, stop! [slaps her hand from the door]
- Match: Omg, what was that for? I didn't, like, see a library! Where are the rules?
- Book: If I am not mistaken, you may end up at the other side of the world! [the one at the other end of the door gets incinerated and teleported]
- Katarzyna: Wow! That's harsh.
4. Dining room
Scene: 5:58. Party is about to begin. Positions for the party are about to be appointed.
- Pencil: I think thet security should be … Pen.
- Pen: What? Why me?
- Pencil: Yer a h'excellent guard!
- Pen: That's football, and I'm a quarterback.
- Pencil: Oh.
- Needle: And you'll miss him if he's just standing around, guarding the door all night!
- Pencil: You're right! [Needle seizes Pen from the door]
- Needle: I think Nelson should be security!
- Nelson: Why me?
- Needle: [quietly] No one suspects the little boy …
[During all this, Pencil, the technologist of the alliance, hastily makes a machine.]
- Bubble: What exactly ois that thing?
- Pencil: I call'e the Housecount!
- Book: That sounds ridiculous … tell me more!
- Pencil: Well, it counts 'ow many people enter our 'ouse! Y'know, fer the party?
- Ruby: Why would you need one? I mean, a million people is a lot!
- Pencil: True. But I contact'd the landlord.
- Estigua: Oh, o que foi que disse?
- Pencil: "Yer accent is weird!" Can'ee believe thet? 'E thinks me h'accent be w—
- Estigua: Quis dizer depois disso.
- Pencil: 'E says this 'ouse can only support fifty milliard of us. Any more an' this 'ouse'll "spontaneously collapse!" 'Ow 'ilarious is thet?
- Match: [sarcastically] Ha!
- Katarzyna: I really don't think that you should laugh; he is a true landlord!
- Pencil: Then it's a good thing we've this! [sets the number to 13]
- Estigua: Temos 13 segondos até 6!
- Pencil: Alright, girls, let's do the cheerleadin' routine we learned! From the top a' thirteen!
- Alliance: 9! 8! 7! 6! 5! 4! 3! 2! 1!
- Ruby: Happy new ye— Oh wait, we're not doing that?
[Within milliseconds, the house is raided by … the press. They start interviewing its inhabitants. They start all talking at the same time.]
- Helmet: Wow, this house is neatly decorated for the holidays. But is it appropriate sized to fit a million people?
- Teleprompter: How do you feel about hosting the first global party this Earth has ever seen since 1985?
- Barrette: What do you feel whenever someone asks you about your popularity and you're not even invited to your own view of your own—
- Match: Like, what? [The earth trembles.]
- Ruby: OMGS, it's an earthquake in Kenya! Do you know how rare this is?
- Match: Wait, I don't think that's an earthquake. It's, like, [seeing out] the cool kids from the mall!
- Pepper: Omg, like, is this the party that everyone's been waiting for?
- Pencil: Aye—
- Shelly: And is it true that everyone is coming to this?
- Pencil: Aye—
- Salt: [romantically] And is it truuuuue that OJ will be singing just for us?
- Pencil: Well, I don't know 'bout thet, but I—
- Boat: Oh my sails! Besides the news press, are we the first ones here?
- Pencil: Aye!
- Popsicley: Well, then move over girl and let's go in!
- Their alliance: Yeah! [They establish themselves at a corner of the room.]
- Pencil: [Aside.] Weird.
- Match: Omg, hey girls!
- Ruby: I've always wondered. Why is it that it's been ten seconds, and yet nobody has come i— [Thousands of people pour into the house each second, and it is shown on the Housecount. Ruby is trampled in the process.]
- Barrette: [with a microphone, appearing to be broadcast over the TV] Would you look at that, thousands of people have poured into this unlucky Nairobi household each second!
- Pencil: Er … open up all doors to preven' congestion, Eraser! [He does so.]
- Estigua: Isso … é … loucura.
- Bubble: Oh noio! What will we do?
- Book: I do not know. Pencil? Do we have any ideas?
- Pencil: [greeting the guests] 'Ello, welcome to our 'ouse, nicely decorated fer th' 'olidays!
- Man: Shut up!
- Pencil: Wow, rude! [to Book] Wot was'ee sayin'?
- Book: What do you have for an idea? I mean, there are guests coming at a rate of hundreds per second!
- Pencil: Er … [a lightbulb appears over her head]
- Lightbulb: [record scratch] Hey, man, I'm trying to enter non-conventionallontionallentially. Do me a favour and move three steps to the left [she does] … and then three to the right. [she does]
- Pencil: Why'd'ee makes me do thet?
- Lightbulb: I don't know; I just wanted to watch you dance the Charleston! [falls] UWEAOH! [shatters]
- Book: We need an idea, quickly! The sign says 6500 now!
- Bubble: Oictually, it's 6200!
- Book: Okay, now it really is 6.5 thousand. Do something, Pencil!
- Pencil: Okay! [calling out] PEN, COME 'ERE!
- Pen: Yes, dried pasta? The only reason you interrupt my soccer watching is because—
- Pencil: I need no lecture. First of all, don' call me thet. An' second, I've question. 'Ave'ee ever done security for yer "Schreiber" parties?
- Pen: Of course! Ever since I was five. The year was 1994, and this guy, who weighed about 10 thousand kilo—
- Pencil: Do VIP! [she pushes him outside]
Scene: At supersonic speed, Pen constructs a queue outside of Pencil's house.
- 時: 这是中国现在11:30，因此我累了。
- 同: 一样的！
- Pen: That should do it! Now, everyone must pay me 1 shilling! [Instantly, sounds of money are heard.]
- 78 Record: [clearly angered]Hwat was that for?
- Khorugv: Agree I. There is not a way!
6. Dining room
- Book: You know, Pencil, I wonder where Match is right now?
- Pencil: Like, I think she's in the foyer with all the like-sayers.
- Bubble: What are loike-soyers?
Scene: Match and her friends are conversing in Likese with the … you guessed it, like-sayers.
- Match: Like like like like like.
- Pepper: Like?
- Chocolatey: Like like like like …
- Salt: Like, like like like! [holds up orrery]
- Crayon: Like like like …
- Popsicley: Like like like …
- Boat: Umm, guys can we go get some foo—
- Likesayers: Shh! [quietly chattering] Like like like like …
8. Dining room
- Bubble: Woird.
- Pencil: I've the sudden urge to check on Pen.
[Exit Pencil. Weird Coloured Dress goes up to the girls.]
- Bubble: Hoiy, Woird Coloired Dress!
- Weird Coloured Dress: Hey! I'm not Weird Coloured, I'm Normal Coloured!
- Book: Oh, we are just going by the names you all are christened with! There is nothing wrong with a blue and black dress here.
- Bubble: Woit, woit, woit. You think she's bloi and black? I see whoite and goild!
- Book: I. Hate. You.
- Weird Coloured Dress: Can you show me where the food is? I'm kind of hungry. [They can't hear because they are arguing.] Oh well. More for me!
Scene: Pen is counting his money as many people go in. [Enter Pencil.]
- Pencil: 'Ey. 'Ow're'ee doin' with the security?
- Pen: Very well! I managed to rack up twenty thousand shillings.
- Pencil: Why'd'ee do thet?
- Pen: Well, I asked people to pay me 1 shilling at the door. If twenty thousand people walked in, how many—
- Pencil: Pen, ye can't do thet!
- Pen: What do you mean?
- Pencil: This party was fer everyone, not jus' fer the burgeoiserie, which I've no idea wot it means but I'll use'e anyway!
- Pen: I actually—
- Pencil: This money deserves to go to the poor an' needy!
- Needle: [slaps from inside] Don't call me Needy!
- Pen: But Penc—
- Pencil: I don' care wot yer intentions were fer all thet money, but I—
- Pen: Like can you—
- Pencil: There are people who've less than'ee, Pen Schreiber, an' 'tain' good o' you to take advantage o' their own—
- Pen: I AM OF THE POOR AND NEED— I mean, "n-word".
- Caldera: Hold it right there! Ain't no one gonna censor when they talk … before they get kisses from ya own Caldeyeyeyeeyyra! [She kisses him on the cheeks.]
- Pen: [sweetly] Aww, you can come in without any money!
- Pencil: [going in] Jus' keep doin' wot yer doin'!
10. Dining room
Scene: Close up on the Housecount. It eventually rises to 499,990.
- Pencil: An' she was like, "You can't do thet when you're allow'd ter—
- Book: Umm … Pencil? I do not think you are watching the Housecount.
- Pencil: Omg! There are, like, 10 people left! Ten people are allow'd to come in! What can we do? I need 'elp, now!
- Richard: I know what you should do. You should open up the neighbours' houses so they can come! After all, they are here too!
- Pencil: Thanks, Pink Ball's dad! [to Book] Want to come with me to Miss Stepping Stone Crackford's place?
- Book: Sure!
[Exeunt Pencil and Book.]
11. Estigua's room
Scene: Estigua and her Portuguese-speaking friends are having a book discussion. Sort of.
- Estigua: Este livro é nojento! Não posso acreditar que as páginas são amarelas!
- Onda: E há mofo! Eu não estou lendo este livro!
[Enter Pin, her friends from camp and other pins.]
- Pin: Freeze! Old people are not allowed in this room!
- Onda: O que ele disse?
- Estigua: Ela diz que não pode estar aqui. [makes strange gestures to them]
- Pin: Does that mean we can stay?
- Book Club members: NÃO!
- Bịnh Dịch Đơn Của Heo Pin: Cô ấy nói "bây giờ"?
- Pin: I think she said "now".
- Marshmallow: I don't think she means tha—
- Marmalade: [choking] Ah! Ah! Ah! Estou morrendo!
- Onda: Rápido! Temos que fazer alguma coisa!
- Estigua: Como o que?
- Marmalade: Eu quero … eu quero … eu … eu … que … ro … comida!
- Estigua: Venham, vamos todos descer e deixar as crianças para trás!
[Exit Book Club members. Pin locks the door so nobody else can walk in.]
- Pin: Alright, the coast is clear everyone! I sit on the pillows, Baseball Cap, you sit on the floor and Ice Cube … uh … you sit in the hottest part of the room!
- Ice Cube: Wha?
- Baseball Cap: Won't that kill her?
- Pin: Shush! No one cares for your opinion! And now, my sisters [calls for the other pins] … ngồi bất cứ nơi nào bạn muốn!
- Pins: Yay!
- Pin: And what shall we watch? [pointing to the TV]
- Pins: Vietnam Idol! Yay!
- Baseball Cap: Really? I'm too cool for not speaking English! [strawberry noise]
- Pin: Don't worry! It will be fun! Just watching and listening to people sing!
- Baseball Cap: Bo-ring! So it's just like watching the Kwan-Za-Jin-A-Wa?
- Pin: [dreamily] Yeah … [aside] Pen, if only you were with me instead of Pencil, all our dreams could finally come true! [notices a girl waiting in the corner of the room] Woah! Who are you? Are you Vietnamese? Bạn có hiểu một từ mà tôi đang nói gì không? [she shakes her head no. This girl, by the way, is Teardrop.]
- Ice Cube: She was in our camp forever!
- Pin: And I never noticed her?
- Ice Cube: Nope!
- Pin: Oh, I feel so bad! And she's even quieter than Ice Cube!
- Ice Cube: What?
- Pin: I have no idea! [leads her] Here are the other people here. I'm sure you can tell, right? [S.H.H.N.] These here are Màu Đỏ Pin, Xanh Lá Cây Pin, Xanh Dương Pin, Tím Pin, Cam Pin, Nâu Đỏ Pin, Màu Xám Pin, Màu Thiên Thanh Pin, Rõ Ràng Pin, Thiên Thần Pin and Baseball Cap. Nói "hello", tất cả mọi người!
- Pins & Baseball Cap: Hello!
- Pin: See? Now you're getting to know people! [TD nods her head yes.]
12. Outside Mrs. Crackford's House
Scene: Pencil and Book are still walking.
- Pencil: [sighs] All this walkin' is tirin'! Why'd'ee take me so far?
- Book: It appears that coincidentally, the end of the line is at Stepping Stone's house!
- Pencil: Wot? I ne'er know 'er 'ouse is so far!
- Book: I am pretty sure that it is because Mrs. Crackford is not your neighbour! It is Ray Shell Bladerford who is!
- Pencil: Should we go back?
- Book: I do not think that is necessary. May I see that?
- Pencil: Wot, this megaphone?
- Book: [takes it] Never mind … HEY, EVERYONE! IF YOU WANT TO GO TO THIS HOUSE FOR AN ALTERNATIVE PARTY, THEN YOU MAY ENTER WITHOUT PERMISSION!
[Half of the line rushes towards the house.]
- Pencil: [hi-5'ing Book] Our work 'ere is done!
- Book: I say that we run back home!
- Pencil: Better yet, let's race!
[They race all the way home, ahead of the line.]
13. Outside Pencil's house
Scene: Pen, who is so tired of letting people in, nearly falls asleep. He is awaken by the growing noise of the crowd.
- Tagalong: Excuse me … s … sir? [He wakes up.]
- Pen: Yes, dear?
- Tagalong: It says here that I have to pay one shilling to … to enter this party. Do I really have to?
- Pen: Of course! Just ask the people behind you for a shill—
- Tagalong: [falls
insensible at his feet] No, no, you don't understand! I just want to get in … and … and I have no s … social skills at all to talk to p … people, so can you please let me … in … in, sir? [cries]
- Pen: Of course, anything for a Kenya Girl Guide!
- Tagalong: Asante, kind sir.
- Pen: Don't mention it!
14. Dining room
Scene: Tagalong enters the house where she meets her other friends.
- Tagalong: Haha, I entered for free!
- Trefoil: Heeeeeeeeeyyyyyyy, girl frayand!
- Tagalong: Hey, I finally got in!
- Samoa: Ko te tangata i te kuwaha rawa pukuaroha.
- Tagalong: I know, right? I was pretending the whole time!
- Trefoil: So was I!
15. Outside Pencil's house
Scene: Pen still is letting people in.
- Long S: Yeah, same problem as the last girl.
- R Rotunda: I also! Very wrong social issues or no moneys.
- Pen: You can come in for free, then. [Aside.] Y'know, it's kind of strange how there is a whole column of people who are that subtle!
- Voices: Let us in or we'll kill you!
- Pen: [not looking] Wow, that's a very interesting way to convince me to let you in or— [realises] Oh no …
[It's the Gang of 8.]
- Blocky: Let us in!
- Pen: Actually, you do realise you have to pay the price. It's the rules, even though my girlfriend clearly told me that it's wro— [The Gang all take turns beating Pen up for his actions in the past episode. He ends up in the flowerpot behind him.]
- Blocky: Let's go in, boys!
- Flower: And girls!
[They enter the house: Blocky, Eraser etc. When Trophy, the last person, enters, the door slams shut with metal. Snowball is still out there.]
- House of the Triángolos: [seeing as there are 500,000 people there] Guest limit enforced. House activating lockdown mode! [The front door locks]
- Snowball: Grr, what have you done, grey thing block the door!
- Pen: Yeah, I kn— wait, her house has never done that before!
- Silimba: [who is next in line] We can't go to the party? But I've waited for a few minutes!
- Pen: I have no idea! I mean, I've been here numerous times, and I still haven't not— Hey, Snowball, what are you doing?
- Snowball: I'm trying to bring grey thing up here! Ngggggggggggggggggggggg! [Eventually, he brings the barrier up so he can enter.]
- House of the Triángolos: [alarm goes off] Breach of limit! Breach of limit! House will self-destruct in 30 seconds. Wait, no. 20 seconds. 19 … 18 … 17 … 16 …
16. Living room
Scene: Ruby, who has found a new partner, is dancing once more.
- Auris Intercisus: Hey, did you hear that?
- Ruby: Nope!
- Auris Intercisus: That's strange! I can …
- House of the Triángolos: [faintly] 8 … 7 … 6 …
17. Tertiary bathroom
Scene: Axinite is showing in the Triángolos' third bathroom so she doesn't have to socialise with other people.
- Axinite: ♫ [singing really fast] C is for cookie, that's good enough for me! C is for cookie, that's good enough for me! Cookie cookie cookie starts with CCC! Cookie cookie cookie—
[Enter Datolite, unexpectedly.]
- Datolite: Ah, my brethren!
- Axinite: Aaaaaaaaaaaah! [She trips on Pinecone in the shower, who falls out of the house.]
- House of the Triángolos: 3 … 2 … 1 …
- Pinecone: Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! [falls onto a tree]
- House of the Triángolos: Limit not reached, you may continue with your services.
Scene: It is now darker outside.
- Pen: Yes!
- Silimba: You do realise you're still stuck in the flowerpot, eh?
- Pen: Oh … yeah, I'm still stuck here!
- Hoed: You're looking so hilarious there! What shall I blog? Internationally Acclaimed Supermodel Gets His Touche Stuck in the Daisies? Oelálaa, dat is de man die ik graag!
[She takes a selfie with him.]
- Pen: First of all, I'm a bit insulted by what you've said, aside from the fact that I'm now an International Supermodel. Thanks! And second, what was that?
- Hoed: I have no idea! But this girl on the plane told me all about it!
[During this, enter Pencil.]
- Fan: Actually, he's, like, a Greek-Kenyan student at the school, am I right?
- Pen: Yeah, but—
- Pencil: Actually, 'e's me boyfriend, er, 'usband!
19. Living room
Scene: Everyone is dancing in the living room, except for Auris.
- Ruby: What's wrong? You look a little … sad.
- Auris Intercisus: More disturbed than sad, but I thought they said the house would suddenly self-destruct!
- Laser Pointer: That's the kind of negativity I'd sponsor!
- Ruby: Indeed, that's right, Mr. Poiuytrewq! Now how about we say "turn the music up!" [The music is turned up.]
- Ruby: Who knew this? The government is making the Gang of 8 in a room! [They see the Gang of 8, locked up in a room by themselves. They irrationally destroy everything in their paths.]
- Auris Intercisus: And what makes you sure that the government did it?
- Ruby: Let's just say that in my free time, I conspirate … a lot.
Scene: Pencil is awkwardly standing outside in the night.
- Hoed: I did say sorry twice! And I never knew you had a girlfriend!
- Pencil: If I 'ad ter explain, neem hem niet te raken.
- Hoed: Don't worry; I shall harass him no longer. And it's culturally the same; we don't go for used people in the Netherlands!
- Pencil: Nor Kenya!
- Silimba: Nor Mozambique!
[About 190 countries later]
- Rebbelib: Nor the Marshall Islands!
- Nohto: Is not Japan either. I say, what about America? Is what their opinion for date of a loved one? [awkward silence]
Scene: The nine members of the Yoga Club are practising in the Triángolo's attic, the most peaceful place in the house.
- Ensoh: And then we may breathe, and release the inner Zen of you. Breathe in … [they do so] and breathe out … [they do that] … and breathe in—
[The partying from downstairs sparks a jolt in the attic.]
- Torii: Oh no! Is there an earthquake? Should we—
- Prajnaparamita Bell: Let's go to the neighbours' house!
[Exit the entire Yoga Club.]
Scene: The house itself notices the absence of nine people.
- House of the Triángolos: House opening!
- Pen: Well, I guess that means that you can enter right now. And you don't even have to pay any sh—
- Voice: Hold it right there!
- Pen: Hello, welcome to the house of the Triángolo's house, or as we personally call it, the Clubhouse of Awesomeness—
- Pencil: [Aside.] No one calls'e thet!
- Pen: Well, it might catch on! [Aloud.] How may I help … [looks] … you? Er … I know five of you, don't recognize three, and— Hey, Football! [He waves back sheepishly.]
- Sword: We have come to crash the party!
- Pen: Yeah, our capitol is acting a bit strange.
- Pencil: Wot makes'ee thinks thet it's the government?
- Pen: Let's just say that in my free time, I conspire … a lot.
- Pencil: Y'mean "conspirate", eh?
- Ceibo: Ve dentro; ¡esta es tu casa!
- Pencil: Fine. Go talk about yer boy [censored] out there! [slams the door, but naturally it opens again]
- Bolt: C'n we go-w-inside, now? Ahm gettin' kinda hungry.
- Pen: Sure?
- Diamond: That's-a h'an orderrr!
- Pen: Yes, sir! [Aside to the Pandilla] How did you like that for my militant commands?
- Iron: Eh? [Their faces distort, but promptly go normal again]
- Pen: And as security, I must go around asking random strangers things.
- Cyan Okina: Excuse me, but you did not use the word "random" in its correct sense; please restate your—
- Diamond: Shut up! He uasn't talking-a to youuuu!
- Fan: Yeah, and can you stop please looking at my blog posts to check for grammatical errors? It's not my fault, Blue Apostrophe!
- Cyan Okina: [with that weird background that always happens in certain object shows] MY NAME IS CYAN OKINA!
- Sword: Just be quiet, everyone! [to Phaistos Disc, who can't even talk] And you too! [Phaistos is confused]
- Pen: [bored] Hey, enough of this rabble! Just state your name and … how good you think you are in hosting a party.
- Sword: Sword, and I think I have a 45%. [Sword tries to enter, but Pen stops him before he can.]
- Container: Hey, y'all! I'm Container, and ma partyin' skills are 45% percent! Y'know, that's 7 times 5!
- Sword: No, that's thirt—
- Container: I don't care much. Just live ma days in the Deep South America and eat grass and stuff.
- Hoed: If you sing a country Western song for us, maybe I can teach you the language of Dutch!
- Container: I reckon so that you's a teach me some foreign language?
- Sword: Man up and ignore the girl!
- Container: Fahn.
- Wasup: I'm Wasup, and my PP is 60%!
- Pen: If you have a four out of five chance to do "that", there's a bathroom insi—
- Diamond: Not that-a, you dunce! Anyway, I'm to call meself Diamante della stirpe reale del Re e della Regina, che per qualche ragione sembrano amare il Re e Royal Lineage ma la regina insiste a dire altre cose per un altro motivo, altrimenti.
- Pen: Okay, I'll make note of that once our repertoire—
- Pen: Call me Diamond, che?
- Bolt: En I'm Bolt!
- Soccer Ball: And I'm Soccer Ball!
- Pen: You're Canadian, then, right?
- Soccer Ball: Nope! Stateless!
- Football: And I happen to be the socially awkward one who also has a 98% in partying, the Football!
- Pen: Yeah, don't prefix your name with "the", it will only perceive you as less cool that you assume you are.
- Football: [in a daze] I've got so much to learn from you!
- Ceibo: Soy Ceibo.
- Iron: Iron.
- Pen: Yeah … about that, let me go inside.
23. Dining room
Scene: An irritated Pencil is waiting outside of the front door.
- Ruby: Hey, Pencil! You're tired already?
- Pencil: No … I jus' can't believe Pen's minglin' with the gang!
- Ruby: The Gang of 8?
- Pencil: No! The Gang from Argentina! I 'ear they're no good, an' the fact thet Pen's with them makes m' uneasy.
- Ruby: Well you know what they say! "When the Africans arrived, the Missionaries had the land and they had the Bible. They taught how to pray with our Bibles closed. When we opened them, the Africans had the eyes and we had the land."
- Pencil: I'm rather sure it's th' other way 'round, innit?
- Pen: Pencil!
- Pencil: [Aside.] Omg, 'e noticed me! [Aloud.] Aye, dear?
- Pen: They want to come in. Should we lock them up like the Gang of 8?
- Pencil: No no, let 'em roam 'round freely … [endeavours to explain]
Scene: Likese conversations decrease as Match eavesdrops on the big talk.
- Match: Shh! My Sword-senses are, like, tingling!
- Salt: Oooooooooh, what's it this time?
- Match: They're here! [They literally run out of the foyer.]
25. Dining room
Scene: Pencil and Pen are still talking.
- Pencil: … an' I mean, they're not the same as Blocky an' the res' o' 'em, innit? They've got much better intentions— [Match and crew make a queue outside the door, inviting Sword and friends in]
- Pepper: Omg, we're doing this again?
- Match: This is what we do whenever a cute guy enters this house!
- Chocolatey: Do realise, like, that my mum wrote that book; you're welcome.
- Like alliance: You mean, How to Invite a Cute Guy, like, Whenever They Enter Your Very Own Special House?
- Pencil: Wow, ye're devoted!
[They salute Sword as he enters.]
- Sword: Wow, I did not assume I was getting such a warm welc— [sees Match] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
- Ruby: He most definitely loves you if he does that!
- Match: Like, totally! [They all stop saluting as the rest of the Pandilla enters.]
- Container: I think it's quaintly rude to think y'selves as high and mighty just because Swoawoaowaoaowoaord walks into this here house, don't y'know? [The Like-alliance is already spead throughout the house, clearly bored.]
[Enter Ceibo, Wasup, Diamond, Ceibo, Bolt, Iron and Soccer Ball, clumsily, followed by Football.]
- Pencil: See, I told'ee they'dn't do a thin' bad!
- Ruby: Yeah, what's the worst thing that could happen?
26. Around the Triángolo's house
Scene: Terrible montage to wacky and/or zany music. The Pandilla are doing minor destruction to the house.
- Sword: Hey, um … do you have any toilets for me to take a pipí?
- Football: Eat your [censored] words up.
- Sword: Since when did you have here, Football?
- Football: Yesterday, I was behind you during break and lunch both times. You probably didn't see me.
- Ceibo: Y no saber.
- Diamond: We putt-e that on de list of-a dumb moments!
- Iron: Sword, the idiot! Sword, the idiot!
- Ceibo: Por cierto, tienes una 7 en tu prueba final.
- Sword: Puede que no sea.
- Ceibo: Lo hiciste.
- Iron: Get you anywhere a seven on your final exam won't.
- Diamond: Doin'-a flippity-bird, no?
[Sword throws a chair at Iron, then proceeds to utilise the loo.]
- Iron: [censored] painful that was. What a scumbag he is.
- Diamond: Mwahahahaha!
- Ceibo: That idiot, I can also speak English, albeit with an Argentinian accent still. And you might want to know how Sword answered one question. Look at it! Look at the idiot's brain!
[They take an insight on Sword's brain. It says "176. 1246 * 234 + 35296 -232 + 33332222 - 2301 = 21-Sword's answer"]
- Iron: Everyone pray tell that a complete idiot he can be.
[During this, many people exit the house.]
Scene: Sword is using the bathroom, in other words … sittin' on the toilet!
- Sword: Why did they talk about school? This is a party!
- Match: I know, right?
- Sword: Aah! It's you, again!
- Match: I know! Isn't it, like, great?
- Sword: No it isn't! Get out! Can't you see I'm in the bathroom?
- Match: Omg, don't be silly! I may have failed biology in Canada, but objects do not do anything in the bathroom! In other words, I can be here whenever I want!
- Sword: So?
- Match: It's my birthday!
- Sword: Oh yeah … Feliz Compleaños, and your gift is …
- Match: Conversion to Judaism? Aww, thanks!
- Sword: No, not that! I mean, a restraining order!
- Match: Can't you only get one from our government?
- Sword: Exactly! [praying to the Government] O Government from the Most Holy BFDIocracy of Goiky, please send to me a restraining order.
- Deep voice from earlier: What's the magic word?
- Sword: Praise BFDI.
- Voice: Here you go!
- Sword: See this? [shows Match] It's a restraining order! [gets up] Orden de restricción. I can use this to get away from you!
- Match: So, like, by standing closer to me than you've ever stood in the last 24 hours makes the restraining order, like, totally legit?
- Sword: I … guess so? Now get out of my bathroom! [literally pushes her out with her foot]
- Match: Wait, that is my bathroom! I only share it with Pencil because her family has OC— [door slam]
- Sword: Thank BFDI that's over!
27. Pencil's room
Scene: Match anxiously is waiting.
- Voice: With us you're coming!
- Match: Omg, right now? I still have to— [She gets dragged into the abandoned foyer.] Who on earth are, like, you?
- Iron: Sword's friends we are.
- Diamond: The ones whom you 'ave-a been ignoring-a because of your affinità to Ahsword!
- Iron: What said he.
- Match: Omg, that explains a lot. But why am I here?
- Diamond: Shh! Kenyadryl …
- Iron: Kenyadryl. [hands it over]
- Diamond: Sleepin' formula.
- Iron: Sleeping formula. [hands it over]
- Diamond: La Storia.
- Iron: Astoria? It I don't, sir, have.
- Diamond: La Storia! The green book!
- Match: Umm, can I get out now? And also, I really don't, like, understand what's going on right now.
- Diamond: Don't you worry, Sword's admirator. I will now a-read to you the mostest gruesome story of all of Italia.
- Match: Oh great!
- Diamond: C'era una volta, c'era un castello. E poi c'era un drago. E poi c'era sangue. Fine! It's-a not very violent-e, but I'm-a sure you got the creeps?
- Match: Whatev— [is fed the Kenyadryl, and falls asleep]
- Diamond: Great, she's asleep!
- Iron: Now go and make sure that us no one sees, let us.
[Exeunt Iron and Diamond. At the same time, enter Pencil.]
- Pencil: Right'o, I'll get the rope for'ee! [Opens the closet] Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
[She runs out of her room.]
Scene: Pencil storms in the atrium, where, coincidentally enough, Diamond and Iron are hanging out.
- Pencil: Y'lot, I need yer 'elp! Match's been kill'd! Who d'ye think did'e?
- Diamond: We did it!
- Iron: You [censored], confess you should not do!
- Diamond: I'm-a sorry, it's a value where I come-a from!
- Everyone in the room: Same!
- Pencil: Omg, wot should I do?
- Needle: Maybe we should call Coiny!
- Pencil: But 'ow?
29. Some room
Scene: Coiny and Firey are fighting as usual.
- Firey: I'm worth a lot more than you! People millions of years from before have just seen me, compared to your lack of history.
- Coiny: Well at least I ain't needy!
- Needle: [slaps from the room] Don't call me Needy! And is that Co— [drags him in]
Scene: Same action.
- Coiny: My father is a cop!
- Needle: I know! That's why we need you to do your thingamibob of jigglypuff from your chimichanga.
- Coiny: You mean apply my principles of legal knowledge from your ancestry.
- Needle: Umm … what was the problem again?
- Pencil: These two h'accomplices o' Sword killed Match!
- Coiny: A murder, eh? Well, that seems paradoxical enough … I declare they face execution!
- All: Yeah!
- Chorus: [chanting in Latin MATER MEA SERVO VINUM DEDIT! CUR MATER EST BONA SERVIS! NESCIO! NESCIO! NESCI—
- Coiny: Hey, will you stop chanting in Latin? An execution is going on! [they stop] Now, is there one word you'd like to say before I chop of your heads?
- Diamond: Okay … Allo stato brado, gli esemplari maschi adulti raggiungono dimensioni imponenti, possono superare i 200 cm di altezza al garrese con una lunghezza di oltre 325 cm e pesano mediamente 1.000 kg, le femmine sono invece più minute e meno massicce, pesano mediamente 300 kg. La sottospecie domestica ha dimensioni decisamente inferiori: i maschi pesano dai 350 ai 580 kg e le femmine hanno un peso compreso tra i 225 e i 255 kg.
- Coiny: I don't know what the [censored] it means, but that was beautiful. You're free! Just go stand outside the Gang of 8 door, there.
- Diamond: Grazie!
- Coiny: [to Iron] As for you—
- Iron: Uhh uhh uhh uhh … may the force be with you! [skips his way outside the door]
- Coiny: I'll … let that go, then!
31. Gang of 8 door
Scene: As the Gang are violently tearing up the room and Diamond and Iron are waiting outside, the house talks.
- House of the Triángolos: Door opening in five! Four …
- Iron: Oh my heavens, the Gang of 8 we will be seeing!
- Diamond: Someone, send me back to me country before they come-a out!
- House of the Triángolos: One!
[The door opens. The Gang of 8 violently get them in there.]
- Diamond: [inside] Aaaah!
- Iron: Dying, we are!
Scene: For some reason, Sword actually finds his way up the attic.
- Sword: [soliloquising] Uhh … it's too dark up here. And dusty! I wouldn't say it's creepy, though, to keep up with my virility and manliness … Hey, what's that?
33. Estigua's room
Scene: The girls (and Baseball Cap) are still watching Vietnamese TV. Right now is a cooking show, on how to create pho.
- BunBoHue: Broadcasting live from Nairobi instead of her normal Westminster, I, BunBoHue, shall teach you the art of phoïsme. So first, you must do things! [They all laugh.]
- Nelson: [appearing from under the bed] What's with the noise?
- All: Ahh!
- Pin: Who are you?
- Baseball Cap: That's Nelson!
- Pin: Yeah, but what is he doing here?
- Nelson: I live here!
- Pin: Oh!
- Nelson: You must be the mean girl from Pencil's friend's camp …
34. Between the Bladerfords' and the Triángolo's House
Scene: Book is walking, still.
- Book: Yes … there is still … one more … route …
Scene: There's a hole in the attic, but Sword ignores it.
- Sword: Oh no. I think I'm going to—
[He falls through the hole into Estigua's room. Nobody on the outside notices.]
- All: Ahh!
- Pin: There's a man in here!
- Mèo Lông Xám Pin: Không một lần nữa!
[They then proceed to beat him with sticks. Before Teardrop tries to throw pho at him, he confesses.]
- Sword: Okay, okay! I was up in the attic trying to freak you girls out!
- Rõ Ràng Pin: Đó là gì? Tôi không nói được tiếng Anh.
- Nelson: Well, we certainly are freaked out now!
Scene: Pen is letting people enter due to most people leaving. [Enter Pencil.]
- Pencil: Hey …
- Pen: Hey.
- Pencil: Bored?
- Pen: Yeah, like, I just keep on letting people in! It's most likely the most boring job in the world.
- Pencil: I understan' yer pain.
- Pen: H—
[Enter Match, in high spirits, compared to the languorous dispositions of aforementioned characters.]
- Match: Omg! I just had, like, the best five minutes of my life, like E-ver! So you know how Sword was in your bathroom?
- Pencil: 'E was in me loo?
- Match: Like, yeah! But aside from that, he made me never see me again! Omg, but, like, before that, he admitted that he loved me and prayed to the gods of BFDI for a restraining order (whatever that means). #Smileyface!
- Pen: Sword admitted that he loves you?
- Match: Push a pierogi down you, of course he did!
- Pencil: Well … thet means 'e don't wanter see ye.
- Match: What? #Frowneyface …
- Pencil: Thet's awesome!
- Match: Really, Penc?
- Pencil: I mean, awesome fer us, but not fer'ee, I'm assumin'.
- Match: But wh—
- Pencil: Y'see, when you're not in love, y'feel more faithful to our alliance 'nstead of men! I mean, bein' single makes y'technically date yer alliance!
[She turns around, and Pen is back at his bouncerial duties.]
- Pencil: Sorry, di'n't mean ter 'urt'ee!
- Pen: [Aside.] Grr … [Pencil both swoons and sighs]
- Ruby: [going out] Pencil?
- Pencil: Ruby!
- Match: Book?
- Book: M … Ma— [vomits] Bleh!
- Aglet: Aglet!
- Match: Omg, are you okay?
- Aglet: Don't forget it!
- Match: Not you, Book!
- Book: Yes, I just got sick and vomited. No harm there!
- Pencil: I told'ee she di'n't get into track!
- Bubble: Truoie.
[Book runs up the stairs.]
- Book: P … Pencil, why did you leave m … me?
- Pencil: Sorry, Book! I can't run as slow as'ee! [Book collapses.]
[Enter Rainbow Pen.]
- Rainbow Pen: Hey, girls! [Several people in the queue swoon.]
- Match: [Aside to Pencil.] Who's that?
- Pencil: Some 'elpless chap we met a' Grandepiatto's.
- Match: You, like, went to Grand—
- Pencil: Long story short, 'e's a bit perverted. I mean, 'e chases after little Vietnamese girls!
- Ruby: You mean Pin and her crew?
- Pencil: Aye! Y'know, I wonder wot they're doin' now!
37. Estigua's room
Scene: Sword is still in the room.
- Sword: Okay, I said I'm sorry, like, fifteen times! How much more should I say it!
- Nelson: Ten!
- Baseball Cap: Fifteen more!
- Pin: A hundred!
- Ice Cube: Five hundred!
- Màu Lục Lam Pin: Vô cực!
- Sword: Fine … [starts to apologise] Sorry sorry sorry—
- Pin: I mean alternate from English and Vietnamese!
- Sword: Which is?
- Pin: Xin lỗi!
- Sword: [annoyed] Fine. Sorry! Xin lỗi! Sorry! Xin lỗi! Sorry! Xin lỗi!
- Rainbow Pen: [pretending to be archaic] I give thee salutations, elephantine fæcal matter!
- Parsley: [offended] What did you say?
- Parsnip: [after her] What did you say?
- Match: Yeah, like, what do you want? I still so want Sword!
- Rainbow Pen: [quietly] And that's coming from a girl who always got whatever she wanted.
- Match: Hey!
- Rainbow Pen: Whatever … can I help you?
- Pencil: No.
- Rainbow Pen: But you know what they said about Sword? He's just rubbish.
- Pencil: Not really, 'e's jus' the mos' popular male object in Argentina.
- Rainbow Pen: [snaps fingers] Poof! His group is [censored].
[Enter Bolt, raging.]
- Bolt: What'ja say ya [censored] imposter!
- Rainbow Pen: Well, he's popular in a bad way.
- Bolt: Actually, Sword is respected by the government! As are we, of course …
- Pen: Which government? You do know there's a rebellion in Kenya currently. [everyone looks at him] Hey, I watch the news!
- Book: Actually, it is a rather small rebellion.
- Bolt: SWORD AND WE'RE RESPECTED BY THE ONLY ONE AND TRUE GOVERNMENT A' KENYA!
- Pen: Yeah, ANUBIS!
- Pencil: Boys, I'd rather'ee not've a political debate on Friday night! [Aside.] Even though I'll be cheerin' on Pen th' whole time …
- Rainbow Pen: Shut the [censored] up, you British freak!
[Exit Pencil, crying.]
- Match: Should we go help her?
- Book: Nah.
- Rainbow Pen: Now, where was I? Oh yeah, ANUBIS is much better than the current Kenyan government …
39. Pencil's room
Scene: Pencil runs up to her room. She finds out that several people have made a mess there.
- Pencil: 'Ey m8, get the [censored] out o' me room!
- Vitamin D: [on way out] Sorry …
- Vitamin B12: We'll go now!
- Goji: Is that accent Scottish or Welsh?
- Pencil: Go away!
- Goji: Okay, okay! [Aside.] Possibly West Country …
- Pencil: Oh, I feel so terrible!
Scene: NES is in the queue.
- NES: Oh no … I hope I don't mess up the joke. Let's see …
[Up in the queue.]
- Pen: [bored] Next … next … next … [He's listening to Bolt spout political propaganda about the Pro-BFDI government]
- Bolt: Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah …
- NES: Hey, everyone!
- All: Hi. (Bolt: Whatever.)
- NES: Are you from Tennessee, because you're the only— [Aside.] Oh great, Book's here! [Aloud.] One I see!
- Book: Was that aimed at me?
- NES: Aww, dumbbells!
- Pen: [opens the door] Just go in!
- Ruby: [Aside.] What's a Tennessee?
- Match: I'm, like, Canadian. How should I know?
41. Pencil's room
Scene: Pencil is still thinking in her room.
- Pencil: Why did I say thet? Shouldn'e be his own fault?
Scene: Bolt is still boring Pen with his political talk.
- Bolt: I still think that BFDI is the best thing in the world.
- Pen: Then why is their rebellious group—
- Bolt: POLITICAL ORGANISATION!
- Pen: Yeah, that … Why is it called ANUBIS? Wouldn't it be easier to remember RA?
- Bubble: Or OSIRIS?
- Ruby: Or RAHORAKHTY?
- Book: What about the other one? You know, the one who was the goddess of nature and magic?
- Match: Can we go up? It's, like, starting to get cold!
- Book: Do we have to?
- Ruby: In rule 3 of the alliance handbook, "always help a friend in need!"
- Bubble: Yoya!
- Pen: Bolt, stay as security. And don't distribute anything!
- Bolt: I won't!
[Exit the alliance.]
- Bolt: [Aside.] Well, this is easy! I have my BFDIist pamphlets right here! [Aloud.] Hello, welcome to the Tripitaka's home, would you care to be part of the fellowship of BFDI? It's calling your name; you know—
- Grawlix: Get ^*(#ing lost, freak. I had to swim out of the antipodes because of you!
- Bolt: Fine! Don't embrace in the true love of the god of BFDI!
- Grawlix: [inside] #&(! you!
- Bolt: I'll enjoy it all the way— [sees the offended crowd of people] Never mind that … [to Pink Ball] Hello, welcome to the Tripolitanians' home, would you—
- Pink Ball: Please, no proselytising.
- Bolt: What's that supposed to mean?
- Pink Ball: It means you are converting us to another religion.
- Bolt: What's so bad about that?
- Pink Ball: Well, for one thing, some of us are religious people, and you shouldn't be able to change our views. This is 2007 Kenya, not 1507 Britain!
- Bolt: But—
- Pink Ball: Not only that, but you are also the only one in the world who actually gives their hundred shillings about BFDI. [looking back] DOES ANYONE ELSE HERE CARE ABOUT BFDI?
- All: No!
- Bolt: It's not just BFDIism! It's also the government's fault! They practically hate BFDI, and our group is starting a coup to assassinate the—
- Pink Ball: That's just it! You want to make Kenya a theocracy! If it weren't for this party, we'd be at war with each other, all because you want Kenya to be the BFDIist Republic of Kenya!
- Bolt: Oooooh, that does sound good.
- Pink Ball: No, it doesn't! That's it … [he gets knocked over] Ke-N-Ya! Ke-N-Ya! [Everyone cheers, except it's the name of their own country.]
- Bolt: W-what's her problem?
- B: You!
43. Pencil's room
Scene: Still sitting there … [Enter Pen, Match, Ruby, Book and Bubble.]
- Pencil: [not looking] What d'ye wan'? Can'ee not see I h'ain't lookin' at 'ee?
- Ruby: Umm … Pencil? It's us!
- Pencil: Omg! It's you!
- Pen: So why were you running up here crying?
- Pencil: I wasn' cryin'! There was jus' salinic water in my eyes!
- Book: I was forced to come up here!
- Bubble: So what wois it that the goyng made you so mad aboit?
- Pencil: Amongs' other words, Bolt call'd me a British brat! If anythin', Ruby's British an' Match's the brat!
- Match: Hey!
- Pencil: Oh, 'ee knows I love'ee lot.
- Pen: Pencil … [sits down] Y'know, you shouldn't listen to what other people think about you. You're rather intelligent, charismatic and extremely … … social. It is the greatest honour of my own life, even more than one to take the path of Reform Judaism, to be betrothed in our "marriages" of yesterday to you. If I didn't have you, I'd probably still be breaking cars and looting houses with the gang. Just wanted to say that …
- Pencil: [nearly crying] Awwwww … thet was the bes' thing'ee've says to me me whole life!
- Alliance: Awwww!
- Ruby: And to think those words came out of a high school football player!
- Pen: I have my moments …
- Book: We are going downstairs now! [goes down]
- Match: Do you, like, want to go?
- Pencil: I think I'll stay 'ere. [They all start to head down]
- Bubble: Coill us if you noid anythoing!
- Ruby: Our hearing holes are always open!
- Match: Isn't your date, like, a severed ear?
- Ruby: He's detached! Holds a better connotation, you know …
- Pencil: [thinking] I'll go downstairs! [She goes down]
44. Living room
Scene: Pencil is downstairs, when the party is moderate.
- Pencil: I'm comin'! [Aside.] But wait! I think I'll need some drinks first.
[She grabs the drinks, and accidentally bumps into someone.] This is where I will leave off.
- ↑ You did say he was old.
- ↑ That's why I put Aristotelis at 44 years old on the character page.
- ↑ Shrek.
- ↑ "You all must love BFDI!" (Gr.)
- ↑ Or at least we hope …
- ↑ About $20.
- ↑ 5c 0116
- ↑ XXIV 0720
- ↑ "Why?" (Pt.)
- ↑ "Via …" (Pt.)
- ↑ "I don't know, Penc, texting to propose … isn't what Pen was doing kind of, you know, weird?" (Pt.)
- ↑ "True." (Pt.)
- ↑ "She got asked out to Winter Ball." (Pt.)
- ↑ Bow ties are cool.
- ↑ "Oh, Mr. Schreiber, you're looking good today!" (Pt.)
- ↑ "Well this is awkward!" (Pt.)
- ↑ "Fancy restaurant" (Sw.)
- ↑ "Wow, this place is fancy. Are you sure you don't want me to get your corset? We can drive home any time! Or just ask your date for Chinese. He'll really love that." (Pt.)
- ↑ "I'm sorry, but my daughter's going on her first date! I'm so proud of her!" (Pt.)
- ↑ "Call me if you need anything!" (Pt.)
- ↑ "Large plate" (It.)
- ↑ "Good evening, young lady, and welcome to Grandepiatto's Italian fine dining place. May I request a past reservation?" (It.)
- ↑ "Yes, I was wondering if you had any reservations for Screiber?" (It.)
- ↑ Shows a really inaccurate flashback that couldn't be possible.
- ↑ In Italian, fettuccine is feminine.
- ↑ 'Cause he does not get the vegetables in fettuccine!
- ↑ Another paradox!
- ↑ Bro.
- ↑ In Kenya, radio station names frequently end in FM.
- ↑ Flower is long enough arms to retrieve it from the ground.
- ↑ Ewwwwwwwwwwwww!
- ↑ No, that's not what I meant.
- ↑ "Good evening, young ladies." (It.)
- ↑ It's H2O, actually.
- ↑ I can somewhat relate to this.
- ↑ "Affluence" (Sw.)
- ↑ Imagine how he felt when he had to befriend them once more during BFDI. Awkward!
- ↑ The scene where the ugly stepsisters rip off their "stolen" clothes.
- ↑ "I have it." (Latin)
- ↑ "Eight" (Fr.)
- ↑ Then …
- ↑ "Good but bad" (Sw.)
- ↑ "News" (Korean, the one language I will inevitably get wrong.)
- ↑ "The suspects each had multiple arrests in the past, but one of them saved the bank whilst in their monthly prayer session. This unknown man is assumed to still be in high school, rather tall and slim and was wearing a cat last time we saw him." (Ko.)
- ↑ If I recall correctly, to make it sound authentic, imagine someone Korean saying "Yongeejanùn kakgak gwagòe yòrò myòngùl chépóhaetchiman, kùdùl chung haninùn maedalgido sesyòn tongan ùnhaengùl guhaetsùmnida. I al suòmnùn yòjònhi ohiryò kíga kûgo nalssinhan godùnghak gyoeitnùn gòsùro ganchuhago uriga gùrùl bon goyangi majimagùr ipgo isòtda."
- ↑ "Please tell us whom you, as a banker, think the subject was." (Ko.)
- ↑ "Oh! So the tenor who sang yesterday?" (Ko.)
- ↑ Also known as animation.
- ↑ Not really. Just remember Match and Pin's rivalry.
- ↑ We hope that on your birthday, you have a special day! Even though your parents aren't here, we schoolgirls come to say!
- ↑ "Happy birthday!" (Vn.)
- ↑ "Guardian Pin" (Vn.)
- ↑ To which some add (others do not) Ho Chi Minh City.
- ↑ Disclaimer: I wouldn't recommend watching this in public where you know there's people.
- ↑ A popular Vietnamese song.
- ↑ "Good bye, young lady!" (It.)
- ↑ "I don't speak English!" (It.)
- ↑ Self-explanatory.
- ↑ She wants to say "I say that we should just lower our attitudes to people who think they can rule everything!" (Vn.), but forgets a word.
- ↑ "Mum", "dad" (Vn.)
- ↑ Basically, in Finland and Estonia there is a whole contest dedicated for doing things whilst carrying a woman (could be your wife/GF/partner/SO/etc) called eukonkanto. The way they carry them is, however, not like the movies.
- ↑ A few Vietnamese people, especially the elderly, can speak French as well as Vietnamese and English. This has roots in colonisation.
- ↑ "Good night" (Vn.)
- ↑ "Nobody under 18 years old is allowed to eat here." (It.)
- ↑ "Danger! Danger! Someone has entered our restaurant, and I think that it is one of the Schreibers. Call the police, anyone!" (It.)
- ↑ From the same opera as Leafy's song.
- ↑ "Hot guy alert! Hot guy alert!" (Vn.)
- ↑ I still remember "Add Rainbow Pen. He always tries to attract girls." Done!
- ↑ No offence if you actually are married to several people.
- ↑ You never know what you get, eh?
- ↑ "A green pen for me!" (Vn.)
- ↑ "And a purple pen for me!" (Vn.)
- ↑ "Hi! My name is 3181CE Pin!" (Vn.)
- ↑ In some of the Kwanzajinawa productions, mainly HMS Pinafore and The Mikado, Pen's cap appears a bit darker than usual.
- ↑ Or rather, "the Rainbow Pens' car" if you will.
- ↑ Airport.
- ↑ The Swahili version of Facebook.
- ↑ "Kenyan pride!" (Sw.)
- ↑ If you say this to an American, they will look at you as if you came from Mars.
- ↑ Does this sound familiar?
- ↑ Vietnam is wonderful, too, I'm assuming.
- ↑ They did colonise them 1886–1961.
- ↑ Leaving, not loving. She hates it!
- ↑ Wow, I'm late.
- ↑ "Decorations" (Sw.)
- ↑ "Perfect." (Pt.)
- ↑ "I told you, if it's not on the list, we can't buy it. (Pt.)
- ↑ New Year's resolutions are most commonly found in the Western world. (Like USA, Europe, Canada, Australia, New Zealand)
- ↑ Be Jewtholic! All the regular things happening between Judaism and Catholicism!
- ↑ All she did was hide her phone.
- ↑ The joys of being a new "wife".
- ↑ "New daughter, we don't have a name yet." (Sw.) The H stands for hatuna.
- ↑ The Kalenjin would, anyway. The Kikuyu'd say wa Kalamu, Maasai ole Kalamu, Meru M'Kalamu. How'd you really say "son of lady" if you were Meru?
- ↑ Whilst he is in jail.
- ↑ He does that a lot. XV 0525
- ↑ This can't be good. Or can it?
- ↑ "Please tell us what happened to the Christmas decoration section of your store. What is going on? I just want to have a happy Christmas with my children, and my husband is fighting in the war, and we are just poor Kenyans who really need a— Why are you looking at me like that?" (Pt.)
- ↑ It would be like walking into your local Party City and seeing Ebola banners and balloons everywhere.
- ↑ "Girl who knows many languages! She said that she will contact you via text message!" (Vn.)
- ↑ "Ah! There are babies in my restaurant! And they are probably eating rudely or messing up my precious Arabian rug! Get in the baby room, or you're grounded!" (It.)
- ↑ "Nel hey! Nel hey!" (Vn.)
- ↑ "Hat" (Dutch)
- ↑ It's a fact: Americans always talk to strangers, but in Europe they keep to themselves.
- ↑ "Indeed, it is beautiful. We have silver, fake gold, garland and a tree." (Pt.)
- ↑ "I know." (Pt.)
- ↑ "How was the date?" (Pt.)
- ↑ "Married? You are married now? What will your father think of this, how you married this—" (Pt.)
- ↑ "Oh thank you God for saving this young girl from this benevolent youth." (Pt.)
- ↑ In 21st century-ese, this means she's taking a selfie.
- ↑ For the last time.
- ↑ Lots of people do that, actually.
- ↑ Pronounced, I am about to be in Nairobi in thirty minutes; got to go.
- ↑ Yeah right. In BFDIA 5a, Match says "a-BOUT".
- ↑ How someone with no knowledge of Vietnamese would read a comment by Infinityblade2005
- ↑ "Nelson! Go to your room now!" (Pt.)
- ↑ That might be a bad thing …
- ↑ I didn't know what she wanted, either.
- ↑ You know, the hole that is found in Needle's asset in BFDI.
- ↑ In Chinese, your younger brother would be 你弟, pronounced "ni di".
- ↑ That's just … I don't know.
- ↑ The shipping name of Eraser and Match.
- ↑ Was originally going to be a censored swear.
- ↑ Technically, atheism is not a religion.
- ↑ "Hello!" (Pl.)
- ↑ "Where?" (Pt.)
- ↑ "Aww, I feel so sorry for him!"
- ↑ That's exactly what it means.
- ↑ Maybe it was both!
- ↑ "We're as poor as pigs! It is as if we are back in Poland! Mother, where are the buckets, I need to milk the cows right now!" (Pol.)
- ↑ It's actually a good thing. In countries such as China, there is a "growing middle class".
- ↑ Like they do in some social settings. According to Nick Jonas in Jealous, it's calling "puffin' ma chest".
- ↑ Paradoxically impossible, but what the hey!
- ↑ Too long; didn't read.
- ↑ Explaining the gold leaf situation at Grandepiatto News.
- ↑ Like the ones from The Polar Express.
- ↑ The day I realise "agitated" does not mean angry.
- ↑ "You must turn in your tickets for some invisible money!" (Thai)
- ↑ You never told me about this.
- ↑ "Good morning." (Sw.)
- ↑ Oooooooh …
- ↑ The type of palm tree growing in some parts of California.
- ↑ The dates are ambiguous, usually.
- ↑ It's called skywriting.
- ↑ You know, how when people write, some mistakenly add a large improv passage to a large group of people.
- ↑ "South Korea" (Sw.)
- ↑ In Washington DC, the capital of the United States, many roads are named after streets. In Nairobi, the capital of
GoikyKenya, many roads are named after countries.
- ↑ "How many people are coming?" (Pt.)
- ↑ "They haven't counted yet? This cannot be good!" (Pt.)
- ↑ Real football, not the American kind.
- ↑ Favouritism enforced.
- ↑ "This is not taking into account the bad people in society, is it not?" (Pt.)
- ↑ "I mean, by saying that everyone knows where you live, you are also subconsciously including all criminals, murderers and worse people." (Pt.)
- ↑ "See, Pencil? Where shall we put all the horrible people? They have no place in our house!" (Pt.)
- ↑ Which most likely refers to:
|Before BFDI, a series by Yterbium1|
| Plot Synopsis (read this first!)|
December 1 • 2 • 3 • 4 • 5 • 6 • 7 • 8 • 9 • 10 • 11 • 12 • 13 • 14 • 15 • 16 • 17 • 18 • 19 • 20 • 21 • 22 • 23 • 24 • 25 • 26 • 27 • 28 • 29 • 30 • 31 • January 1 and after
Characters • Misc • Music • FAQ
1 Red ones are coming sooner or later to a website near you. Most likely later.